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Noticing some comments from people about getting noticed

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Old 04-01-2011, 12:42 PM   #1
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Default Noticing some comments from people about getting noticed

I was reading along in several threads and one thing that a lot of overweight (and I'm talking seriously overweight - not the 10 to 20 pounds kind of overweight) tend to get uncomfortable with is the fact they are no longer invisible. They are now getting comments and looks. Men are starting to give them the eye and so on. And it got me to thinking about this.

I know, always, I was very uncomfortable with getting attention for my looks. VERY. I 'guess' I was a very pretty teen. I had an hour glass figure too. My mom (who was always overweight) and grandmother LOVED my body. I remember one time, when I was 15, they were trying to convince me to get a string bikini. I refused, and got my covering my body one piece. They later went out and bought me the string bikini. I wore it ONCE in my back yard to suntan.

I didn't like the attention for my boobs, for my body and guess what... I started gaining weight, and the looks and positive/sexual attention started to go away. That was much more comfortable for me.

However, I didn't like being fat and feeling ugly either. Like, I wanted to look pretty TO ME and to at least one person to want to date me, (and now for my husband) abut not from anyone else?

And like other people are commenting, How do you feel about people (especially of the opposite sex) who didn't use to give you a second of their day, who now all of a sudden start showing interest? Now, this hasn't happened to me yet as I'm still way overweight, but I know it will happen. Isn't that so shallow? "Sure, you like me now, but not when I weight 200 lbs?" But is this fair? I'm not attracted to overweight men. I don't look at the old John Goodman and say, "Man, he's hot!" But look at him now? There was a good looking older guy under all the fat! (see the before and after) http://www.examiner.com/celebrity-fi...-pounds-photos Now I would notice him more. Not that I would ever be mean to someone overweight, but would I be attracted to them? Nope! Yet, I've been expecting my husband to be attracted to my fat body.... double standards! (and for the record, he is NOT attracted to fat people... just loves me).

Yet now, I am craving getting noticed. I am tired of 'hiding' behind my fat. Maybe that was part of my need for this weight loss? I was tired of being invisible. Maybe it's because I'm invisible in other ways too with being a stay at home mom?

I just wonder if some of the reason so many of us got fat in the first place was with not feeling comfortable with who we are? Wanting to hide... or am I a rarity? My sister, by the way, is my polar opposite. She craves the physical attention. In high school, she wore mini skirts and tight tops, she took my string bikini and wore it to the pool. She wore the breast revealing clothes and soaks it up that at 38 she still gets the 'looks' for her body. And while everyone in my family struggles with weight. She has never gotten more than 15-20 pounds overweight. That attention for her body is too important to her to get fat and lose that.

And this probably sounds super, duper petty, but I would LOVE (as my sister is a piece of work), LOVE to be the 'pretty one' again. My sister is very pretty, but I was the 'prettier one". I feel awful typing that, but for once in my adult life I want to be pretty again before I get too old. I'm 41 and time is ticking...

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Old 04-01-2011, 01:18 PM   #2
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I've noticed that even when I lose a few pounds, even people who have never met me before start to notice. It's kind of uncomfortable, I'd rather have the people in my daily life that didn't give me the time of day before actually come up and talk to me. And then of course I get the "What, now that I've lost a few pounds you come up and talk to me?" thoughts, but I don't know which is worse. Though I really do like the attention. Even though it makes me uncomfortable at times. I think I'm only uncomfortable because I'm socially awkward and don't know how to deal with it.

This time around I haven't lost enough weight to really be noticed by anyone, since I really kept to myself when I was at my heaviest. It's going to take me a while to see a difference this time around, I think.

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Old 04-01-2011, 01:56 PM   #3
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It's not petty to want to be noticed-nor is it petty to want to look in the mirror and see beautiful. When I was about 40 pounds lighter than I am now, and that's still over 200, I got looks and I got noticed. I was bigger, but I held my head up high. I wasn't fat enough to be ashamed of myself. I smiled at people, and they smiled back. I complimented others, and they complimented me. But I noticed something-after I got over about 220, I started not wanting to have others look at me, so I never looked at others. Back then, I remember the only part of my walks across campus that I noticed was the sidewalk. I never smiled at people when they walked by, or went out of my way to talk to anyone. I have to think that some of the reason people did notice me was my body language. Now that I am feeling better about myself because I'm controlling my diet and doing exercise, even though I've only lost 13 pounds, I am getting smiled at more, noticed more, complimented more. I guess before, I didn't hold my head up high because I felt I didn't deserve it and now I do. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be noticed because you're proud of yourself-and I feel the same way with my sis. I want to be just as pretty as she is again and for us to be able to wear each others' clothes.

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Old 04-01-2011, 02:01 PM   #4
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I was flirted with a lot in high school even thought I was not skinny then either. Not going to lie, I liked the attention and I kind of miss it sometimes. Not that I want guys wanting me or anything. I absolutely 100% love my husband and he's the only one I ever want to be with. It definitely feels good when you get a second look though. Being heavier barely gets me eye contact anymore. I'd also like to actually look good on my husband's arm. He's in very good shape and I really feel like we're mis-matched sometimes.
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Old 04-01-2011, 02:05 PM   #5
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I think I give off more of a friendly vibe now that I've lost weight. When I was at my heaviest I always sheltered myself, gave people short quick answers and my body language was probably horrible. I actually had a guy chit chat with me for a while on a plane and holding a conversation felt very comfortable. I had a college interview about a week ago and the lady loved me--I probably could have never done that with my extreme shyness and self consciousness at my high weight.

