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Coming to Terms With Certain Limitations

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Old 04-05-2011, 10:08 PM   #1
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Default Coming to Terms With Certain Limitations

I've always known that I was thick boned but it wasn't until today that I realized what that means in the scheme of things. For the last 40 pounds I've been losing almost entirely front to back and not side to side and though I noticed I figured sooner or later it'll come off the sides to and I tried not to worry about it. Well today I was putting on my shirt and I realized I could feel and count my ribs down the side you can't see them thank god but they can easily be felt and counted and I realized I can lose some more back fat and maybe some boobs (seriously hoping i don't since I'm only a B) but my chest is pretty much stuck the width that it is. Then later when I went to go lay down to read I realized that when I lay down I can clearly feel the sides of my pelvic bones less then a quarter of an inch below my skin and I realized I'm probably not going to get much smaller side to side there either and I was swept with a deep wave of sadness.

I truely realized for the first time I am always going to be thick. That even when I get down to an exceptable weight I'm still going to look larger then a normal person. That there is nothing I'm ever going to be able to do about that. For a second I felt like all of my work has been for nothing but then I stared at my belly, what's left of my chin, and my back fat and I told myself we still have some ways to go worry about this when you get to goal. Easier said then done. I know I still want to lose this weight and nothing has changed about that. I will work to get it off and it will come off eventually but emotionally I feel slightly heart broken as silly as that may sound.

Has anybody come to a similiar realization? If so how have some of you who've reached your goal weight deal with it?
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Old 04-05-2011, 10:13 PM   #2
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My bone structure means I'll never be a waif but I'm learning to love my body regardless.

I don't know if I can reach my goal weight but I want to keep trying no matter how long it takes me. It's definitely disheartening some days though but you get passed it by celebrating things you do like about yourself

I have found though that I am starting to lose in places I thought would always be problem areas. I think my arms are more toned now than before. I've always hated my upper arm thickness but I'm starting to realize I can get smaller than I originally thought!
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Old 04-05-2011, 10:16 PM   #3
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As long as you are trim and fit, you'll be fine. I hope you come to terms with your natural look, stop thinking of it as a limitation, and start to feel like you look great - people come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, and structures - that's part of what makes human bodies beautiful. I often think wide women are hot.
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Old 04-05-2011, 10:43 PM   #4
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First, there is THICK and there is bigger build. They are not the same. "I" am now currently thick and I also have a big build.

I too used to want to be small, tiny, petite. I will never be that. I have a 7.25" wrist with no fat around it. My fingers cannot reach around. I have 'birthing' hips. (and my babies were 10 lbs 9 ozs and 11 lbs 14 ozs and both were born naturally, no drugs and were born a bit early). I have a big rib cage, size 10 feet and boobs galore. That is always there.

The good part of that is that you and I are at lower risk for bone disease later in life. This is a blessing. And we are strong. This is all plus.

And believe it or not, many men like strong, solid women. Mine does. He definitely prefers me thinner than I am now, but he likes 'my' type much more than his twiggy mother type (and his small frame type too).

I know, sometimes I get worried that I look like Wendy Williams on Dancing with the Stars where in my heart I want to look like one of the professional female dancers. But, Wendy Williams is 'thick' as well as having a big frame. If she dropped 50 pounds, she wouldn't look thick. Don't confuse the two.
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Old 04-05-2011, 10:46 PM   #5
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Great point above...honestly, and I've racked my brain here, of all the shapes and sizes of women I see out in public, at the gym or around campus, I can't recall seeing anyone trim and fit/at a "goal" weight who I didn't think had a great figure! I can't even picture an unattractively structure fit female figure. Regardless of your natural bone structure, you'll look fantastic to the world when you meet your weight and fitness goals.
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:37 PM   #6
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niafabo, Being thick boned is like the color of your eyes why would you want to change the very basic part of you. Everyone has different size frames. Please don't let that negative thought enter into your mind. I know that is easier said than done. You are where I would love to be, in striking distance of your goal weight!! When I was at my goal weight my hands were less chubby but not "less boned". I have big hands for a woman regardless of my weight.

