Yesterday I hit 161.4. Today I'm the same. I'm hoping to see 160 before this month is up. I think it's do-able. But here's my quandry...when I think about it, I'm still 186lb. And yet, I only have 21lb to go. I'll be in the 150s soon--as in 2.4lbs. That just sounds strange, because after that comes the 140s. I'm sort of scared, and I'm wondering if I can and will actually go through with it. I'm especially scared that if I DO, I won't look the way I thought I would at 140, and that I might give up and not bother to get to 135 or 125.
I feel like I have things under control now, but another thing I'm sort of scared of is--what if I do make it to 125, and then I become obsessed with how I look and what I'm eating and how much? People already tell me I'm obsessive, but I'm scared I might become like, anorexic or something like that. I don't FEEL like I would, but I guess everyone has the potential. I mean, what if I got so concerned with being healthy I somehow warped my way of thinking or..something...I Don't now. Maybe this is just an excuse for when I get to a certain weight to not try anymore?
I'm just starting to get nervous. I don't want to give up, but I'm sort of scared of what will happen. My friend and I made a thousand pacts to lose weight, but we're actually doing it this time, and we always talked about how we'd buy bikinis. What if I'm so ugly looking after, I can't even wear a one piece? I feel like I'm subconsciously trying to sabotauge myself already!