I'm feeling sorry for myself at the moment and I need a place to vent. Because in my everyday life, I'm the nice girl, the dutiful daughter, the doting mother, the great friend. And while most of the people in my life are great and I love them all, there's one who thinks it her mission in life to cast her dark cloud over me and makes me miserable. She's wired to be miserable, and she finds joy in creating drama and misery in my life. And innocent people who hear my stories about her say things like, "But she's your mother and she cared for you and raised you and loved you when you were a baby..." And then I let them know that the moment I grew past the age of five, she's made sure that every moment of my life is an extension of her misery! And I'm now 50!
I'm doing intermittent fasting, and it's been working fabulously for me. Except for when I'm around my mother. Yesterday was a planned fasting day for me, and I did great with the fasting. But I had to spend several hours with my mother during most of the day, and in the end, she upset me so much (and was so smug about it when she knew she got me). I went home to have my dinner at the end of the fast. I made wise choices and stuck to my plan. But I don't like eating when I'm upset. I'm really trying to avoid it because I tend to make terrible decisions about food in that state. I stayed within my caloric limit for the day, and I made mostly healthy choices, but they were definitely on the fatty, salty side and not really balanced. And I also didn't get enough water to drink because I was at the hospital for hours (for a non-event!!!!!) and couldn't get away to get even a bottle of water. So today I didn't realize any weight loss. And I'm still angry, because I can't do anything about her!
I don't need advice. I don't need an attitude adjustment. I have a support system. I just needed to write this down and vent! My mother sabotages my life, every darn day!