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Old 05-15-2011, 10:32 PM   #16  
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I understand where you're coming from in many respects. When life isn't so good, it's so easy to blame weight on everything. It's easy to think that when you drop the weight, everything in life will magically become better. There are still the emotional problems, and even if you were perfect physically, you might not still be happy emotionally. I'm just under where you are weigth wise. I'm 23, and at my heaviest, only two months and a half back, I was 268. I was sitting around feeling low about myself until I realized that enough was enough and just went for it. The accomplisments I have made athletically and weight wise have helped me to stop feeling so bad about myself. Fat is the least of the things you are, and you are not defined by your weight. You're a woman, a mother, a beautiful person inside and I am sure outside, and so many other things I don't know. You won't always be unhappy with yourself if you decide to make changes that help you to become the person you'd like to be, not just physically but mentally as well. Even coming here is a small change, and a good one, because the support here is invaluable. Be well!
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Old 05-15-2011, 10:38 PM   #17  
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Hi Everyone,

I am such a sap but I actually found even more tears for the amount of replies that this message got. I was in a really really very dark place and I still am. It is not every day that I get to discuss weight and everyone trivializes my size saying its not that bad. I don't think they realize the psychological aspect behind it though.

I think I am depressed--I know I am Bi Polar clinically but the medicines for that cause weight gain and I was nursing DD and I didn't want my milk to be spiked nor my pregnancy. I've been off of meds for nearly 3 years and I've been told I need to exercise to feel better. It really is true. I took a very small walk yesterday and I felt great--I just couldn't continue it today because I fell off emotionally again.

I am really afraid to go on meds before I get my body together so I am trying to work with a behavioral therapist since my classes have ended. I am going to call tomorrow to set up an appointment.

I try to talk with my SO about how I feel but he is such an optimist--he says I wont have loose skin adamantly so I can't really share with him how scared I actually feel about losing weight.

I feel like I don't know where to start but I can say that I have stopped ordering takeout food which is really hard for me. I order food because I feel like it is a reward for being in such great emotional pain--but I haven't done this in nearly 2 weeks.

Thank you all, this thread is helping me to find some positives. It is still a very hard road. I am happy I've found this community because I cannot talk about these things in real life without making people feel uncomfortable.
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Old 05-15-2011, 11:26 PM   #18  
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So glad you found us and it's helping!!

I think a behavioral therapist may be a great help -- ask if they do any cognitive therapy too... might help with the catastrophizing (yeah, if that's really what it is... don't believe everything you read on the internet! ). Anyway, cognitive and behavioral therapy often go hand in hand.

You're going through a lot of stress and changes right now, that's hard enough. Throw in weight issues and ... yeah, we get it.

I know I was terrified of loose skin before I started and while I have some, it's nothing like being morbidly obese was.

Just take a deep breath and take it all one day at a time! And stick around!!
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Old 05-16-2011, 02:25 AM   #19  
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I'm so glad that you've found this site, posted, and are getting some support, encouragement and suggestions. I am glad it is helping, even if only a bit thus far. I really hope you will stick around; this site is a wonderful place to discuss all the weight-related issues that are so difficult to talk about to friends, family and others in your life.

Where to start: You made a GREAT start by cutting out the takeout food. That was a big one for me... up until just four months ago, I'd gotten into the habit of eating 1-2 restaurant meals PER DAY, primarily because it was just the easiest/most convenient option. Making the change to cooking/preparing most of my meals at home was tough, but I got used to it quickly and it was definitely key in getting started on this weight loss journey. Navigating away from takeout alone will probably help you quite a bit... and a good next step would just be writing down everything you eat every day. When you can see clearly what your food intake looks like, it becomes easier to see where you can make changes that will help you to lose weight.

Also, kudos on the walk yesterday!! That's a great way to get started on moving more. And the days that are the toughest may be the days when a walk improves your mood the MOST, as exercise releases endorphins - so try to get out there for a short walk even when it seems hardest to make yourself go. Honestly, just a few months ago I was someone who thought that people who loved exercise were crazy... and it's so odd that I now count myself among them. When I'm having a crummy day, a good workout is often all it takes to radically improve my mood. I read a quote in someone's signature on this site when I first joined here, and I remember it often... it was: "No one ever says 'I wish I didn't exercise today.' " It's SO true. You will always feel better for having gotten out for that walk - I guarantee it.

I do not at all mean to minimize any of your fears (I have plenty of my own), but try not to spend too much time worrying about what comes later. Whatever comes after weight loss is going to have you feeling better than you feel today, without a doubt. For now, just take it one day, one meal, one walk at a time, and deal with later, later.