You are always so helpful to others through your posts. Please be as kind to yourself.
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:58 PM   #7
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I can understand totally what you are saying...I too have thought about it. I look at my "goal" weight of 175...which isnt even my "normal for height" weight, its over...and I think...how in the heck can I be 175, or smaller? I was over 200 when I was TWELVE YEARS OLD!!!!
And at that point, I was definately chubby, but not fat fat fat, ya know? 175 is about what my 13 year old, athletic, not large, wears normal sizes, daughter weighs...
Its really scary to think about....and knowing I will most likely never ever be skinny, does plague my thoughts when I am having doubts about losing.
I guess its one of those things that we all just need to come to terms with as we get "smaller"....and it really isnt about what the scale says, its really about your health, and how good you feel
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Old 04-06-2011, 12:06 AM   #8
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that sounds so much like me, I have really big hips... my current bmi is 25.6 (so only just in the overweight category) yet my hips are still 110cm (44 inches)...... my upper body is fairly fine, but my hips :O and they never get smaller its bone, not flesh thats left now.
I never get below a size 14/16 clothing due to these hips, and it does get me down! but I have to realise we are not all built the same, and instead of focusing on the negatives look at the positives.
I am really tall, have a great waist line, and I LOOOOOVE my collar bones and shoulders!
I think we need to stop being brain molded by the media in what is the right size, shape.. etc.. (me included!) and learn to love ourselves for who we are individuals
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Old 04-06-2011, 12:25 AM   #9
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It's easy to hate on our bodies. From the other side of things:

I am "very small framed" everywhere on earth except Japan. This means that I will always look "fluffier" at X number weight than other women my height and weight, which I find EXTREMELY frustrating. My wrists are about 5.25 inches and I can't wear storebought watches or bracelets without cutting half the links off. I buy children's shoes sometimes because they are cheaper and fit.

I see so many women with similar builds to me who achieve and maintain very low weights through healthy "always done this" lifestyles, but I know for myself that the restrict/binge/disordered monster would rear its ugly head far far before I can ever achieve the body I dream about. Coming to terms with the fact that I will never have an "Asian-slim" figure is hard and a work in progress.

I have to focus my energy on enjoying my life as a healthy person with good habits and a long life expectancy instead of obsessing over this stuff. It gets us nowhere!
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Old 04-06-2011, 12:57 AM   #10
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Nia: I haven't been on here for about a month but your new avatar looks so amazing! You can really tell a difference now you are withering away lol
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Old 04-06-2011, 02:21 AM   #11
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I'm a large frame gal, too, and I often run into these same thoughts. I try not to let them get me down, but we all have our bad days. Know this: you can still lose inches where weight may not be lost. You can still work on lowering body fat to a percentage you find appealing. You can still sculpt your arms, torso and legs into the powerhouses you dream them to be. Sure, we all run into physical limitations where our actual organs and bones are concerned, but if there's a personal goal to be had, whittling can be done. Though, at some point the whittling is all you are doing and the living has faded to the background.

So find that happy medium and hug yourself every day for how far you've come and how good you now feel. Relish in the small things you couldn't do that you can now do with ease! Celebrate that body you've been strengthening because you've done such a fabulous job!
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Old 04-06-2011, 02:33 AM   #12
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Nia - I am discovering this now, about 5 pounds from goal. I have no booty (a family trait) and I still can't get below size 8. I know that this should be "small" but the average 20-something in my college town is a 2-6 usually a four. I can count my ribs by feel and I can feel/see my hip bones when lying down, I am well within normal BMI but I am not small, I can't be a waif. Now I don't really want to be a waif, but I'd like to be small for once, not the hulking tall girl in the corner.

