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Old 02-18-2011, 08:29 PM   #1
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Thumbs down Feeling Guilty?

I feel somewhat conflicted over my desicion to lose weight. I've always been outspoken about being against dieting (unless necessary for your health) and loving your body just as it is. However, I feel like I've just been hiding my true feelings about my own body issues. Now that I'm losing weight I feel like a traitor, because I do believe beauty comes in different shapes and sizes, but when you're the only one defending your body and every woman you know thinks they could lose a few pounds (and they're half your size!!!), you really begin to lose self-esteem.
Dieting has also become a topic that's even garnered me friendships because it's something most women are doing or *****ing about. So even though I feel this unbearable guilt of realising I want to lose weight, I still can't help but embrace it.

I don't really know where I'm going with this post. I guess I want to know why you guys are losing weight. Is it societal preassures, health issues, or just simply superficiality? Do you feel any guilt towards trying to fit a certain beauty mold/standard?
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Old 02-18-2011, 08:34 PM   #2
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this will make me sound probably like the shallowist person ever but......I want cute clothes!!!! I want to put something on my body that looks nice and I don't have bulges and rolls hanging every where...
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Old 02-18-2011, 08:55 PM   #3
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i always felt that way until the harsh reality of the world hit me. don't feel guilty about losing weight you will get much farther in life if you're thinner. i fought that truth with all my heart for years but it's true. getting a date is easier, getting a job is easier, moving around is easier, finding clothes is easier, everything is easier. part of me still hates that fact but it's true. that's what pushed me into trying to lose weight in the first place. this is my first attempt to lose weight and i think i've been pretty successful at it so far. i have definitely noticed a major difference.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:05 PM   #4
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I got tired of feeling jealous of thin people. I don't feel guilty at all for doing it strictly for aesthetic reasons. No reason is more "valid" than another, though it's obviously more urgent for someone who weighs 400 pounds than someone who is technically within a healthy weight range.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:07 PM   #5
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You shouldn't feel guilty. I wanted to lose weight to be prettyer and have prettyer looking cloths. It is about how you feel if you thank your pretty other people will to. With you really wasn't to big to start with.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:21 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krampus View Post
I got tired of feeling jealous of thin people.
Did it work?
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:25 PM   #7
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What if you knew someone addicted to crack? Would you say the same? It's ok, you're addicted to crack. Just embrace it and keep doing what you're doing. Both crack and obesity are killers.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:26 PM   #8
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I went through a stage that I said I was very against dieting. It was really just a cover up b/c I couldn't find the will power to stick to anything.

When I started I thought I needed to lose weight to fit into the community I live in. Now that I feel better about myself I am totally over being friends with the women who wouldn't look at me 72 pounds ago.

It has been a lot of different reasons... but right at this moment I just love how losing a pound feels and I love going to the gym and knowing I worked really hard. It is all for me and the cute clothes I want to wear.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:29 PM   #9
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I want my hubbie to look at me with that glow like he used to. I am also feeling trapped with the extra weight. I am still trying to figure it all out.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:33 PM   #10
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First and foremost I lost weight for my health. By the time I started losing, I was 13 years old and it had been 3 years since I had seen a doctor- when I was 10, I was already obese and my doctor said I had borderline blood pressure. Diabetes and heart problems run in my mother's side of the family, and she and literally each of her siblings, her two sisters and her brother, are all obese and have diabetes. My grandfather on that side of the family was overweight and died of a heart attack before I was even born and my grandmother, who was also obese during most of her adult life, died in result of her diabetes a year after I had began losing weight. My largest motivator was to put an end to that family tradition.

Beyond that reason, I absolutely did it for aesthetic reasons as well. I wanted to wear clothes I actually liked, to have a shapely figure(it's absolutely true that many larger women have lovely figures, but when I was 13 years old I just looked like a blob) and to feel good about the way I looked. The only beauty standard I hold myself up to is my own- I've never cared about what's "in" or what everyone else considers beautiful, just what pleases me personally, and so that's all I've ever aspired to.

I personally have never once felt guilty about losing the weight for the reasons I did- it's improved my quality of life to an extent that I can't even begin to put in words and I feel that I was worth doing such a good thing for myself, regardless of what's going on with the rest of society on that subject.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:41 PM   #11
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A few reasons for me

High blood pressure and heart issues in my family. A good diet and less padding just makes sense healthwise.

