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When people really notice the loss, and the pressure is on

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Old 05-23-2011, 06:45 PM   #1
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Default When people really notice the loss, and the pressure is on

The past few weeks, I must have crossed over a body size threshole or something. A lot of people in my life have been commenting on my weight loss. I was a size 20 when I started this, and now I'm a 10. Even people I would never expect to say something are telling me how great I look. I should be happy right?

But now I'm nervous. I'm not telling anyone I'm trying to lose weight. I just tell them I've taken up running. Which is true that I've been running, but I actually am trying to lose and I plan on losing more (which I tell no one but my husband) But now that everyone notices, I'm feeling the pressure of NEVER GAINING BACK A SINGLE POUND.

Ok, so its really bad that I have, in the back of my mind that I will inevidably regain some of the weight. But I do have it in my mind that I can not get down to 140 and maintain it.
But the pressure is on. All eyes on me and my size.

I don't like it.
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Old 05-23-2011, 07:10 PM   #2
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Take the compliments - and turn it into motivation. Then just take one day at a time. Focus on the PRESENT - and stop worrying what OTHER people think, just focus on yourself and how you are doing, day to day. In the end, you need to do what makes YOU happy. Good luck!
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Old 05-23-2011, 07:13 PM   #3
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Congrats on your loss. I don't have any advice just wanted to say that I sympathize cause I have the same fear.
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Old 05-23-2011, 09:02 PM   #4
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I don't really have advise either, because I feel a similar problem, although maybe more superficial. But I sympathize.

Basically, on my small frame, everyone already notices too, and they all comment (especially at work). So I feel like when I wear clothes that don't show the loss, like my looser clothes, and it's less obvious, it feels like I am back to the same weight. It feels like they will think I gained it all back over night or something. So then the next day I have to wear my thin clothes, or risk feeling fat (or at least as fat as I was). I guess I should just probably get rid of all my "fat" clothes that I've gotten too small for so far, but then I'd have to buy a whole new work wardrobe. ugh.

But also, for what you're feeling, I feel it too. There is a lot of pressure to keep losing until you are ideal, and then to never gain a pound back, or everyone will notice. I feel like now, my original goal of 140 was too high, and people expect me to get smaller than that. And I know my BMI would still be overweight at that number. My "ideal" BMI seems unreachable, and if I did get to 125lbs, then I gained some back, I'd really feel like I failed at that point.

sigh, sorry for being so long winded.

Last edited by whiteone : 05-23-2011 at 09:04 PM.
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Old 05-23-2011, 10:14 PM   #5
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I like all the compliments- but I totally know what you mean about the pressure. I actually feel like people are taking bets about when I will gain the weight back!

Maybe the pressure will be good motivation to NOT gain weight back!
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Old 05-23-2011, 10:21 PM   #6
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I have been guilty of this in the past. I have seen a person who has lost a large amount of weight and thought "no way will they be able to maintain it". Now I am on the other side of the coin, and I know exactly what you're saying. It seems impossible because you have never been able to do it in the past. I agree with the poster who said to take it one day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow or next week or month, unless you're shopping for healthy food, and then you have to. Just worry about today and doing everything today that will get you to your goal.

In order for stereotypes to be broken, someone has to do the breaking. I am hoping that person is me, and you, and every other person here on 3FC. We can change the statistics that say that only a small percentage of people can maintain weight loss. We can be the change, one day at a time.

Best wishes! You can maintain it! I believe in you!
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Old 05-23-2011, 10:22 PM   #7
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People are just starting to notice? Wow.

But like the others said, soak it in girlie! You worked hard for it!
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Old 05-23-2011, 10:30 PM   #8
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I have gained a little (under 10 lbs but I still notice!) back and I feel burning shame when I see people who have seen me smaller. Pressure didn't work for me!

It can't be about other people though. Maintain for YOU, not for anyone else. Too much pressure isn't a good thing either. You need to be able to say "OK, I'll move on" if you slip up instead of thinking that you FAILED because you made a less than ideal choice or gained a pound.
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Old 05-24-2011, 08:39 AM   #9
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Oh, I so relate to your post.

I used to work myself into a state about this very subject: "Now I've got something to live up to. How can I continue to meet such high expectations? And keep it up forever & ever?"

