Oh boy...something is going on with me emotionally today. I count calories and I am good about keeping myself on track. Weekends are a bit of a different story depending on how tired I am, how much running we're doing, etc., but I still tend to keep my calories at a pretty decent amount.
I have entered the 170s and I haven't seen them for over 10 years. I just WI in the 170s on Thurs/Friday and it seems like my brain is saying, "Oh really? You are in the 170s? You won't be there long. It has been over 10 years since you've seen them, and you don't belong there. When you weighed in the 170s ten years ago you partied all the time, dated a ton of different guys and life was sooooo different." Do I not know how to be myself as I am now as I move through my weight-loss? I ate quite a bit yesterday for Easter, and today I had good intentions of staying on my calorie plan. But I didn't. Instead, I ate 6 brownies, 4 cookies, an ice cream bar, and contemplated having a huge bowl of popcorn smothered in butter, but I opened my computer and started typing here instead.
It doesn't help that TOM is supposed to be here tomorrow, but what the heck? I remember doing this to myself at many different weights. When I was in the 190s, I would pig out just to see the 200 again so I could say to myself, "See! You can't hack it in the 190s and you definitely don't belong there." It's this tormenting game I play and I don't know why.
I don't know what I need to prove to myself. I am 5 pounds away from losing 100 pounds, and 15 pounds away from being at the goal weight I want to be at so my husband and I can start trying for children. Maybe I'm self-sabotaging because I am stressed and I don't even realize it. I don't know. I'm just having a frustrating night. I'm glad I have this board to come to.
I could have written your post. I wish I could give you some advice, but I've been stuck in this self-sabotage mode for 5 months. Still, I'm not giving up and I hope you won't either.
Emme - I'm sorry you're going through this. I can totally relate. You are doing the right thing by logging on and posting. Why not read some success stories or do a quick workout. You have been so encouraging to me (and others). You deserve to reach your goal so try and re group and get back into your groove. Once you get the sweets out of your system, it should be easier. Stay strong and have a good evening.
I could have written your post, too. and it started just the same as you... right when I broke 180 into the 170s. I did a lot of soul searching and beating up on myself and decide how to attack my problem and fight through it. It is too important to continue this journey. Make a plan for yourself and stick to it. You will feel so much better about yourself.... I am hoping to make it back to my 178 by Wednesday and then keep on going!
I self sabotage too... for me, it is the urge to see how much I can get away with eating before I gain the weight back... why are our minds so screwed up?
3500 calories in a pound. One day--even two days--isn't sabotage and won't make you gain a pound. It's your given cheat day--your calorie cycling--whatever you want to call it. You've shown your body that there's plenty of food available so no need to hold onto fat; now go back on plan for a week and, if your body starts craving again, tell it it can have another cheat/calorie cyclign day next week.
Your children will thank you.
Thank you for the kind replies...I don't know why I self-sabotage. I know I deserve to be happy and healthy...we all do. But some part of my brain thinks I don't. Can't figure it out, but I hope to someday. I remember being 150 in high school and I saw an ad for diet pills. I ordered them (this was back in the day before the internet) and it was going to take 6-8 weeks for them to arrive. So what did I do? I pigged out and ended up gaining 14 pounds while thinking to myself "it's ok, because the diet pills will take it off"..and of course they didn't. I've been sabotaging since I was 15 years old. Hmm. Haven't thought of that memory since then. I think I have some soul searching to do. Thanks for your kindness, ladies.
I self sabotage too... for me, it is the urge to see how much I can get away with eating before I gain the weight back... why are our minds so screwed up?
YES! I do this, too. "If I have 4 pieces of pizza, 2 brownies, and a cheesebuger on top of my already allotted calories for the day, how much will I weigh tomorrow morning?!?" Then when I step on the scale and it's not bad, I continue to eat more and more and more. Makes. No. Sense.
Wow -- granted I'm at a different place in my weight loss right now, but I have done this too. I think we all have, and not just with weight loss -- with relationships, schooling/career goals, everything. Thank you for putting into words something I've suspected about myself for a long time -- that every time my goals are within reach, I become afraid of them and run from possible failure. I'm so afraid of confirmation of being not good enough, that I make SURE I'm not good enough.
Remind yourself you DESERVE to be in the 170s. You've earned it. Look ahead, not behind: you now deserve to be in the 160s, and you'll earn that, too. No more self-doubt: weight-loss ain't easy, but it's brutally simple. The two pounds between 181 and 179 and the two pounds between 179 and 177? They work the same way. The only difference is psychological, and you can move past that. You will.
Emme- I am new here, and have not followed your journey. But you mentioned that you and your hubby want to try for kids, in a few pounds....it got me wondering if you have some anxiety about that????
Being pregnant, gaining weight, being a mom??? Just a thought, maybe those are thoughts that are contributing to the self-sabotage?
Just a thought......You are so close, I know that you can get past this - one day at a time and be successful!!!
Yeah I've been experiencing some self-sabotage lately, too.
No sooner had I broken through the 15kg mark, and was able to get into some plus size vintage coats and dresses, that I thought "I deserve to celebrate this", and went eating out!!!
Luckily I woke up to what was going on quickly and stopped it as quickly as possible. That's the trick - to get up after a fall immediately and keep on going!
Emme- I am new here, and have not followed your journey. But you mentioned that you and your hubby want to try for kids, in a few pounds....it got me wondering if you have some anxiety about that????
Being pregnant, gaining weight, being a mom??? Just a thought, maybe those are thoughts that are contributing to the self-sabotage?
Just a thought......You are so close, I know that you can get past this - one day at a time and be successful!!!
Yes, that could be a big contributing factor. It will be a huge change in our life and it does make me nervous. But, I am excited for it, and I'll keep pushing to get to my goal...I just hope this sabotaging stage doesn't last for too long. I'm going to work through some emotions this week and see what's going on.
It's PMS...those crazy hormones plays tricks with our brains!
You'll be ok after your "friend" gets here! I know...just went bat crazy this past week. I actually sat in my living room and decided one day to eat every PUMPKIN MUFFIN in my freezer...just for the principal! haha! No rational eating in the least bit. As soon as I fed the GIANT MONSTER (PMS), and my friend arrived...it was like I was a new person again...with a normal appetite (actually barely hungry at all)...and not a cavewoman SAVAGE anymore...it's crazy what those hormones can do to a woman's mind and body?
I guess that why woman "get off" in courts constantly for crimes committed while in PMS?..
Oh...and on making it into the 170's...so long 180's FOREVER!!! Next stop...160's!
Last edited by joyfulloser; 04-26-2011 at 09:53 AM.
I am sabotaging myself, and I acknowledge it.
I self sabotage too, don't know why except a fear of success or feeling that I don't really deserve the success? Could that be true for you too? 
I know...just went bat crazy this past week. I actually sat in my living room and decided one day to eat every PUMPKIN MUFFIN in my freezer...just for the principal! haha!
No rational eating in the least bit. As soon as I fed the GIANT MONSTER (PMS), and my friend arrived...it was like I was a new person again...with a normal appetite (actually barely hungry at all)...and not a cavewoman SAVAGE anymore...it's crazy what those hormones can do to a woman's mind and body?
on making it into the 170's...so long 180's FOREVER!!!
Next stop...160's!
