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I'm going to fatten you up!

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Old 04-20-2011, 11:35 PM   #1
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Default I'm going to fatten you up!

I think I have been subconsciously trying to fatten my husband up. One of my weight loss goals has been to weigh less than him. He was 5'11" 207lbs 2 months ago, and now he is 218lbs. (both weights taken first thing in the morning) Today at the store I bought him a couple of bags of chips, a 24pack of Coke, and later in the evening offered to go get him Pizza (which I did.) I used to make him more well balanced meals, and he would rarely have a 2liter of Coke, that would last a week.. but I find myself making him higher calorie, little to no vegetable dinners lately, and buying him a variety of junk food.

He went to the Doctor today for a check up, and tonight I asked him his weight.. 223lbs on the doctors scale, so I thought oooh maybe I can beat him! (because I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and will be weighed on the same scale.) Then I was like wait what? and it sort of clicked in my head what I have been doing. It WAS going to take me a couple of months to get below him, but now I am so close... because I sort of cheated.

So now, I am going to consciously go back to making him well balanced meals, and buy him more balanced snacks like before.. Sure he can still have chips, and junk.. but I will let him buy it.. not me, for some weird sabotaging purposes.

Has anybody else found themselves "fattening" people up, or sabotaging others weight, while you lose?
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Old 04-20-2011, 11:53 PM   #2
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I'm happy you acknowledged what you were doing! For his health and your future together (as in he will live longer and healthier!).

I have never done that but I am very guilty of living vicariously through others! Since I can't have it, I love making it for others. I am a huge baker, my all time favorite (and my specialty) are cookies of all kinds and since they are off limits for me, but I still love the act of baking- I will make delicious goodies and give them away and I find huge joy in watching others eat and enjoy them....
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Old 04-21-2011, 12:06 AM   #3
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I've done this. I love to bake and I feed all the baked goods I can't eat on my friends. Sometimes it's hard not to impose weight loss on others in any way -- not to push your decisions on others but talking about health foods too much, but also not try to feed them all the things you can't have.
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Old 04-21-2011, 12:28 AM   #4
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I live solo, so no. However, before I was laid off, I would make yummy homemade goodies for the guys in the office.
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Old 04-21-2011, 12:46 AM   #5
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I want to weigh less than my hubby SOOO BAD!!! We are the same height, he was 210, is now 181. I'm now 196. He STILL wants to lose like 5 more pounds, I really wish he would stop losing so I could beat him!
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Old 04-21-2011, 01:49 AM   #6
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My boyfriend has a wicked sweet tooth and I always get him candy and things because he's so darn hard to buy for. Also, if I decide to eat junk food, I find myself trying to give a bunch away to coworkers/friends/whoever's around. None of this happens with "fattening up" the other people in mind though. Just a tough time breaking the "food is love" mindset.
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Old 04-21-2011, 04:35 AM   #7
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I don't really bake for anyone, so I don't have this problem, but I have had a horrible habit of comparing myself to other people.
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Old 04-21-2011, 08:28 AM   #8
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Quite the opposite...
I am trying to slim my boyfriend down. Since I cook for both of us we decided to eat healthily together forever. It isn't much more work to count calories for him too. And he's a former fencing champion so he helps me with excersizing in return.
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Old 04-21-2011, 08:32 AM   #9
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My ex-MIL did this to her kids. During their childhood she was often dieting. She would little to no food but buy them tons of junk food. My ex even once asked her to stop but she wouldn't. So, of the four kids, 3 are now overweight (and 2 are really overweight). Not good!
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Old 04-21-2011, 08:56 AM   #10
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I was (am?) doing this too! My boyfriend is 5'6" (maybe 5'5") and 130lbs... and it's like, sheesh, give someone else a chance to have a rocking body, would you? He's up to 135 now (still smokin') and he's incredibly good at keeping his daily intake consistent. The only way I could get him to gain weight is if the two of us ate out every day, which would also make me gain weight, and drain our wallets.

My boyfriend wasn't always so slim though. Before he moved in with me, he was a bit tubby (175lbs). His mother ate out a LOT, so him and his brother did as well. As soon as he moved out on his own, the pounds just fell off. I'm so jealous that he doesn't have the same attachment to food as I do. (Although he has a fondness for eating out at restaurants, as do I, but the cost keeps us away from them... usually.) His little brother now, though, thanks to all that eating out, is 11 years old and the biggest kid in his class.
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Old 04-21-2011, 09:00 AM   #11
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I guess I try to fatten my husband up, but in a good way. He's 6'1" and ways 160. He eats so terribly. He won't eat until he's nearly passed out from hunger, and then he'll snack on crap. Before we met he survived mostly on crackers and fast food. To make matters worse, he struggles with depression, and I know that having a steady fuel supply would keep him on a more even keel, but I'm pretty powerless to do anything about it most of the day. So all I can do is try to make sure he has healthy meals when we're together.
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Old 04-21-2011, 09:03 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lackadaisy View Post
I've done this. I love to bake and I feed all the baked goods I can't eat on my friends. Sometimes it's hard not to impose weight loss on others in any way -- not to push your decisions on others but talking about health foods too much, but also not try to feed them all the things you can't have.
This! Exactly. Its so hard for me not to mention calories in a regular conversation that I feel like I bake (which I love to do) and feed the people who get the bulk of my weight loss talk.
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Old 04-21-2011, 12:40 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krampus View Post
My boyfriend has a wicked sweet tooth and I always get him candy and things because he's so darn hard to buy for. Also, if I decide to eat junk food, I find myself trying to give a bunch away to coworkers/friends/whoever's around. None of this happens with "fattening up" the other people in mind though. Just a tough time breaking the "food is love" mindset.
This is PRECISELY my problem. I like to feed my significant other because it makes him happy, and he has always had the same problem with me. It's been very hard for me to make him understand that he is behaving in a more loving way by NOT going out and buying me junk.

He's not ready to diet yet though, so I end up giving him all my cr*ppy food. Because I'm a vegan and he is an omnivore, I end up cooking two meals anyway, so it's kind of easy to foist all my junk food onto him in the name of 'love'. A habit I really ought to break.
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Old 04-21-2011, 03:49 PM   #14
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This is where marrying someone who is 19 inches taller helps. He'll always weigh more than I do.

I know I do try to feed him to make him happy but I also try to get him to eat healthier things. I don't buy junk food except the occasional dark chocolate or small container of dairy free ice cream. I buy him chocolate almond milk because he loves it and it won't make him as congested as regular milk.

So I guess the short answer to the OP is no, I've never tried to make my husband weigh more.
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Old 04-21-2011, 03:55 PM   #15
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Yeah, I do something like this, and I call it "vicarious eating" or "voyeuristic eating."

Mostly it happens at restaurants, but it can also happen in a bakery or a candy shop. I find myself urging my companion or family member to eat what I'd get, if I weren't watching myself so strictly. I get immense satisfaction if they buy the thing on my recommendation. It's like I'm eating through surrogates.

I don't think it's a good thing. At all. I get too breathy & overexcited & intense & too insistent with them, and whenever I get like that, it's because something unhealthy is happening between me & food.

I am not trying to fatten up my companions, I'm trying to live through them by watching them enjoy something I will not permit myself to eat anymore. And I'm also trying to feign having a normal relationship with food, in which I recognize & acknowledge the deliciousness of certain things, when in actuality, if I dwelt on that, I'd be eating them in obscene quantities, and probably revert to bingeing again.
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