Your situation is quite common and there are probably several factors involved.
Cultural background-one of my grandmothers, an immigrant from Eastern Europe (back in the early 1900's)...continued, for years, to buy the fattiest piece of meat she could find....having come from deprivation...so that the more fat it had, the more valuable it was to her. And this continued for years, even though she was living here where she clearly did not have to worry about not getting enough food.
It can be very difficult to change beliefs one got from childhood, especially cultural ones.
I had a friend back in the 70's, who I believe came from a Bedouin family...where being overweight was prized. She was of a normal weight but her looks were considered, by her family, to be far inferior to her extremely obese sister's....and she was considered by them to too thin to be a good marriage prospect......even though they'd been living here for quite a few years.
There are usually issues involved that come from them having a fear of acknowledging that they should probably change the way that they are eating. It's a common human fear that we may have to admit that we are doing things the wrong way and should really change to things we don't really want to do. Most people don't really want to change what they are doing...or in this case, eating.....and resent anything they see as a threat to that. And I'm sure there is some of this in your situation.
But there also may be the factor that to them, you really are getting too thin. And/or that to them, you are not eating right....due to their entrenched beliefs from childhood. They may see losing weight or depriving oneself of certain kinds of foods as being "bad" or "unhealthy" or "abnormal".
I think the best way to handle this would be to not allow them to deter you....but at the same time, do not allow it to cause conflict with them. Basically, go along your merry way, whistling as you go, doing what you do.....and avoid conflict with them over this as much as you can. Don't take it too personally and don't let it derail you.
I just tuned people out when they did this to me.
And I have to admit that I have quite a difficult time understanding why so many here have problems saying no to anyone who is trying to push food on them....food not on their plan.
That never even fazed me.....and believe me, I am one of the most non-assertive, co-dependent people you could meet...but had absolutely no problem saying "no, I can't have that...sorry" and didn't blink an eye. And amazingly, nobody argued or gave me a problem. They sensed, I guess that they weren't going to get anywhere with me regarding this.
Ohhh.....if ONLY I could apply this to all the other stuff in my life. All the things I can't say no to when others ask me to do something or expect me to do something.
But with this particular issue, I had no problem, for some reason. I think I may have to give that some thought.
Thank you all for the advice. I am going to try to stick to my plan and try not to let it affect me when others try to 'push food on me', etc. By the way, I made it through yesterday's lunch without eating anything unhealthy
I figured this out when i lost 60lbs. When you lose weight ppl feel self conscious because to them it spotlights how they are not taking care of themselves. I usually just laugh it off or give a vague answer "Oh I haven't lost that much."
Location: Smack dab in the middle, Newfoundland, Canada
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I haven't had the "you're getting too thin!" remark from anyone yet, but it's funny that you've made this post, because I have recently had people ask me what my ultimate goal weight is...and when I tell them, they freak right out: "Oh my God, that's too small! You'll look sick! That's going way too far."
I have to laugh, because it's like....I mean, I'm five feet tall and right now I weigh 177 pounds. That's a BMI of 34.6, which is obese. In order for me to reach even the high end of a normal BMI, I'd have to be about 130 pounds. I mean, I know that dropping nearly 75 pounds is a big deal (which is the amount I'd ultimately need to lose in order to get to 130) but really, if I'm doing this for health reasons (which I am) then what's the point of getting to, say, 150 pounds and giving up?
I think part of the problem with it is that, when someone has been overweight for a long time, family members and friends have a hard time picturing them as being at a normal, healthy weight. I know that's the problem with my friends and family. I say "I want to be 130 pounds" and they can't even *imagine* what I'll look like at that weight, because they haven't seen me at that weight since I was, like, 10. *L*
The important thing to remember, I think, is that for the most part, family and friends are just saying these things out of concern. (I know mine are, anyway.) They know I'm doing this for health reasons and they don't want me to end up becoming sick.
I think people just feel bad about themselves. So in order to normalize their own size, they try to make the thin people feel like they are abnormal. Although I have the opposite problem, everyone I know is a health nut. I feel fat putting dressing on my salad because my friend (who is a nutrition major) is having almonds with yogurt for lunch. My other friend was complaining about only burning 600 calories at the gym. You might think this would give me motivation to eat better but it doesn't (because the same emotional issues still exist) so I just end up feeling embarrassed being the biggest one at the table.
