The thing you need to realize is losing weight won't fix everything in your life. There is even a chance that if and when you get the weight off you will look in the mirror and still feel bad about yourself only worse because you put so much hope and effort into it and things just did not work out how you imagined. You need to come to terms with your low self esteem. You need to be doing things for the right reason and no matter why you started this journey you need to realize that weight doesn't keep you in the house or keep you from making friends. you do. i don't wanna sound harsh but this is something you MUST come to crips with otherwise things could get very out of control.
I guess my thing is.. i am desperate..I live in my house.. i dont leave my house. Ever since i gained all this weight, i dont leave my house..I dont like going out in public and i hate how i look.. I rather wear blankets over me and sleep in bed all day then go outside..Its my 25th birthday coming up and i am..doing what? Living in my house for another day..This is beyond depression..This weight problem has caused a lifetime of problems, i cant even sustain a job because im so self-conscious of how i look in public..I wear nothing less than baggy oversized pregnancy clothes so that no one can see me when i have to go to the grocery store..I am desperate..because i feel like i cant live this way anymore..but i dont want to go out..i dont want people to see me..Its beyond worry..it is desperation.. i hate myself..in how i look so much, that it affects my relationship with my fiancee.. I wont even commit to getting married to him until i can lose 90 pounds so i can fit into a dress. I dont want new clothes until i lose alot of weight...I dont even go to the stupid gym because i hate being in public..i have to take stupid anti-depressents because my doctor thinks im clinically depressed intstead of it just being a physical thing..I mean..has anyone felt this way? I keep on saying " I love who i am on the inside and so does everyone else..but i hate who i look like on the outside" My fat outside doesnt match my inside..all i feel right now is misery and sadness and depression and hopelessness.. i feel like im giving it my all..and maybe i am impatient..but im just so desperate to get out of this fat suit ive been stuck in for so many years..i want real friends..not friends that i get to know and then push away cause im afraid they cant stand how i look..im the furthest down i can go..i just want to get out quick..
I'm a SAHM too and have a young baby (8 months), so I do understand how you feel at times (I too still wear my maternity clothes on occasion) but as others have said, losing the weight will not solve your depression. Go to the maintainers forum - we will tell you that being Xlbs will not make you happy. Yes, it will make you healthy, and yes, it will set you on the path to happiness but it is not the end of the road.
The fact that you feel your weight keeps you from being happy, from having a solid relationship, from leaving your house - is not really a physical thing. There are many women here who are 300+lbs and still happily married, working, going out on weekends, etc. Yes, their weight upsets them but they are not their weight. You DO sound depressed in many ways (I have postnatal depression myself although it is remarkably better now)
i wasn't clinically depressed when i started, but i was definitely depressed. and desperate. i found self confidence in exercise. as i built up my records, endurance, fitness level on the wii running in place and other ways, i felt like i accomplished something. it helped me feel in control. it helped me destress too.
we have to focus on the positive. instead of thinking about all the deserts and carbs we can't have. we think about the delicious food we CAN have. make it ahead and portion into containers- throw it in the fridge or freezer. tons of tips on planning for the whole week. this can be done in an afternoon with just a few dishes made. make it so it's easy to stay on plan. make your plan a joy to look forward to.
what do you enjoy doing? even if that activity doesn't burn many calories, like painting or reading, it's very worth doing even if only once a week during your kid's nap.
i don't have friends in real life either, but on here it feels like i have a hundred friends. everyone is friends on here. we've got each other's backs. that's why we're here. we love to help others, and sometimes we need a hug too.
getting rid of the weight won't fix your self esteem, the urges to binge (if that's in an issue) or any of the problems in your life. but i hope you can do some mental hw to help feel better. you are in control. you are worth it.
No amount of self-loathing will ever make you lose a pound more quickly. The only thing that will take the weight off is finding a plan that works for you and sticking to it. If it starts not working for you, reassess it and do the same thing. Beating yourself up is not effective exercise, so why not do some of the many, many things that are effective?
You should probably speak to your doctor about adjusting your medications or about further counseling. A lot of us have probably felt our share of guilt and depression, but it's unusual that you feel so low so suddenly. Unless you gained the weight quite rapidly, it's been a factor in your life for some time; why is there a sudden desperation to lose it as quickly as possible? What do you expect out of life when you're thinner that you don't have now? (I've been thin, and let me assure you, it is NO guarantee of an easy swim through life.)
Sacha's post makes a lot of sense, too. There are hundreds of women on these forums who are in your same boat (or a neighboring one) who are going out and living life and having fun. Weight alone isn't the answer here, I think, and your doctor might be able to help you find the things that are. I hope so, because depression is very difficult to live with.
I have been on depression meds for post partum depression..and i have been..okay..not happy..but okay..i just feel like ever since getting pregnant and having my baby , ive been the highest weight ever and ive never felt like body has become my body again..its not me..nothing feels like me..and its true.. i dont know how people can be obese and happily living life..i feel shame and guilt and i feel like everyone is staring at me when i go out..
PHG -- It sounds like you are having a lot of body image issues on top of everything else. Like others are saying, losing weight doesn't necessarily make that better. I was a person who had a very full life at 300 pounds and didn't let my weight hinder me in a lot of realms. But for a time in my weight loss I hated my body more at 225 than I had at 295. And I did join a gym when I was in my 270s and had to learn to put aside any discomfort I felt that people were staring at me. Different perspectives make us see things in different ways.
