What to say when someone says "I'm fat."

[iHeartU]

Um...hmm...if I said it to my significant other, I would want him to tell me that I was always beautiful to him but, if I wanted to lose weight, he'd help me in any way he could. Of course, I have yet to find this magical guy because every date I've been on has been with a complete douche. lol But, it seems like he's really insecure and maybe the best thing you can do is be there for him.

[krampus]

There's really no way to say this without sounding crass/insensitive, but on the blue-moon occasion my bf makes a disparaging remark about his body, I pacify him with "Nonsense, I'm not into fat guys and I'd tell you if there was a problem." It goes the other way too.

[Lovely]

I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all answer for this one. Different people might say "I'm fat" for different reasons.

Some to fish for complements. Some to bemoan the fact that it's just difficult being fat. Some because they want encouragement to do something about it.

I only say "I'm fat" (on extremely rare occasions) to ONE person on earth and that's my husband. His response is to kiss me and say. "And I love you."

Works for me! I get to have my brief pity-party. He's not trying to fake a "no you're not". He's acknowledged it and simply shows it doesn't bother him.

What does your boyfriend want to hear when he says it? Ask him. "Honey, when you say that... I'm not sure I know what to say back. Why are you saying you're fat and what can I say that you need to hear?"

Maybe he wants to hear "no, you're not" or maybe he wants to hear "yes you are now drop and give me 20!" Who knows until you ask!

Afterthought: When my husband (once a year at most) says he's fat or out of shape. I say "Hmm. Well, what do you want to do about that?"

[kaplods]

I think you have three helpful or at least options (and many harmful ones). You can ask how he wants you to respond and act accordingly. You can treat him as you'd want to be treated if the positions were reversed, or you could ignore the comment and let him deal with the issue in his own way, in his own time.

If I were at a point at which I was complaining about being fat, but not yet ready to do anything about it, I'd want my loved ones to be supportive, without nagging, criticizing, complaining, or using sarcasm. Pushing me only results in my pushing back - not in the direction either of us want me to go.

I'd want them to say something like, "I love you, and if you're not happy, I know you can do whatever you set your mind to, to get where you want to be. I'll try to help you any way I can."


My husband and I both have weight issues, but we've learned that the most helpful thing we can do is stay out of each other's way. We have different ways of addressing the issue, and our attempts to help the other, despite the best of intentions often backfire.

[blabberesque]

I say that ALL the time. What happened? People started getting ticked off. And yes, I'm a guy, guys do say "I'm fat" Not only women are self-conscious about their bodies! Haha. I'm trying to stop because the only thing it does is make me feel bad about myself and seem like a I have a crappy self-esteem.

Most of the times we complain is to get attention. We're naturally driven by attention. We all need it sometimes. So when I say it sometimes, I basically want someone to come up to me and say "naaah, you're just exaggerating" (or something like that). When someone tells you to leave them alone, they basically want you to stay. When they say they don't want to talk to you anymore, they need to talk to you the most. This is just another weird thing us humans do haha

[LandonsBaby]

When I say "gosh I am so fat!" I don't want my husband to respond at all. I'm not asking for compliments. I'm just venting and I don't need any comments. I think he's figured that out and so he just stays quiet or changes the subject - which is exactly what I prefer. We both know I'm fat and we both know neither of us likes it. It would be absurd for him to just go into something about me being perfect and beautiful. I would find it nauseating. He can tell me those things on his own time.

I would NEVER dream of saying it in front of anyone else. I think it's inappropriate.

[racrane]

Hmn, I can understand because I've gained 50 lbs since my boyfriend and I met. He's gained about 10 lbs since. So when he complains he's fat, I say "Oh shush, I think you're sexy no matter what." Usually he pinches his belly then and I say "But if you're complaining, let's go for a run/bike/walk" etc. It makes both of us feel better.

[Beach Patrol]

Originally Posted by blabberesque

When someone tells you to leave them alone, they basically want you to stay. When they say they don't want to talk to you anymore, they need to talk to you the most. This is just another weird thing us humans do haha

Not true for everyone. I imagine some people have trouble stating their wishes/desires, & I can understand that. Not me, tho! I mean what I say & say what I mean. When I say "leave me alone" I mean "leave me alone" - sometimes I don't want company and I don't want to talk. And when I say "I don't feel like talking right now" I mean it. When I say "I'm fat" - I'm usually just stating a fact; you know, thinking out loud or whatever. If I want my husband (or whoever!) to compliment me, instead of "fishing" I just say "Tell me I'm pretty" or "Don't I look awesome today?" ...LOL... I am so not shy about speaking up for what I want.

[kaplods]

Originally Posted by Beach Patrol

Not true for everyone. I imagine some people have trouble stating their wishes/desires, & I can understand that. Not me, tho! I mean what I say & say what I mean. When I say "leave me alone" I mean "leave me alone":

LOL! I also tend to be straightforward too (except occasionally during PMS/TOM - and I hate that about myself. If I don't mean them, I regret the words as soon as they're out of my mouth). If I say "leave me alone," in almost all cases, I REALLY want to be left alone.


I don't like having to speak in, or interpret "code." It's a good thing too, because my husband is absolutely horrible at interpreting indirect communication. He's extremely literal minded. He takes everyone at their word - their exact, precise, literal word. Even idioms confuse him if he's not heard them before - he'll say "what the heck are you talking about?" Like when I said "this steak is like butter" (meaning yummy and so tender the knife just slid through it," and he said "What? No it's not, steak isn't anything like butter," and I said "I didn't say it WAS butter, I said it was LIKE butter (and he argued again that it was nothing like butter), and we actually had an argument over how to use the word "like," and not taking people literally when they use figurative speech.

I thought I was literal minded until I met my husband.