Guy on a Diet
Join Date: May 2010
OK, this is just a warning, it's a vent/rant, just need to get it off my chest. I know I have to keep on trucking. I have been successfully losing weight for about 5 years now. It actually started as a health scare, I began losing weight without trying, but once that was over, I stuck with it. I started off at 448 lbs. I'm 5 ft 10 (varies a bit though), and a guy.
I have always been overweight since I was a child, I know nothing different. In a year's time I'd gone down to 300, and by 2007 I'd hit my low of 237.
Then I got ill with osteo-arthritis and swelling and began taking NSAIDs to numb the pain. In some people this causes massive water retention and weight gain, I was one of the "lucky" ones. Got all the way back up to 351 with the combo of NSAIDs and eating worse choices.
When I'd gotten "thinner" I had gotten used to the life of a thinner person and people treating me as human and giving me increased attention, but it also kinda freaked me out, which is the subconscious as to why I started eating more again.
Anyway, it took me months just to get back to 300 again and try to repair my metabolism. I had to stop taking the NSAID, but I got "lucky" lost my job and hence off my feet.
I finally got down to below 300 and then it seemed like I was forever going up and down the 280s over and over and over again. Now it's happening with the 260s and 270s. Recently, I went on a long walk and got horribly sunburned, and had to restart the NSAIDs, that spiked me up 6 lbs after a bit of eating from the low 270s to nearly 280.
I'm getting less sympathy now because even where I am when I tell people they still say: "well you're thinner than me, etc." lol. But it's still frustrating nonetheless. It's like my body is just hardwired to be morbidly obese and if I let off even for a second, it balloons back up like some one has an airhose connected to me like Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka when she turns into a blueberry, except the male version.
When I got thinner, I'd made friends who never knew I was ever morbidly fat, but after I started getting fatter, that illusion dropped. I had a friend start to nag me all the time about my eating choices when her own weight spiked, start suggesting exercise, I had friends start to "take the mickey" out of me and make fun of me being fat or my hairloss, like it's the first time this has happened to me.
And, it's just driving me crazy. And, so recently I was reading a man's story about his upcoming WLS surgery, and he actually gained weight to the low 300s. Then he had the surgery and a mere four months later, he passed me right on by, my lowest weight ever and down to the low 220s.
Meanwhile here I am slaving away, yo yo yo yo yo yo, forever, going slowly, and just I feel like it'll never get here and even if it does, like I won't be able to keep it, even though I'm getting within 20-30 lbs of being "safe weight" where people tell me to "stop".
I'm just really frustrated, partly because being a fat child, it's kinda different than a person who has been thin all their lives and it's a new thing. I know no other thing than being a stigmatized almost non-human for daring to be different and big, it's all I have ever known. And, so when I got to a thinner weight, it was like I was toyed with to see how it could be, and it's even crazier than you can imagine for an innocent like me, protected behind my wall of fat.
So anyway, this is just a rant of frustration that I'm never going to get there and so very tired of the yo yoing. Even when I get into a nice steady pattern, it always bounces back because I have bowel issues. My body is happier eating about 2500 cals, but that's not gonna help my weight issue. So I'm just frustrated because it just feels NOT fair!
So just ranting. Thanks for listening, lol.