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i messed up...i thought i was past emotional eating.

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Old 02-17-2011, 02:34 AM   #1
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Default i messed up...i thought i was past emotional eating.

hey everyone.

need to vent.

been doing pretty well on plan. i have a history of binge eating, which i haven't engaged in in almost 4 months. i allow myself a splurge/indulgence/cheat meal about once a week or once every two weeks. i don't feel guilty about it, and i'm able to get on the wagon after that meal. no problem.

but life is starting to get to me. i lost my job recently and am having relationship issues. but this happened a couple of months ago, and i was still able to stay on track. tonight, after a not so pleasant conversation with my boyfriend, i went and got the worlds biggest burrito. this was after i ate a dinner consisting of two slices of medium pizza with a friend (planned for). i didn't need the burrito. i left my apt at 10pm and got more food. i wasn't even hungry. and after eating something not so great for dinner. i'm afraid that i'm slipping into old habits of emotional eating, and i'm scared that i'll binge tomorrow. i feel horribly guilty, stressed, and gross.
i guess eating the pizza for dinner and then the burrito and still feeling "hungry" and like i want to eat now is scaring me a little.
i've been doing so well so far, and i don't want to mess this up. i don't want to fall back into old ways.

thanks for listening.
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Last edited by fillupthesky : 02-17-2011 at 02:38 AM.
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Old 02-17-2011, 06:15 AM   #2
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Well, if it helps at all, I know EXACTLY how you feel, I mean exactly! I had a day like that a couple weeks ago, and it really wasn't what I ate that had me in a panic, easy enough to undo one bad choice. It was that almost-panic feeling of "Holy crap, I'm right back where I started if THIS is what I'm gonna start doing! What if I can't talk myself right back on plan tomorrow? I really thought going along on my plan all these months and being satisfied that I was PAST this kind of nonsense! Oh no, I guess it's time for that huge backslide that leaves me fatter than I even was to start! OHHHHH NOOOOO!" Is that how you feel?

Also if it helps at all, I woke up the next day, hadn't gained back all the weight I lost, had my "new normal" mindset back, and went on to have a 5 lb weight loss whoosh after being stuck for a couple weeks. Wake up this morning and get back to business, and above all, learn from this. Chicks like us, I'm afraid, are not out of the woods yet. We have to stay vigilant against that overeating/emotional eating monster, even when some days it seems we must have beat it!

You'll be fine, but here's a
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Old 02-17-2011, 07:13 AM   #3
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Could PMS be near? I stomach gets like a "bottomless pit" around that time...

Quote:
i'm scared that i'll binge tomorrow.
Quote:
i don't want to fall back into old ways.
My advice is to get back into the "driver's seat"! You are NOT a "passenger" in life. You have ALL the control over what you eat or don't eat. Saying things like what I quoted above, is almost a "set up" for failure. You're already giving yourself an out. PLAN...make preparations for SUCCESS. Get used to making statements such as "I WILL..." or "I WILL NOT..."

Quote:
i have a history of binge eating, which i haven't engaged in in almost 4 months. i allow myself a splurge/indulgence/cheat meal about once a week or once every two weeks. i don't feel guilty about it, and i'm able to get on the wagon after that meal.
These STRONG positive statements show that you have what it takes to see this journey through. You've ALLOWED yourself things without guilt (driver seat attitude), and KNOW how to get back on the wagon after enjoying some "off-plan" culinary delights. You've also lost 30 lbs...YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
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Old 02-17-2011, 08:38 AM   #4
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I have a problem with eating for no reason. I especially eat emotionally, and it seems to never stop. The best advice I have is that exercise is a great way to blow off stress. Instead of eating something try working out, I personally do my abs. I'll do hundreds of situps sometimes just because. I don't always feel like doing them but I still do them because I know I'll feel better. I also drink a lot of water; at least a full glass after workouts. It really helps to snap you out of your current mind state.

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Old 02-17-2011, 09:59 AM   #5
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All I can say, and I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but losing weight didn't solve my emotional or binge eating issues. It is something that I am constantly battling and having to deal with. It's also something that I'm coming to realize is an incurable issue for me that I need to learn to accept and forgive myself when it happens. All I can do is get on track as soon as possible afterwards, not only is everyday a new day, but every meal is a new opportunity to get back on track.

Hugs and good luck.
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Old 02-17-2011, 10:33 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ncuneo View Post
All I can say, and I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but losing weight didn't solve my emotional or binge eating issues. It is something that I am constantly battling and having to deal with. It's also something that I'm coming to realize is an incurable issue for me that I need to learn to accept and forgive myself when it happens. All I can do is get on track as soon as possible afterwards, not only is everyday a new day, but every meal is a new opportunity to get back on track.

Hugs and good luck.
Thanks for sharing this with us. I'm having quite the inner battle myself right now, and it helps to know that others are with you.
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Old 02-17-2011, 12:01 PM   #7
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I agree with ncuneo. Losing weight has not completely stopped the urges that still come about emotional eating or binges. Being thin in the past did not cure me of obesity. I have gone up and down the scale most of my adult life. The worst belief I had in those days was that by virtue of getting to goal, NOTHING would make me gain the weight back. Funny when I look back on that thought. What made me think it was just a matter of saying it that made it so? It takes work, practice and daily discipline to lose weight and maintain the lose. Fact of life.