I don't like how I look. I think my thighs look sloppy and I have to see them everytime I look down... that's if I get past my belly.

I don't like how hard it is to keep up with my sporty friends. I turn red and sweat like crazy, I know that a good part of this is genetics, but I know that being in shape will lessen it.

So a little sensible and a lot vanity
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:53 PM   #12
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A lot of reasons for me, but the most being superficial. I was beginning to look JUST like my mom and well, my mom did not look healthy at all! She began dieting with me. I gained back about 10 lbs or so that I am working on now, and she gained back 20, but overall I feel much better for making the changes.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:53 PM   #13
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I spent too much of my younger life wishing I were thinner when I was already a pretty good size and shape. Then I gained--a lot--and found myself way bigger than I thought I would ever be (so funny to look back and think that 200 was the absolute limit that I would never exceed, like it was the speed of light or something). That's made me struggle to find acceptance of myself even though I once picked myself apart at a considerably lower weight.

I feel as though body-hate is something I've really got to shake. So is guilt. So is worry over whether wanting to look what you feel is your best is superficial.

You aren't a traitor for wanting to lose weight. Would you feel like a traitor if you dyed your hair a different color? Would you feel superficial if you wore makeup when you usually don't (or didn't wear it if you usually do)? Those aren't marks of vanity, so why should changing your weight be considered such? People sometimes use the term "vanity pounds" for small amounts of weight that don't adversely affect your health (unlike my extra weight, which does), but maybe it helps to think of them as "comfort pounds" instead.

Do you think you'll be more comfortable at 117 than you were at 139? Then go for it. As long as it's still in the healthy range and not an unrealistic goal (and at your height, it isn't), there's no vanity whatsoever in changing your size. It's your body; you should be able to do what you like with it, and that shouldn't imply a judgement on other body shapes and sizes.

I admire long skirts and wide hats on tall women, but they're not for a shortie like me. By the same token, there's nothing wrong with admiring a voluptuous body even while acknowledging that it's not a shape you want for yourself. It doesn't make you traitorous to your ideals.

I want to lose weight because I used to have a va-va-voom shape and now I feel as though I could measure an entire afternoon with the amount of "sand" in my hourglass figure. Sure, part of it's for my health, but most of it is because I like the way I look with less weight on me. Plain and simple.
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Old 02-18-2011, 10:04 PM   #14
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I'll be honest, while yes I lost weight to be healthy and have a baby, I really lost it because I wanted to be thin again. I wanted to fit in, I wanted to be comfortable in my own skin, I wanted to shop where ever I wanted, I wanted to stop feeling like people were staring at me because I was fat, I wanted to be the hot mom, the trophy wife, I wanted people to be jealous of me for a change. Yes I did it for many superficial reasons and I'm not ashamed. We live in the world we live in and for many of us, or at least for me, that world is easier as a thin person.
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Old 02-18-2011, 10:04 PM   #15
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I used to say pretty much the same thing and even now, and to some extent I still believe it. I do not think people should be judged by their size and I do believe beauty comes in all sizes and shapes.

I joined 3FC because I really wanted to go to Hershey Park for my 50th birthday party and I was tired of being worried about not being able to fit on the rides I most wanted to go on. Beauty *may* come in all sizes but not all sizes can ride The Great Bear. I lost about 40 pounds and rode the rides without fear.

And, mission accomplished, I promptly regained all that weight.

Skip forward a year or so. I had just pulled off a weeklong project that required a huge amount of physical stamina and strength. I felt good about that, but it also was sort of dawning on me that I was not as strong as when I was younger. And that maybe I couldn't always expect my body to just get by like it always had. Plus my marginally healthier older brother was diagnosed as pre-diabetic. And my own blood work came back with less than stellar cholesterol numbers. Beauty may come in all sizes but some sizes are stronger and live longer. And I wasn't just fat, I was morbidly obese. I didn't feel morbid; I knew I was fat but I didn't feel all that fat. But reality was slowly sinking in through my many layers of insulation.

Nearly 100 pounds later I can do things I haven't in years. My blood work this year was great (and that was 20 pounds back so I'm hopeful it'll get even better). I don't regret that it took me till I was 50 to finally get serious about being healthy - I wasn't ready back then and I wouldn't have succeeded. Not long term, anyway. I'm just glad I finally did get serious.
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