First of all, I had to acknowledge that I was the one setting these expectations, not the people around me. It really wasn't going to make much difference to them what I weighed. It was all about my feelings, and my feelings about their feelings: Yep, all about me. I was the one putting the pressure on myself.

Then I had to think about what I defined as success. Was it a single unvarying weight every hour of the day, every day of the week? No, that's unnatural. The body doesn't work like that. It's going to be up a little, down a little. I don't want wild swings of 20 and 30 pounds, but I can live with a certain natural variance.

The second thing was to get rid of that scary word "forever." No, I cannot be forever perfect & enthused about this big body renovation project of mine. But, I can get through the next couple hours. Or today only. And then maybe the next day. In other words, when I break it down, it's a lot less intimidating. (A lesson that carries over into my job, where I get frightened sometimes of what's expected of me on a big project.)

My metaphor for this is driving in the dark. You can't see very far ahead of you, but your headlights show you the pavement right in front of you at any moment, and that gets you through it. So if I just look that far ahead, each day, eventually, I do get there.
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Old 05-24-2011, 08:51 AM   #10
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I know there are a few people in my life who are not so secretly hoping I gain back every pound I have lost. I use it as motivation. But the real honest to goodness truth is I am doing this FOR ME. I don't really feel pressure to keep it off because I WANT TO! I didn't go into this thinking I might gain it back, I went into it praying that I never would.

You can do anything you set your mind to. Set your mind to staying fit for life and forget any pressure. Worrying about other people thoughts is a burden you don't need to carry. Let it go and keep doing this for you. If you want to keep the weight off, you will...if you don't, you won't. It has NOTHING to do with what other people "think".
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Old 05-24-2011, 09:12 AM   #11
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I must say that sadly there are people in my life that would take pleasure in me gaining the weight back. And then there are people that wouldn't take pleasure in it, but they expect it. I do feel the need to prove them all wrong serves as motivation.
I'm just not the kind of person that likes my struggles and triumphs out there for others to see. I think its because my big fear is I will fail and be judged for it.
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Old 05-24-2011, 09:37 AM   #12
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See, I like for others to know because it holds me more accountable. THe more people watching me, the more likely I am to think about what I'm doing. Doesn't mean I won't stumble or have hard times, but it will be in the back of my mind - people are rooting for me. I don't really think I have anyone in my life (except for maybe my sister who is worried that I'll get prettier than her) who wishes me ill. But, I don't care about my sister's feelings in this. That's her own insecurities. But, I do think it helps me stay focused with an 'audience'.
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Old 05-24-2011, 01:19 PM   #13
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I see what you're saying and in no way want to take away from that. Sometimes I think we feel like people are paying more attention to us than they really are, and in truth I think most people are more wrapped up in themselves and whats going on in their lives. So I think you can allow yourself to unload some of that pressure. I also think that no matter if you gain or lose there are going to be people that hate on you, and some that love on you. Once again you have to decide whose opinions matter. You have done a great job!
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Old 05-24-2011, 08:31 PM   #14
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I completely understand because earlier this year I lost 10 lbs and people did comment. And then I gained the little weight I lost back and more. I now feel pressure for when I go back to college to shock everyone. It's definitely scary for me because they all saw me gain weight from 120 to 180 in one year.

But I tell myself I have new tools: a meal plan that I can stick to, I don't starve myself any more, and I like to exercise. I drum those thoughts in my head when I get scared. Maybe if you find things to think about that you know will keep you healthy you will feel better. I hope this made sense. But when I tell myself I'm not bingeing anymore because I can stick to my meal plan I feel tons better.
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Old 05-24-2011, 11:01 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GlamourGirl827 View Post
I think its because my big fear is I will fail and be judged for it.
This is were you need to find a way to believe in yourself. Tell yourself you will NOT fail. If you are a praying kind of gal...pray about it. Live it, breath it, and promise yourself every single day that you will never give up.

I am by no means "out of the woods" when it comes to obesity and weight gain, but at this point, almost 2 years at goal, I still have to tell myself on a daily basis that I WILL NOT get fat again. I can't. I made a promise to myself that I intend to keep!
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