Feeling like you don't deserve things becasue you are fat

j0lamo01 · 06-06-2011, 05:51 PM

I dey myself things that I would have let myself have if I was still at a normal weight. I used to get a pedicure every once in a while while I was thinner but I haven't had one since I have gotten fat because I feel like even if I have pretty nails I will still be ugly and noone will even notice my nails anyways all they will notice is my fat, I also haven't bought any new clothes because I dont want to be this weight for long I want to lose weight so I don't think I should buy clothes that I hopefully wont fit into for long. Also I dont think that I deserve new clothes because of how fat I am. I guess it is a way of self punishment does anyone else do this? How do I do I feel good about doing things for myself like getting a pedicure?

luckymommy · 06-06-2011, 06:39 PM

First off,

to you! I can totally relate to this because I used to be the same way. However, I finally realized that punishing myself didn't do anything but make me feel bad. I realized that I'm a good person, no matter how much extra weight I carry around! Anyone who judged me based on my weight didn't deserve my attention. After some practice, I realized that taking care of myself made me feel better and that made me want to eat healthier and it also made me want to work out more and drink more water, etc. If you put positive energy out toward the world and toward yourself, you will get positive things back!

Finally, I'd like to ask you why you care if others notice your nails? Do it for YOU. The less emphasis you put on what others think and the more you do this for yourself, the better your results will be...or at least that's what I think.

j0lamo01 · 06-06-2011, 06:44 PM

Thanks so much! What you are saying is true I should do my nails because it makes me feel good not because I care what people think. Thanks! I think that thinking of it that way will helpe because I can still feel good about myself and do things for myself

iHeartU · 06-06-2011, 07:00 PM

I used to hate myself for being fat (still do occasionally) BUT I realized that being fat is not a crime. There are far worse things to be than fat. And, I occasionally buy new clothes now. I get my hair done. I bite my nails so getting my nails done would just be stupid but I do things to make myself feel good. It gives me a boost and makes me feel more like exercising, eating right, and things like that.

luckymommy · 06-06-2011, 07:02 PM

I'm SO glad to hear it! Enjoy getting pampered because you deserve it!

kaplods · 06-06-2011, 07:10 PM

I'm experiencing success unparalleled to any prior success (in 40 years of dieting), and I really think one of the vital components has been deciding that I deserve to treat myself with the same love and respect that I give others. There was no success to be had in treating myself like my own worst enemy.

Because when you hate someone, you don't care what happens to them, and if you don't care what happens to you, how can you sustain the energy it requires to make things better.

If I saw someone treating another person like I treated myself, I would have rushed to the victim's defense. Why didn't I stand up to my own bully?

And that's what I had to do, learn to stand up to bullies, even when that bully was me.

Also looking at diet and exercise as a way to pamper rather than punish myself has been very liberating. And there are far fewer reasons to quit, when what you're doing feels good.

I'm a foodie and always have been, but I've found that healthy food can be just as delicious, and just as self-indulgent as chocolates and restaurant meals.

I get just as much of a kick out of finding and trying a new fruit as I once did trying out a new restaurant.

Michigan Jen · 06-06-2011, 07:16 PM

I just want to hug you in person. I am the EXACT same way.

Back when I was thin I'd do my hair and makeup pretty every single day... I like putting makeup on and playing with my hair. I'd wear earrings and necklaces. Paint my nails cute colors... wear cute clothes.

Not anymore. I figure, why bother doing my hair and makeup? It won't make a difference... I'll still be ugly. I don't wear earrings or necklaces anymore (hard to find cute necklaces that fit now...) ... I wear hand-me-down clothes from my mom because she just lost like 80lbs (she looks amazing and I'm so proud of her!) ... I even wear my fiance's clothes sometimes.

For the looooongest time I wouldn't let myself leave the house for anything fun. I never had anyone over... when my fiance would have his friends over I'd hide in the other room. I didn't think I deserved to do fun things.

I've gotten a LOT better... I wear makeup once in a while... I'll do my hair once in a while... I go out a lot more (even though I'm still self conscious) ...

