OK, I’m going to beat myself up here……and then calm myself down.
I hate that I feel like I lost control yesterday. OF ALL DAYS! Yesterday morning I woke up at 4am, weighed myself and saw 149 on the scale! I haven’t been in the 140’s since 1994. I got to the gym at 4:45am and worked out for an hour. Breakfast…good. Lunch…good. Then I offered to take a friend to Olive Garden for dinner for her birthday. I went online and printed nutritional values. Settled on an 800 calorie entrée and off I went. I had a little time so I went to a store and bought a new pair of size 10 pants. Another milestone. Then it came crashing down at Olive Garden. I had half the salad, a breadstick and my entrée…which I knew was more than 800 calories judging by the pool of butter sitting around the baked stuffed chicken. Yeah, ate it anyway. I did leave about ¼ of it though. Then Mr. Waiter brought out a little dessert for my friend. Had two bites of that. Then two cups of coffee.
On my way home, I stopped at the drugstore. Picked up a 24 ct of ex-lax. Took 3. I know this doesn’t stop calories from being absorbed but I wanted that food OUT of me ASAP. Never in my life have I abused laxatives…this is a first for me.
This morning was our monthly departmental get together. Bagels ….coffee ….muffins ….cinnamon rolls. No fruit, of course. I ate half a bagel with some cream cheese. And now I’m off to meet another friend for lunch. And I can’t work out tonight because I have a weekly standing Skype date with a long distance pal.
I will NOT misbehave at lunch.
I will take a walk or use my elliptical at home after Skyping since I can't get to gym.
I will get all my water in this afternoon.
I will throw away the rest of the ex-lax when I get home.
I will NOT beat myself up about it anymore.
I will tell myself that this will NOT spiral out of control like it has in the past.
A new start begins in 5…4….3….2…..1.