I'm the same height and a few pounds less then you are. I understand where you are coming from completely! I know I'm "thin" but I def don't think I'm too "thin" guys I'll date say I don't need to lose any more weight I look fine the way I am, but at the same time I'm like hmm, yes I can admit sometimes I do look fine and I look like I'm 10 pounds less then what I am, but I'm still not where I want to be. Also given I know what I look like at 140 which is skinny, flat belly, no love handles I know I'm not fat some days chubby, but not fat at all. To other people they say I'll look gross that thin, then again it's because they've never seen me that thin. (except for my family and friend that know me well) so they'll tell me I need to fatten up a bit. All in all though I don't think you dad ment anything by it take it as a compliment and keep working towards your gold, you're not doing this to impress anyone, you're doing this for yourself!
A strange approach, but I think other people see it as a compliment. They are so shocked and they make a big deal about your weight loss (as encouragement) but it comes out wrong.
Eh, that's all about how they're used to seeing you bigger. Though, I will say, this is why it's important to feel somewhat confident in your weight loss goals. Because, there will be so many well-meaning folks giving you their opinion on what's the right weight for you.
I can so relate. The other day, right at the end of the day, one of the doctors I work for came in with 1/2 a sheet cake that someone had given him and he asked if the staff in our building would eat it. I told him I'd put it in the fridge and let everyone know the next day. He says to me, "You need to eat some of the cake. You're getting to skinny!" I laughed and said, "Thanks, but no I'm not." I know he meant it as a compliment. He's tall & thin (and so is his could-be model wife!) He's just not used to seeing me this size.
Maybe it's shocking to people to see how much you've changed? I lost about 40 of my lbs. last summer when my husband was deployed. When he came home he told me I was too thin. It hurt! I realized that his response had more to do with getting used to how my body had changed and less to do with me actually being 'too thin'. He's more used to it now and likes my new figure .
I'd also say it must be in the eye of the beholder, in how people are used to see you. If you've always been overweight, or for a few years at least, they've grown so used to that weight of yours that anything 'normal' appears 'too thin' by comparison. But this should change with time, when they get used to your new weight.
I hear this all the time and it really bugs me! Even though I haven't actually lost any weight yet..people say, oh you look fine you don't have to lose weight! ahem! I am closing in on 200lbs and I know what I see in the mirror for Pete's sake! I think I carry weight well and dress so I hide it, so it could also be my fault...but, please, support me when I want to lose weight and don't try and talk me out of it! yesh!
Just today I was thinking how I'm startin to feel "normal". I'm not saying its the same for everyone, its just my own personal point/size/weight where I feel like I blend in, that I'm not this blob in the room. For me my point is about now, comfortably in a size 12 and just a smidge above the 150s. (and I know everyone will have their own idea of when it is, I'm NOT saying my opinion is the only right answer, it just works for me)
So I'm just starting to feel good. I'm starting to like how I look in the mirror, I notice exercising is getting easier, ect...
THEN IT HAPPENED!!!!!!
My dad (who means well) and hasn't seen me in about 3 weeks, said as we were leaving that I need to come by so he can put a few pounds on me!!
Um, now if you look at my height and weight, I'm not even a healthy BMI yet! Sheesh!! And my dad, until the past few years has always been super thin. And even now he is NOT over weight.
I guess he's just so used to seeing me over weight, which aside from a few time in my 20s when I got down to like 155lbs, I've always been like 165 'bs to 170 lbs. (once I got down to 145 lbs, but did not maintain it for like more than a few weeks) Also, since having the kids, I notice I'm carrying my weight differently, and I seem to look better at my current weight 161, then I did before having kids and weighting 161...
The thing is I plan on losing MORE weight! I told him, which is true, that I got into running and I really love it, which is also true. He said that's good (and he sounded like he really meant it). But I guess I should get used to it. I've never maintained anything smaller than a size 10, (I've squeeze into a size 8 and even 6 ONCE many many years ago) but really I've always hovered around a size 14...guess I better get used to the comments.
Makes me think of stuff my mom says. She keeps telling me I won't look good in any size under 14. I don't know how to take that. I've seen her when she was in a 14, and she and I have the same exact build and everything, I could pass as her overweight twin (trust me, the Doctor's use to joke that we could be twins....until she got a little older...)!! But for you, I think that's a compliment. Just an odd way of complimenting as someone else had stated.
