[Riestrella]

Is there anyone else on the forum who's over weight in a relationship with someone who is thin and healthy?

I am. He's so in shape, completely toned stomach, even got that sexy dangerous V!

He's so supportive of me and my weight loss, always just wants me to be happy and reassures me that losing weight is just the cherry on top of a delicious cake. He says I'm beautiful, that I'm really sexy...but sometimes I just think "How can someone like you find someone like me beautiful?"

I know it's more than looks, but sometimes I do get so down on myself because I'm so much bigger than he is. I feel really badly that he gives me all these compliments and sometimes I find it hard to believe =/. I want to borrow his t-shirts and have them loosely fit me, not fit so tightly!

It's not ruining our relationship or anything, we're very happy together, I was just wondering if there was anyone going through the same thing I am.

Thanks for reading!

[sacha]

No, not me. I was slim when I met my husband, who is overweight (not by much, but enough for him to complain to do something about it, his BMI is probably like yours).

So to answer your question, how can someone find him (you) so beautiful? Because we don't see "fat", we see a beautiful person. A beautiful soul, a beautiful personality, and yes, a beautiful body. Your hardest critic is yourself.

[WendeeLou]

My husband is thin.. not fit at all.. he is just skinny! At first it really intimidated me, and I had the same feelings as you.. I think in time they start to go away, especially since you are doing something about your weight, and are starting to lose. You will find little victories along the way that will help you gain more confidence and make you PROUD of your stuff.

Just like he said, the cherry on top. You are ALREADY a beautiful person inside and out (fat does not automatically= ugly) you being healthy and in better shape will only inhance the already great relationship you two have! keep at it sister!!

[Beach Patrol]

Originally Posted by Riestrella

Is there anyone else on the forum who's over weight in a relationship with someone who is thin and healthy?

I am. He's so in shape, completely toned stomach, even got that sexy dangerous V!

He's so supportive of me and my weight loss, always just wants me to be happy and reassures me that losing weight is just the cherry on top of a delicious cake. He says I'm beautiful, that I'm really sexy...but sometimes I just think "How can someone like you find someone like me beautiful?"

I know it's more than looks, but sometimes I do get so down on myself because I'm so much bigger than he is. I feel really badly that he gives me all these compliments and sometimes I find it hard to believe =/. I want to borrow his t-shirts and have them loosely fit me, not fit so tightly!

It's not ruining our relationship or anything, we're very happy together, I was just wondering if there was anyone going through the same thing I am.

Thanks for reading!

THANK YOU!!!! for posting this!!!!! I feel the same way!!! I can't help it! I look in the mirror & all I see is fat-fat-fat!!! And my skinny counterpart? Way too "hot" for me!!! But he says he loves me & heck... we've been together almost 20 years, so he MUST like something about me, LOL. But yeah, I feel you on this!

And is that you in your avatar pic? OMG! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

[Emmy1979]

My fiancé is slim and muscular - I'm not. We've been together for many years, so I (luckily) never doubt that he loves me and finds me attractive. One of my major goals is to weigh less than he does. Then, after that, to be light enough for him to (comfortably!) pick me up! LOL

[ish]

@wendeelou - I agree with you! I think it's extremely important not to equate weight with beauty. I know that sometimes it sounds played out, but you can be the loveliest most attractive person in the world with some significant weight to lose. Just like thin people can be awfully obnoxious and uninteresting. One doesn't negate the other, whatsoever, truly!

As much as I love reading this website (and oh do I read it, and rarely post) I am uncomfortable with the undertone of SOME of the comments/threads/sections - losing weight won't make you much happier in life if you base too much upon it. It is, in fact, the cherry on top. It's wonderful, but it will in no way make you the person you want to be.

@riestrella - be happy, you seem truly loved! Enjoy yourself. Oh and all the best in your weight loss, too! <3

[berryblondeboys]

I've been married for 17.5 years and with my husband for a total of 18.5 years. I was heavy when I met him. I was 190 and he was 155. I'm 5'6.5" tall. He's 6'1" tall. Now, he was at his SUPER skinny weight. He's now at 180 and trying to get down to 175. He's always been healthy, fitness level was hard while working, going to school, young kids, but he's fit now.

He's a very handsome man, is extremely intelligent and very humorous. I still wonder what he saw (and continues to see) in me, but he does see something. First, I think he likes 'fuller' girls. I'm not talking fat girls, but girls/women who have a shape- curves, but just fit. And that is my goal to be that (again). I'm built bigger than he is and probably will never weigh less or much less than him, but that's life. He has a small frame, I have a huge one. Makes for a better mix for our kids! (though seems one got his shape, the other mine).

[Txalupa]

Because you are gorgeous! You look like Kate Middleton in your pic!