I don't know if seeing a therapist would help or not, or if there's anyone nearby, but I would encourage it if you can. At the very least, I would encourage you to try to take little steps to get your freedom back. You said here that you don't leave the house, but complained in another thread that your fiance wouldn't take you out to dinner for your birthday.... is that perhaps because you don't want to? Just wondering...
See if you can leave the house, go a little further every day... It might also help you feel less desparate. I worry when I see that in someone here, because I think they are the most likely to quit when they don't see results as quickly as they would like...
I have been on depression meds for post partum depression..and i have been..okay..not happy..but okay..i just feel like ever since getting pregnant and having my baby , ive been the highest weight ever and ive never felt like body has become my body again..its not me..nothing feels like me..and its true.. i dont know how people can be obese and happily living life..i feel shame and guilt and i feel like everyone is staring at me when i go out..
I have to say, I've never had kids so I don't know what that's like firsthand, but I can imagine that it would be hard to regain a sense of your body as your own. Postpartum depression is no joke, though; even though I haven't endured it, I know that. And if you're still suffering its effects so strongly, you really should discuss it with your doctor.
Do you stare at people who look outside the norm in some way? Do you think they should hide out of sight so others don't have to look at them and their weird tall/short/wide/narrow/whatever bodies? I really really doubt you do that (at least I hope not). Why do you think others do that to you when judging by your profile information, you aren't very far outside the average given your height? Heck, for that matter, why would you assume that other people are so cruel even if you were way outside the average?
I am quite happy living life because most of the time I'm living it, I'm focused outward, not centering on myself. I went to the zoo the other day (and it was freakin' AMAZING to walk and walk and never get tired, but that's for another post) to see the animals, not to be seen by fellow zoo-goers.
The overwhelming majority of people on this earth are thinking about other stuff, not about "OhMyFairyGodmother, will you LOOK at that person over there?" In a way, it's reassuring to realize that we're just not important enough to the world at large that we are under constant scrutiny.
Turn your view outward instead of inward. Do some volunteer work if you can manage it or maybe take a class or two (some are free or cost very little). Go for a walk outside on pretty days because pretty days deserve to be admired and don't stay in because you're worrying about whether you deserve to be admired.
Last edited by Nola Celeste; 02-19-2011 at 12:59 AM.
I think you really need to get out of the house! I'm not one who does being homebound very well. I would love not to have to work, but I realize that being home day after day after day is not healthy for me. The other week my daughter had 2 snow days, then got sick and was home on the couch for 4 more days, and by the end of that 6 day stretch I was how I always get -- almost a little agorophobic about facing the world again.
I'm definitely not suggesting you need to go get a job, and I know this is harder with small children and winter, but if at all possible, I would get myself out of the house on a regular basis. Force yourself to just go push the cart around at Target for a little bit, or stroll the mall. Find a moms group in your area and make your fiancee babysit while you go scrapbooking for an evening. I would absolutely have to do those things for sanity's sake, never mind what weight I'm at. I'm sure some people do just fine staying home, but I know for me, even if I don't want to, getting out is vital to my mental health.
I also strongly agree with what katy trail said about how much confidence I have gotten from exercise and sticking to my plan. You don't have to get all the way to goal or even close to it before you start to feel a whole lot better about yourself and the situation. And you really don't need a treadmill to get started on that.
I lost 4 in my first 2 weeks... then i put them on but never mind... i am now losing at one pound a month but i am losing... why don't you just have some kind of gratitude... any kind... that you have a support group... a forum... an eating plan... a solution... berries ))
Girl you need to get OUT of the house. Do you have a stroller? Maybe you could get out with your baby everyday. Bundle the little one up and head out. Your depression is not going to just disappear...just like losing weight isn't going to solve all your problems. Anyway you can get a sitter? You should have date nights with your husband and have grownup time. With grownup conversations. You'll go NUTS if you just stay in the house driving yourself crazy by numbers on the scale.
remember its one pound at a time and as long as its a gradual shift DOWNWARDS that is what matters! Also it wasnt over night or a month or even a few months that the weight was put on.
IT WILL take a while to get rid of but at least you are going in the RIGHT direction.
You sound quite depressed and like you have rock-bottom self-esteem. I know it must be very hard to feel like everyone is judging you the second you walk out of the door. I want you to know that even if you get a glance in your direction, no one is judging you the way you are judging yourself (and most people don't even think anything at all when they see someone passing by).
I am not sure if it is possible for you, but I think you absolutely need some sort of counselor or therapist to talk to. Self-hatred has done nothing but to ruin my own life, including gaining back all the weight loss I had done years ago. I really want you to try and find a way to work on your self image and your self-esteem. If you really don't want to see a therapist, order some books about improving self-esteem online and have those delivered to your house. I assure you that if you feel better about yourself, that doesn't mean you'll be content at your current weight, it just means you'll love yourself more and will want to take care of yourself better. It can only help you.
I would also suggest to just challenge yourself a couple times a week -- challenge yourself to walk around your neighborhood (even for just 10 minutes) so you can show yourself that you can leave the house without being mocked by anyone. Then, work your way up from there, such as going to the grocery store for half an hour. You need to get outside at least for 10 - 15 minutes a day. Consider that on top of your depression that's being treated, you may also have a Vitamin D deficiency (which your body makes when you go outside). I would also suggest to talk to your doctor -- maybe your antidepressants need to be tweaked to better address of your depression?
The biggest thing I can think of that will really help you is therapy because your low self-esteem seems quite severe. I am worried about you. I really think your weight loss progress so far is very good, so please don't get down on yourself for that.
Anyway, I hope that you feel better soon! You are worth the extra effort of feeling mentally and emotionally better about yourself.
))