Good luck, and I wish you all the best.
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Old 05-16-2011, 05:30 AM   #20  
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im a new mom to a 13m old girl as well, i also was 170 before pregnancy and 240 after. i live in a dreary rainy city especially in the winter. and every year, i fall into the winter blues. i felt very much like you did not too long ago. really wanting to change my life, but not having energy for it. i think small steps are the way sometimes. i was so scared to get back on a diet, because my whole life when i dieted it was painful/hard/exhausting and i was starving. now cooking for my family, enjoying food, eating clean/homemade food has changed my life. sticking to a certain calorie amount is not hard when you know how to prepare good tasting food/quickly. dont expect to jump from your current diet to 1200 cals per day. thats starving! try 2000 for a week, then maybe 1800, and so on, unitil you see the results you want. plan your meals ahead. when you eat, eat to be satisfied, and try to stop and not get painfully full. i think if i knew i could diet and feel satisfied, and have an occasional treat (scoop of ice cream) id do it sooner.

the positive boost you get from treating your body well is indescribable. im only 10 pounds lighter, and yet i feel amazing. i feel empowered. why not try first eating better. not diet food. but well balanced. what helped me was putting every single thing i ate into fitday. not for the calories, but for the nutritional info. it breaks down what you eat into not only fat/carbs/calories but also vitamins/minerals. i try and focus what i need to eat at my next meal based on what im lacking that day vitamin wise. say im low on calcium, ill have a kefir. if you make small changes, you will see a diet does not have to be painful.

i know how hard it is to take your daughter outside. but try and do it for her well being. fresh air, socializing with other children etc. plus our mistakes shouldnt affect our children. your daughter should get physical activity daily.


kaplods~ your response inspired me!

i think speaking to a therapist might help getting it out since you are embarassed to talk to friends/family. i can give you my email and you can write to me if you need a diet buddy.

dont give up!
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Old 05-16-2011, 08:34 AM   #21  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Primary Colors Rule View Post
I think I am depressed--I know I am Bi Polar clinically but the medicines for that cause weight gain and I was nursing DD and I didn't want my milk to be spiked nor my pregnancy. I've been off of meds for nearly 3 years and I've been told I need to exercise to feel better. It really is true. I took a very small walk yesterday and I felt great--I just couldn't continue it today because I fell off emotionally again.
We have a close family member who is bi-polar that's tough, I know. Are you still nursing then? If so I understand your reluctance to take meds but I'd definitely suggest getting into regular therapy and establish a consistent exercise routine (even smalls walks but just be consistent about it). I know there are some more natural routes that you could look into. My family memeber swears by passion fruit capsules, for instance, for stablizing moods.

Especially since you're bipolar I'd especially suggest baby steps because I think it's that's much harder to break out of your down stage and you also want to avoid going to the euphoric stage too. Slow changes will be the easiest to adapt too. I think that's GREAT that you got in a walk AND gave up fast food. You're really going in the right direction and that's something you can seriously be proud of!!!!

I'd also suggest journaling, write down these great changes your making and keep them there for days that you're feeling down. Remind yourself WHY you're doing this.

I wanted to add that my family member has made some amazing changes in his life. He still has a long road ahead of him but he's gone from severely depressed/suicidal to being able to work again and functioning in society. He took small steps, even just walking to the store and a lot fo encouraging family members. I know you say your DH doesn't understand because he's an optimist but try to feed off of his energy and use that to your advantage. You're not the first person that has had to deal with this nor will you be the last so you might also want to look online to find blogs of other bipolar individuals who have learned to balance their moods and overcome depression (that's something that really helped this family member).

Good luck and I really wish you well!
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Old 05-16-2011, 01:35 PM   #22  
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Quote:
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I took a very small walk yesterday and I felt great--I just couldn't continue it today because I fell off emotionally again.
You have to set goals for yourself. I'm going to help you and set the first goal for you right now. You will take a short non taxing walk five days in a row starting today. The reason for this goal is you want your child, your husband, and yourself to have a good life.

Put on your shoes and go outside for a short walk. Like the Nike cthommercials used to say ... "Just do it". Repeat every day until you've hit the goal. If one day you feel you can't for some emotional reason remember that you're not doing this for yourself you're doing for your child, your husband, and yourself.
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Old 05-16-2011, 02:00 PM   #23  
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Everyone has already said some awesome stuff. I just wanted to say that, after having my son, I had a rough patch with depression. I tried taking SAMe, which is an over the counter amino acid supplement. It worked awesome. It is supposed to work well on Bi-polar disorder. And it is my understanding that it is fine to take while BF. (But obviously, I am not a DR. - you should check with yours first)

And I can not stress enough how important exercise is. It helps level my moods, it give me the energy to keep up with my 2 yr old. And if I ask my son if he wants to go for a "walk" or a "run", I netter darn well mean it, b/c he gets SO excited to be in his jogging stroller!
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Old 05-17-2011, 02:58 AM   #24  
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Thank you everyone.

