Bad day

Beila · 05-09-2011, 10:50 PM

Just a bad day...

I sat in front of my computer and cried. I'm at my heaviest this year. Back to the start weight. My face is gross too. I have all sorts of acne at the moment and I can't stop squeezing them. A lot of it scarred and now it's just a bunch of scabs on my face and forehead. My birthday is coming up, and I just fee like not doing anything, just hiding under a rock because the last time anyone saw me was 5 months and 15 pounds ago. I can't seem to lose the same 5 pounds that have been plagueing me since January 1. Success come with failures, and with failures comes binging in defeat. I have been trying and trying, restarting over and over. I just had it with my weight. My chubby cheeks. My big thighs. Nothing fits right on me. So I just wear big clothes or gym clothes. I need to find a job soon but don't feel like going through the interview process because of my face and having to buy new clothes. I just have myself to blame, which is also not a healthy thing to do.

I'm the only person stopping me from achieving my goals, and I feel helpless.

Can anyone relate?

JohnP · 05-10-2011, 02:03 AM

It sounds like you could be or are close to being clincally depressed.

I'm not big on depression meds although certainly they have their place. I think the best thing to do is just stop feeling sorry for yourself and get active. Sitting around you just dwell on negative thoughts and there is a lot more time to think about and eat food.

Go for a long hike somewhere. Observe how insignifigant you are in the scheme of nature. This always makes me feel better.

krampus · 05-10-2011, 02:10 AM

Beila, I've read your posts in Chicks in Control. There is a lot going on and your recent achievements tackling binging are hardly insignificant. I think you'll feel better after a night's sleep. I always do, even if I fall asleep in tears.

Beila · 05-10-2011, 10:46 AM

I don't think I am close to being clinically depressed, although I did cry about my lack of results in my weight loss so far and my birthday coming up. I just feel like I am not going anywhere with the weight loss, and its sad to see my face with the acne.

I used to hike for miles and miles and would consider doing it again if it weren't for my terrible allergies. The gym is good though and I will try more of the yoga and other classes.

Thanks krampus for your words of encouragement.

surfergirl2 · 05-10-2011, 01:23 PM

Although people say starting a new lifestyle "tomorrow" is silly, instead you should start this minute...i think there is some merit to that. Starting fresh gives you extra motivation, gives you a brighter outlook, makes you excited for the changes that are to come. I have been doing really badly with the binging...i binged at least 3-4 days last week...and as i was binging last night, i decided THAT'S IT, tomorrow i'm getting back on track. I kept telling myself that, and i kept telling myself that when i woke up this morning. Now i am excited about it. So make some goals for yourself...decide that you WILL start feeling better about yourself starting tomorrow.

Beila · 05-10-2011, 03:03 PM

Waking up to a new day does make me feel better and renew my committment. Eating a healthy breakfast usually sets the healthy tone for the day too. I have been trying to get up earlier and earlier to do my jogs in the morning before breakfast as well, but haven't been able to wake up early enough yet.

Thanks all for the kind words.

I guess if anyone is reading this and is experiencing a bad day, it really does take the very next day or meal to feel better.

fatferretfanatic · 05-10-2011, 04:28 PM

Honey, I felt that way about seventy pounds ago. And now, at a very high weight, I am just now picking up those pieces. I think we all have distorted veiws of ourselves now and again. We're always thinking we're worse looking or better looking than we actually are, and in both cases it can be really depressing. Good thing about it is, we can change our weights! It might be very hard right now, but you aren't carrying around permanent boulders of weight. I am willing to bet that all the judement we percieve we get from others because of our weights come from our own judgement of ourselves because we already think we aren't good enough. We sure are though! Just do your best to try and do what makes you happy, and if that means that working out and doing your best on a diet is what will make you happy in the end, even if there is a little pain up front, it's totally worth it. Even if you've fallen off the wagon, your past is not who you are not definied by your past mishaps. Actually, mishaps are part of the journey. But, you will overcome them. You can do whatever you wish, because where there is a will there is a way. *hugs*