I hope you start feeling better and just doing stuff for you. Life really is short and you know what, we DO deserve to have fun and get our nails done and to live our lives! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

going2bskinny · 06-06-2011, 07:56 PM

I feel the same way I have denied myself things my whole life like everything pretty much I have denied myself a life even because of it. Still do though I don't know how to change it really. My whole life all I have thought is everything will be better once I lose weight and I will do so many things but then I haven't lost it yet. Doesn't help I haven't met anyone in real life who will even be my friend because I am fat so I'm sure that gave me this mindset I have my own family not just one or 2 every single one of them do not like me because of it and make my life **** aswell.

Nola Celeste · 06-06-2011, 08:27 PM

I have never once been able to make myself do anything through self-loathing and punishment. Self-regard and praise, on the other hand, are working wonders.

Get your nails done. While you're at it, pick up a new book or lipstick that you've had your eye on. Go for a walk in the sun and enjoy it the way you used to enjoy being outside in the fresh air as a kid.

My dear, life is far, far too short for all of us to waste too much of it being cruel to ourselves. We have no guarantees that anyone else in life will always be there for us, but we always have ourselves; treat that self well. She deserves it. And I'm not just talking about a mani/pedi here, I mean that you deserve--right now, right this minute, regardless of your weight--to be loved, to hear praise, to feel beautiful.

Give yourself that gift every day. Your own head should always feel like a safe refuge from the cold, cruel world.

Lovely · 06-06-2011, 08:50 PM

Being fat doesn't make a person ugly. However, by not taking care of yourself now you're making yourself feel ugly.

Do the things you used to do. Get your nails done. Put new make-up on. Buy yourself a flattering shirt.

Feeling good about yourself is not a special treat we have to earn. Feeling good about ourselves is something we're all born to deserve.

ShyHeather · 06-06-2011, 10:43 PM

For 28 years I denied myself happiness. I've been fat all my life, and felt like I never deserved honest to God happiness. I finally have found the one person who can make me feel beautiful for who I am. I actually accept myself more now, then I did ever before because one person really does make all the difference. But, yes, in other things I do punish myself. Today I denied myself a beautiful pink dress with the crochet back that seems to be a popular trend as of late. I feel like I don't deserve nice clothing until I get back on track with weight loss.

If you treat yourself to something though, maybe it'll break that cycle?

VegDay · 06-07-2011, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iHeartU

I used to hate myself for being fat (still do occasionally) BUT I realized that being fat is not a crime. There are far worse things to be than fat. And, I occasionally buy new clothes now. I get my hair done. I bite my nails so getting my nails done would just be stupid but I do things to make myself feel good. It gives me a boost and makes me feel more like exercising, eating right, and things like that.

I certainly agree. And with the other posts too. I've come to the conclusion that often it doesn't matter if you are a bad person, as long as you look good, society will treat you better than I've been treated. And I'm over that. I'm not less than because I battle my weight. I too have my bad days but the constant self hating is mostly over.

Please don't deny yourself. Everyone has the right to wear season appropriate clothing. Perhaps get a few cheaper things or things you can easily alter if you sew. I've taken jeans in at the waist band and done other alterations and I'm far from a expert sewer. I do wear a uniform to work but I buy a few new pieces every summer/winter.

j0lamo01 · 06-07-2011, 11:34 PM

Thanks for the sweet responses everyone! Its good to know that you all know how to treat yourselves with respect

shcirerf · 06-08-2011, 12:10 AM

While I can relate to your post, what, if your were very tall, would you slouch? Would you NOT wear heels? Or would you stand tall and proud and embrace your height? If you were very short, would you torture your feet in heels to look taller? Or would you just accept that you are short and call it a day?

One of the things I have learned over the years is I AM WORTH IT! Manicure, pedicure, hair cut, hair color, new outfit, massage, eyebrow wax, whatever it may be, I am WORTH IT! And it does make me feel so much better! Pampering is GOOD!

justaloozer · 06-08-2011, 08:28 AM

*hugs* I definitely punish myself because I am fat too.