[ShanIAm]

Yup, I used to be with someone like that. I was overweight when we met but felt "OK". He was tall, handsome, funny, smart, sexy. I gained 20 pounds over the course of our relationship. Then I dumped him before he had a chance to dump me. One of the biggest mistakes I ever made. I have regretted it every day for the past 5 years.

I'm glad you both recognize that what is on the inside is what counts. Unfortantely, for me, I didn't have enough faith in him or myself.

OK, sorry -- that was a depressing response!

Oh, and YES -- you are beautiful!!

[Chubbykins]

With a face like yours you'll be (even more) gorgeous once you reach the weight that suits you best. Think of a poor thin girl though with unattractive features... that can't go away so easily.
I have a friend with a perfect young body, pretty hair and eyes, but still the only thing people notice is her huge nose, and I don't exagerate, it is beyond the scope of simply large. "Ah the one with THE nose right?" People go... But still she has a boyfriend that digs her a lot for who she is. She is so sad about it anyways... I think it is just a matter of self-esteem in the end.

[konfyoozed]

i am almost 100lbs heavier than my fiance. he is the same height as me, and weighs 185. i recently celebrated *finally* being less than 100lbs heavier than him, if just barely. we've been together almost two and a half years now. i was around 300lbs when we met, during the course of our relationship i've been down as far as 268, but went back up to 300 within a year because i had zero support and actually had someone harassing me because i was losing weight and she was not, because she wasn't trying and i was.

he's always maintained that he loves me for me, not the number on the scale, and 100lbs up or down he'd still love me because he fell in love with who i am, not what i look like. though, i really do want to be his size or smaller. like berry, i will likely not ever be much smaller than he is, because he's got a small frame, and i've got a large one. but it would be nice. haha.

[Riestrella]

@sacha, WendeeLou & ish - Thank you for your responses - I just want to clarify that I do not in any way think that being fat/overweight means ugliness. I'm all about inner beauty! I was questioning being in a relationship with someone who's thinner, and the struggles one can feel while being so close and intimate with someone who's considerably smaller than you are. Also the psychological "pushing away" of compliments because of self confidence issues. Beauty comes with happiness, no matter what size. For me, my own personal beauty will come when I'm thinner - because that's me.

@Beach Patrol - 20 years, that's amazing! You sure are a beautiful person, perhaps we should both see past our own issues with our weight and take a look at that person our other halves see sometimes, eh? But I know that sometimes it can be hard when you think "Dayum - how did I deserve you?!" Glad to hear I'm not the only one!! And yes, that is indeed me in my avatar pic, one of my slimmer years! Thank you so much <3 That's so sweet of you to say!

@Emmy1979 - Does he ever try and pick you up, and then you scream at him to stop because you think he'll collapse under your weight? I say this because I do it ALL the time!! Haha! I know what you mean though, I want to be light and carry-able!

@berryblondeboys - Sounds like you've got a great guy =). You're very lucky and very deserving of his love I'm sure!

@Txalupa - Oh wow, that's quite a compliment! I've never been told that before! Thank you so much <3.

@ShanIAm - We all make mistakes and have to learn from them. I know I've made my fair share of mistakes that I regret to this day too. And thank you for your kind compliment, these are all making my week!!

@Chubbykins - Aww, thank you so much. I feel all flustered with all these nice things being said! That's a shame about your friend, I know how she feels. I've always been "blessed" with...let's say a pair of massive boobies! I've always been "the girl with the big tits." I hate being defined by a body part =/.

@k0nfyo0zed - Yeah, I know what you mean - you KNOW they don't care about your looks but deep down YOU want to be the person you feel. We'll get there!!

[beerab]

START believing them, you are what he says! If you weren't he would be with you. Next time he gives a compliment smile and thank him- over time you WILL start to believe it yourself.

Girl you are beautiful too so what are you talking about?!

And remember, you can always lose weight, but you can't gain personality!

[Emmy1979]

LOL Riestrella, I don't even let him try!!!! I don't want to be responsible for a broken back or anything! I wonder what weight I will have to be to tell him, go ahead!" :-)

[shimmmer178]

I feel the same way! My boyfriend is a police officer and was actually drinking weight gainer shakes when we first met to add some bulk. He likes to stay in shape, but could go 2 months without working out and then easily run 5 miles. When we first got together I questioned how he could be attracted to me (his ex was 25+ lbs lighter than I). Finally in the last 6 months or so I've realized that he's attracted to me for the same reasons I'm attracted to him and it's got very little to do with his body type. Its the way we laugh over the same stupid movies or the music we like or the things we're interested in doing... When that understanding hit it was really eye opening. I do the same thing when he wants to lift me up too, I guess in the back of my mind one of my "mini" goals is for my not to feel bad when he tries to do that one day because I will be my goal weight and he can easily bench that