I did not go on the walk--terrible horrid New England weather..


BUT!

I did decide to cook today, which is a big step and always marks me coming out of a depressive state. I think I do make a catastrophe of nearly everything and nothing is nearly as bad as I anticipate it to be. I made pan seared tilapia with a light crust of whole wheat flour and garlic powder with salt and pepper. I used the Smart Balance butter spread to cook the fish in. I also made a mango salsa that was pretty good and just ate the filet over a large bed of salad. It was good and filling. I threw in plantains as I eat them with everything and drank some Honest Tea.

I did mess up later tonight by mindlessly eating--but I am trying to draw an analogy between my health and my academics. I am a pretty accomplished student and I am trying to apply my skill set from that aspect of my life to my actual body.

I realize I tend to forget myself so to speak. I do this, because as hard as it is to admit, I hate myself and I don't think I am worth improvement, help, love, etc... it stems from family issues. I always think I forget the past and forgive and move on but I just live out my pain instead of processing through it.

So in any event--I fell off the wagon tonight. I ate 2 icelollies and also some cookies that are for toddlers. I also did not eat in the morning, I sort of lounged about the house. For some reason I feel more invigorated at night so I cleaned the entire place which inspires my mood. Basically I had a bittersweet day. I am going to write down what I want to eat tomorrow, plug it in to a calorie counter and from there it is on.

No matter how tired I am I am going to wake up and walk in the rain with an umbrella. Even if I have to wait until noon I live about 1 mile from campus so I will simply walk where I need to go.

I think deep down I know I have the capacity to change my life for the positive and I am afraid because there is always that suspicion in the back of my head that suspects that I am not physically worth anything. I am again really happy to have found this site and most of all I am really happy that I've taken an honest look at myself. I want to be the person I know I can be even if it will take some time and mistakes.

John, you are right about setting goals. I am going to do that and just think of them as homework. If the weather ruins my plans tomorrow I will hit the gym. I have free admission because I am a student.

Thanks for the encouragement everyone.
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Old 05-17-2011, 03:16 AM   #25  
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You know what I like seeing? You're here.

That you ended up eating a few things you maybe didn't want to eat, but you're still here. You are taking it as an experience and are planning tomorrow so that it goes better.

That's all it is, really. That's all it takes. Doing a little bit better each and every day. And no matter what happens, we just continue forward.

Every step forward is a step closer to our goals.

I'm a very huge fan of "small changes, big results", and given some time everything adds up! Keep at it =)
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Old 05-20-2011, 12:14 AM   #26  
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The small changes you're making are excellent. It is so great that you're here, keep posting, it helps so much!

Like John said earlier, some people take small steps but some need to make big life changing ones. I had to make big ones. I have a food addiction so having any sort of junk around wasn't an option. Like an alcoholic, I had to cut it out the bad stuff completely. It SUCKS at first, but the more you get used to it, the better it feels. I KNOW you can do this. I just know you can. Don't have cookies in the house, your kids don't need them either. You can be the positive healthy rolemodel for everyone in your house.
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Old 05-20-2011, 11:37 AM   #27  
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I feel the same way you do in varying degrees. These feelings and thoughts you have cannot determine your future without your consent. It's hard to remember that you have control over your choices and to be mindful of those choices. We are so often in the habit of acting upon what we feel like doing that we forget to stop and think. And that takes energy that I know none of us are or were use to using!
Remember, the scale is only one measure of your success. Your success lies in every single choice you make that is honest with what you want.
I know it's embarrassing to talk about this stuff with anyone and I applaud you for coming on here. I am new too and already I am reaping tons of benefits! It's worth it! This site can be your crutch when you need help of any kind and that's OK! Anyone who says they don't need help isn't being honest with themselves.
If you get to a point where you may want to talk with your school's counselor, they can offer a ton of awesome methods to help you realign your relationship with your health.

And remember, this healthy life style thing is a balancing act. If you lean more towards unhealthy choices one day, then lean more towards healthy choices the next. Don't beat yourself up if you lean too far to one side...just recognize it, don't judge yourself!, and say, "Ok, this is what I'm going to do next." This takes ENERGY and a TON of practice...a little bit every day.

You are worth loving. Are you ready to start fighting for what you deserve?
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