[luciddepths]

I hope you keep going and do it for yourself.

[MissSMcC]

Originally Posted by Shmead

I agree that there is nothing wrong with losing weight for vanity, but for my husband at least I think it was hard for him to watch me denying myself/suffer when he thought it was all about vanity. He didn't have any doubts about my fidelity, but he didn't like to see me unhappy for what seemed to him a silly reason (and, of course, I'd carefully hidden from him how unhappy being overweight made me).

i think its lovely that your husband wants you to be happy and not suffer, and i agree we aren't always forthcoming with how much our weight affects us, but the OPs boyfriend has said he wont find her as sexy if she loses weight. that makes him less a caring, concerned partner like yours, and more a selfish dumbwit IMO.

[IheartZumba]

My soon to be ex husband didn't want me to lose weight either. After I lost my first 50 lbs he became very discouraging and started accusing me of cheating. It made me feel horrible, but no matter what he said, it was just more fuel for my fire. I worked out harder and kept a closer eye on what I ate. Then decided I didn't want to be his fat "security blanket."

Of course, that wasn't the only reason for our divorce. It was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Just remember, you're doing this for you. No one else.

[MusicalJess]

Thankyou so much for all your feedback.
I had a breakfast of greek yogurt, honey and cranberries this morning. About 11am. So I knew that I wouldn't really be hungry by 1:30pm. And then that meant I couldn't eat everything on my plate. Plus I told my boyfriends mum that I am dieting and asked her not to put any potatoes/gravy/stuffing/etc on my plate. Just the chicken and veg. And she was fine with it. After our lunch I suggested that we take the little 'un to the park (which is a good 25 mins walk away) and on the way back we got some strawberries for dessert.
So Sundays don't have to be too difficult anymore. YAY! I'm so proud of myself for actually putting me first instead of worrying about other peoples feelings.

My boyfriend looked at my plate when I sat down with not so much on it, but he didn't say anything. I think he secretly does want me to lose weight, its just his insecurities talking. So I have spent all day holding his hand and playing with his hair. Hopefully he'll see that the only person I want to be with is him.

Thats definitely the first hurdle of my diet truely got over (so thanks for your help guys). Now I can just look forward to the slimmer me that I'm going to become

[Heather]

Wow, you found some great solutions!!!!!

[MusicalJess]

Yeah thanks. I'm not letting anyone make me give up this time. Its time to do something for me

[fancypants]

Originally Posted by MusicalJess

Yeah thanks. I'm not letting anyone make me give up this time. Its time to do something for me

Woohoo!! You go girl, that's the spirit!!

[MusicalJess]

Heehee thanks

[stasiagurl91]

My great aunt had a husband who wanted her to stay big (over 500lbs) so other men won't find her attractive. Insecurity alll the way! Insecurity can break up relationships. I hope you do what's best for you and not worry about him so much. You are really in a tough position because your love one whould be supporting you and obviously he is not. I get very defiant when it comes to me. My new boyfriend keeps telling me how lose weight, which pisses me off because I feel it's like telling me how to brush my teeth. Unwanted advice. So I said, "I've been getting along fine before me and you ever had a first conversation." It sounds like you and your boyfriend have been together for a while though. I hate to say it,but if I were you and it's about my health, I would go against what my boyfriend wants.

[MusicalJess]

Thanks. He has been married before we got together, I think within a month of their wedding his day his ex-wife cheated on him. I'm sure that's what is making him so insecure. I tell him everyday that he's the one I love and that I'm not going to leave him. But I bet she told him the same, and she cheated, so its probably very difficult for him to see. I know that with time he'll see that I'm losing weight to be more confident, sexier and fitter for him.

Thats awful about your great aunt stasiagurl! That weight would be so bad for her health.

[JustSharing83]

Sounds like things may be getting better and I hope that continues!

Since I have a very supportive husband, I know just how important that can be for some of us. If things get worse again, I would focus on communication. Explain that you are going to this this, with or without his help, so things will just be easier for everyone if he doesn't get in your way.

I think we dealt with the "but if you lose weight you will find someone else" thoughts at one short point, and I just reassured my husband the best I could... I told him that it was him I was in love with and him that I wanted to be with forever. He loved me at my highest weight without a second thought, even though I didn't feel worthy of love, and that's something I will never forget. We're unconditional and it goes both ways. That talk put the issue behind us and it was never brought up again and I haven't sensed him feeling that way since.

If you feel the same way about your boyfriend, and it comes up, those type of responses may help him get over it as well. If he truly won't find you sexy if you lose the weight, then I believe that may be a bigger problem, but you have to put yourself first.

Good luck!!!

[MusicalJess]

Thanks JustSharing.

I do feel that way about him. Seems soppy to say to anyone but him, but I lovehim with all my heart. I want to marry him, have a family and grow old together.

But like I told him yesterday I want to look at our wedding pictures and think "what a fantastic day" not "my arms look so fat" or "that dress makes me look horrible"....
I want to not struggle to conceive when we start trying for a baby.
I want to feel sexy for him.

I'm sure he'll be attracted to me when I've lost the weight. I think its his insecurities talking.