I like it. I feel like a "better" person. I know I'm the same person I was when I was heavier, but now I feel more comfortable showing myself to other people. I can imagine it will only get better as I shed more pounds. Self confidence is a very powerful thing.
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Old 04-01-2011, 02:10 PM   #6
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I gained weight for a slightly different reason. It wasn't because I was trying to hide behind my fat, but I used food as a coping mechanism. All those fatty, sweet foods made me feel better (albeit temporarily) and when I was in my formidible teen years, my dad was around and treated us like crap and my poor mother was working to keep us afloat so much we barely saw her. I just needed a damn hug but instead I got crappy fatty food and blew up.

So, knowing that I'll get more attention from the opposite sex doesn't really bother me. It's not for them, it's for me. In the past few weeks, I reconnected with a male friend I haven't seen since my first boyfriend (now married with two kids !). He saw a picture of me and commented on how I look amazing and awesome. Funny enough, I'm heavier in the picture than when I saw him last but it definitely doesn't make me uncomfortable, it's just a "Thanks" and move on. The only thing that would make me very uncomfortable is if it was a horrid, creepy and sexually explicit comment, then I'd probably punch them or call the cops depending on the circumstances.

But, if knowing others think you're pretty and it gives you a boost and something to strive for, so be it. Use it as an advantage, as motivation. There's nothing wrong with having some vanity and "healthy" goals for weight loss so long vanity doesn't consume you.

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Old 04-01-2011, 02:13 PM   #7
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i think a lot of it is about confidence, like the other poster said, when you are confident you smile, hold your head up high and engage people.
the attention is a funny thing, this is the second time i've lost weight (regain), when i was thinner (about 170lbs) i got lots of attention, and whilst it was nice it did make me very uncomfortable at times. for me i guess it's the level of attention, a smile from a cute guy walking past makes my day, but a sleazy guy trying to push his number on me just makes me squirm.
my sister and i seem to swap weights, when im fat she's thin and vice versa. i'm looking forward to a time when hopefully we will be similar weights and can do sisterly things like clothes shopping without either one of us feeling embarresed or selfconcious.

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Old 04-01-2011, 02:34 PM   #8
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I had lots of issues growing up and feel that my eating habits, fear of attention, and weight all reflected that. I was molested throughout my childhood by a family member, and around the time I hit puberty I gained a lot of weight and became petrified of men and any amount of physical attention I might get. I didn't even go on my first date until I was 25!

When I was around 20 I lost a significant amount of weight for the first time. Guys really started to notice me for the first time as my figure emerged and it freaked me out. All the weight eventually came back on and then some. I hated being fat but maybe I hated the attention even more.

I don't think I've got the same fears now. I've been through a couple of serious relationships and am currently married. I'm a little more experienced socially and sort of feel "protected" by my husband. I believe I'll be able to handle the attention this time around without turning to food.

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Old 04-01-2011, 02:43 PM   #9
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I can comment on the situation with people that never paid a bit of attention to me now acting like they finally "see" me... it REALLY makes me very mad.

I am not sure why I am so irate about it though. I have a friend and her husband whom used to not even look at me when I would talk to him is starting to be much more attentive. He really creeps me out now.
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Old 04-01-2011, 02:58 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by MissSMcC View Post
...a smile from a cute guy walking past makes my day, but a sleazy guy trying to push his number on me just makes me squirm.
Ah, I totally relate! But I also keep it in perspective that whether it is a cute guy or a jacked up one, they still know a good looking woman when they see one! So either way, I take it as a compliment.

There is a really nice guy at my gym that I think is flirting with me. I donít think Iím interested but I always hope to see him when I am there. I admit liking the attention. I like the stupid way he tries to start a conversation (he says the most off the wall things!) and the goofy grin on his face when he talks to me. Itís very endearing.

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Old 04-01-2011, 03:14 PM   #11
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I can totally relate to this issue. I didn't start gaining weight until I was in my late 30's. I was always really thin up to that point and fit too. Men were always coming on to me and I hated it. To add to that complication, women would reject me. I had a boyfriend who treated me like a possession and was very controlling with food. I got out of the relationship but began binge eating shortly after. I am still convinced that binge eating began as a rebellion to being told what and when I can and can't eat, and be treated like a commodity by another person.

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Old 04-01-2011, 03:15 PM   #12
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I'll be honest I've been fat since puberty and I do not like the attention at all. Like I really want to like it and to feel pretty but I just don't. I want to like how I look but I only want the person I like/love to like my appearence and everyone else to take a hike. I think losing weight has made me more anti-social. XD

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Old 04-01-2011, 04:08 PM   #13
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This is really tough. I posted about a week ago about some of my discomfort with this issue and about someone who accused me of doing drugs.

I have been thinking about it alot. I have decided to try to simply give people, men or women :-) the benefit of the doubt. I have also come to the conclusion that most of this is as much about how I feel about myself, and how I carry myself.

Hang in there everyone
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Old 04-01-2011, 04:28 PM   #14
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I like it, because I like having more power in this world. Attractive woman have power of a kind that I rarely was able to grasp at, when I was 100 pounds heavier.

Also, I like that it opens up some fun in the form of playing: Playing dress-up. Playing with hair & make-up. Trying on different styles, different versions of me. Am I tailored? Romantic? Avant garde? Traditional? I'm my own Barbie doll. That's kind of fun. When I was fat & plainer-looking, I didn't bother. I was kind of censorious & puritanical about women who cared too much for their appearance. Sneering a lot about inner beauty being the only kind that counted. Huh. Well, maybe for some things. But in a lot of the things in this life, a little outer beauty most definitely helps.

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Old 04-01-2011, 04:45 PM   #15
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I don't get noticed very much right now but when I was 175lbs I did. Being so big keeps me at distance right now and I like it like that. I am sure the smaller I get the more open I will be but for now I like the not noticing.

Smile it makes people wonder what you are up too!!!
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