While that may sound like a hopeless and depressing reality, what it really is, is a positive life force. I "get it" now. How I "think" about food, eating and my body are all connected. It's not jsut a diet, not just exercising, not just emotional urges to eat, it's a whole series of patterns and habits I have developed that I either stay stuck in or learn to change.

I have been dieting and losing weight for 17 months now, and still, as dedicated as I am to my diet, as faithful as I am to logging every calorie, I still struggle now and then with all the old demons about eating.

All of it is a mindset. We either fight it, or we find a peace with it. I am working on finding peace with it. I listen to the voice that wants to indulge and I counter it with logical thoughts. I explore what made that voice start up. I think through the process of a past binge, of how it made me think, what was the turning point of being on a healthy eating plan and then bingeing. I think of how the first bite tasted, how the last bite tasted. I think of the pain of feeling full, the guilt and shame feelings, the horrible mental fog and body pains that come from a food hangover.

I latch onto the good feelings I have now. How being thinner helps me move and breath better. I love the increase energy. I really get myself to "feel" it and crave more. When the urge comes, I remind myself of how I feel right now, in the moment, and force myself to remember how I cried when I felt so sick and tired of being over 300 pounds. How it limited my life. Connecting the dots has made me realize how precious a normal weight really is.

In the past, I would diet just to get the weight off and did not deal with the changes as I went, did not analyze the process, did not have a plan in place for learning better coping skills with life's curve balls. No wonder I would get fat again.

This time, I am taking the time to work through the difficult parts, learning to cope without eating, learning to not be afraid of sitting with feelings. I am also learning to accept that I can never go back to thinking I have it all licked that I am free of the eating issues I once had. The thing is, I have accepted that I do indeed have control over what I really want, no matter what the "voice" comes up with. I want to feel good and that just doesn't have any room for eating more than I absolutely need.
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Old 02-17-2011, 04:43 PM   #8
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thank you everyone for responding, and sharing your thoughts and experiences.

shannon- i didn't exactly go into a panic, more into a depression. i felt so bad. and i had that "mindset" when i go into a binge. mindless, shove it into my mouth, i know what i'm doing is awful, but i'm not going to pay attention to that...
i didn't weigh myself this morning, because i felt so 'heavy' you know? i'm rational enough to know that one bad night isn't enough to undo my physical progress; i guess i was just so surprised that it took a small argument to throw me off. thank you for the words of encouragement- and for the hug

joyfullloser- thank you for bringing the positive side to this. i think that's what bugged me the most. that despite the things i can't control (the relationship, the unemployments, being laid off) i was able to harness control over my weight loss. i don't want to lose control over this i just got over TOM last week, so it's definitely in response to my stupid boyfriend and the bad conversation we had (which honestly, we've had worse and i haven't turned to food). i'm not going to give myself the out! i woke up this morning tell myself that last night sucked big time, but it was last night. take it as an unplanned cheat. thanks again for the positive boost!

initiative- good advice on the exercise. i like yoga- it eases my mind. i'll pop in my fave video today

ncuneo- i definitely hear you. i know that me losing weight won't be the cure-all to my food issues. i guess i was just so surprised that a small argument lead me to it. i've been through so much these past few months, and have been so strong, a little argument threw me off kilter? i was like huh? even the day i got laid off was an on plan day...that's why i was so confused. i still battle with my urges to binge, for sure, but manage to talk myself out of it. i am taking today as a new day, and just trying to understand what about last night was so annoying that it made me leave my apt so late...i'm not going to beat myself up over it anymore. it happened. that's it. thank you

martinimouse- your post was great and really resonated with me. i guess my fear last night was that i would let my bad feelings and guilt dictate today-and as joyfulloser said, almost give myself an out. but i want to "latch" on to the good feelings i have, like you do. i feel better, i'm starting to look better, but more so, i'm proud that i've been consistent this time around. i usually don't stick to something for longer than 3 weeks. so that's my good feeling to latch on to.
also, like you mentioned, i feel as this time is different for me too. i think i'm taking the time more to really change my relationship with food, and my relationship with myself. i don't want to feel bad/guilty anymore. i don't want to just look good... if binges/emotional eating happens, i don't want to beat myself up anymore. i just want to get through it, learn from it, and grow. i truly want this to be a journey of the mind, body, and soul.

i couldn't sleep last night at all and woke up super late. (boo). but, after washing up, i read all your posts, fixed up an omelet with spinach and a glass of 1% milk, and it's really a new day. i feel crappy about waking up late, but it is what it is. i'll make sure to get out of the apartment today, do my yoga, and log this in my journal.
again, i can't thank you all enough for your posts- you've helped me pull through with your kind words and honesty. and we all get through, one day at a time. much love
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*be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle*

restart! 10/1/13
mini goals
268 (10%)
189 (100lbs lost)
179 (previous lowest weight)
135-140 (GOAL!)
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