Part of me thinks that I probably am "small-ish" and just can't see it because it takes time for body image to catch up with the loss. I know when I was a 14 I thought a 10 would be good, and that people at 10 looked hot, so maybe it's in my mind, but why then am I in 8s when those of comparable if not heavier weights are in 6s?
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Old 04-06-2011, 02:38 AM   #13
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I'll put in my two cents. I'm so sorry you felt bad today. Hopefully this will help: I am in a ballet class for ladies, and the ones who look the wonderfulest are those who are narrow from front to back. I, unfortunately am very thick from front to back, but quite narrow from side to side. I have always been this way, even back when I weighed 105 pounds. (But at that low weight, it still looks good - as you will and do). I saw a picture of a professional ballet dancer - and a principal dancer at that. She had a very wide rib cage and was quite boxy for someone so slender, but she looked super hot - they even made a poster of her posing in a tank top and little shorts for people to buy. I wish I remember her name, but it sounds like you and she have the same basic bone structure. When I saw that picture, as well as some dancing photos of her, I wished, wished, wished I had her body.

Another person I can think of who is wide bone structured, but thin and gorgeous is the actress who plays Daphne on Frasier. She of course is a knock out, but I noticed she has wide bones, but is very narrow front to back. (As an aside, in one season she was pregnant in real life, so the story line was about her gaining a bunch of weight, so she was really dressing to try to look fat for a few shows - she still looked good, though). All the Frasier shows are on YouTube for some reason, so you can go and see what I mean if you like.

I think you'll be very, very happy with the way you look when you get to the goal weight you've set for yourself, and also you look good right now in your picture
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Old 04-06-2011, 06:13 AM   #14
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I also have had a hard time accepting that I am 'wider' than I'd like.

When I was younger a friend told me you have fat under your hips and ribs and when you lose it, they move closer together and shrink. Which now sounds ridiculous but I really believed it for so long, I'd been given this (albeit false) hope that one day I'd be narrow and skinny.

I have a fairly wide kinda boxy looking rib cage and wide hips, but if you turn me sideways I look pretty slim.
At around the 130lb point my upper body starts looking quite bony, my spine and ribs are pretty noticeable if I stretch a little and I've had a fair few people bring it up. What annoys me though is that I still have big thighs which could definitely use being slimmer, yet the weight continues to come off my torso.

Tanstaafl: Was the dancer Polina Semionova? She quite often looks to have a slightly larger bone structure compared to a lot of dancers. She has a gorgeous body, a lovely mix of slimness, muscle and daintiness.
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Old 04-06-2011, 07:04 AM   #15
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With me, it was kind of like having a mental tantrum, when I realized that I couldn't have EXACTLY what I wanted.

I'd lived with my body for a long time, vaguely dissatisfied but more preoccupied with other aspects of my life.

Then I decided to make this effort to change it, and when it began responding by dropping weight & gaining muscles, I think I started being more ambitious on its behalf, and became enamored with the idea of modifying it & making it match some vision in my head.

Where did that vision come from? Oh, lots of images I've been exposed to over the years & brief glimpses of actual women. Was it realistic for me? I never gave that a thought at all. It was more like, "Oh, I've become so competent at reshaping myself through my efforts, I'm sure I can take this all the way."

Well, no. I can't change my height. I can't change my leg length. I'm not a hunk of clay or a piece of taffy that can be stretched & stretched. I'm willing to eat carefully, healthily & mindfully, but not to be radically restrictive for years on end. I'm willing to exercise two hours a day, but I'm NOT going over that, damn it. And I'm still freaked out by surgery & appalled by the cost. When we start talking money, I can't help but think of other things that the same amount would buy. I'd rather take a European vacation than pay for liposuction or any kind of body lift.

So the best course for my peace of mind is some degree of acceptance. And so I want to circle back around to how I felt when I was just living, and working on other things, only I want to give my body its fair share of attention this time -- no more & no less -- rather than completely ignoring it.
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