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I'm mad at myself...can I really not handle social situations?!

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Old 02-13-2011, 04:01 AM   #1
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Unhappy I'm mad at myself...can I really not handle social situations?!

I went to a party my best friend hosted tonight. Since starting Medifast, I've been going out as little as possible to avoid drinking because it's really, really hard for me as a college student to hang out in groups and not drink. But tonight I really needed to see all my friends at the same time, and I had a great time. I didn't drink much — 3 oz. of vodka (yes, I actually measured ) — but then I got drunk munchies and we ended up going to Taco Bell on the way home.

This makes me wonder...am I trying to sabotage myself, or am I just such a pathetic person that I can't stay on plan?

I don't get it. I started today thinking, "I won't drink." Then it turned into "I'll skip my last two Medifast meals to make room for 3 oz. of vodka." And then at the party, I was doing relatively well — I had chosen to go off plan food-wise, but I was staying within my "nutritional" value (yea, I know, it wasn't a good choice, but it was still a choice that wouldn't throw me out of whack completely).

Then the Taco Bell. What the heck is wrong with me? The second they mentioned how much they wanted it, I knew I couldn't get anything. I kept telling myself I wasn't going to. On the way there, I was completely sober, and I was telling myself I wouldn't get anything. Even in the line at the drive-through, I was telling myself I shouldn't do it. I even said in my head, "If you don't get this food, it means you can do this."

And I did anyway.

I got two bean burritos. 740 calories and 112 carbs — more than I'm allowed to eat in an entire day in carbs, and 60 less than my daily limit for calories. This will definitely throw me out of ketosis and cost me at least three days before I get back into it.

I'm so frustrated, and I can't stop thinking: If just seconds before making a bad decision I can tell myself, "Don't do this. If you do, you're failing," and still do it, what does that say about me?

I'm so disgusted with myself, I'm embarrassed to even post this. That's why I'm doing it tonight instead of the morning.
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Last edited by ParadiseFalls : 02-13-2011 at 04:03 AM.
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Old 02-13-2011, 05:41 AM   #2
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You're Human! I made the mistake in the past that I would "white knuckle" my way through weight loss and it didn't work. I lost close to 150 lbs about 15 years but I gained it back. This time I realize that I have to do it for me and the main answer for me is attitude. I haven't started losing weight if anything since I realized some of this information I probably have gained some weight but most important I have gained insight on how to eventually lose and keep it off. I lost the weight for some wrong reasons before. I felt that when I got to my goal weight that everything would fall into place. I would not have to worry about money, I would be happy all the time etc. It was great the biggest benefit was my improved health and feeling more energetic and athletic. There are many others but if have to be KIND to yourself. Don't berate yourself. You're human and that is just fine.

You can do it. Practice the Golden Rule on yourself!

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Old 02-13-2011, 05:57 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ParadiseFalls View Post
I'm so frustrated, and I can't stop thinking: If just seconds before making a bad decision I can tell myself, "Don't do this. If you do, you're failing," and still do it, what does that say about me?
What it says to me is that the "If you do X, then you're failing" ultimatum isn't one that does you much good. It doesn't stop you from doing X and it leaves you feeling miserable. What are some ways that you can banish that kind of statement from your internal vocabulary?

One of my favorite authors wrote a great passage about a boy sitting on a dock and dangling his bare feet over the water. At high tide, the boy would try to bring the soles of his feet lower and lower, playing a game to see how close he could get to the water without touching it. It occurred to him one day that the game itself was flawed because he could never "win" at it; the moment of "as close as possible" was only visible in retrospect once his feet were already wet.

You're looking back and seeing everything that happened and regretting your wet feet. The only way to win at that is not to play the "if I do X, I fail" game.

Are there steps along the way that you could've taken to get away un-burritoed? Learn from it; figure out how you're going to handle the next time you're in a similar situation (and there will be a next time because going to a friend's party is fun and we can't cloister ourselves away). Will you skip the vodka? Have the vodka and skip the Taco Bell? Have the Taco Bell, but eat one burrito or order off the "fresca" menu? Order what you want, but give half away? Eat it all, but get right back to climbing that mountain tomorrow instead of throwing yourself all the way down the cliff face tonight?

Please don't let your great time be overshadowed by this. You sound as if you had a lot of fun, so forgive yourself and keep your feet dry the next day.
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Old 02-13-2011, 06:49 AM   #4
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awww honey I know the feeling well sweetie I work in london and the social life is wild I try to avoid going out for drinks as much as I can but there are some things I really cant miss like client drink or retirement parties. I just cant leave it at one glass of wine, I have one get the taste for it and normally finish of the bottle (sometimes even 2 bottles) then the eating starts sometimes is Indian food with the guys or pizza or anything I can get my hands on at 1am then I get home and raid the kitchen as i convince myself that if I eat I wont have a hang over.

Dont beat yourself up over it, it was one little blip when otherwise you have been doing well. Just get back on track today and dont weigh yourself for a while give you body time to recover. drink lots of water to flush out the toxins from the booze and food.

Remember you still have to have a life. what I do is limit it to once a month

Good luck honey and try not to feel bad
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Old 02-13-2011, 07:00 AM   #5
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Gosh, maybe there is a middle ground between "nothing" and "two bean burritos."

I went to Taco Bell with friends now and then while losing, and my lunch consisted of two taco supremes. 400 calories.

Of course, if you're on a set program like Medifast, you might need to adjust to fit--but the point is, there are always better choices you can make. You're learning to make them, so that's the good news!

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Old 02-13-2011, 08:52 AM   #6
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I agree, you had a blip and get back on the wagon, and learn from this. Learning to deal with social situations is part of your weight loss, so don't cut yourself off either, though reducing the temptations may be helpful.
Other posters have had very good ideas.
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Old 02-13-2011, 08:59 AM   #7
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Very good advice here. We can't live in a vacuum just because we are dieting because normal life means having to face this situation all the time. When you reach maintenance, you'll still have to make good choices and there will be slip ups and it's important to go back to what works and not beat yourself up about it. One off-plan day will not destroy the other 364 days you've worked on plan.
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Old 02-13-2011, 10:05 AM   #8
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It's okay!!! It really is. You are not a failure, we all do this, we all have moments when we eat something, then really regret it later. I have been living healthy for 2 years now and I still do this! I just tell myself, okay that is over with, tomorrow is a new day and I will be back on track. Once you eat it, you can't take it back so you just have to use that guilt feeling to motivate you to not do it again. Hang in there!
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Old 02-13-2011, 10:08 AM   #9
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Think about how you feel right now... and remember the feeling...so you won't do it again.

We all slip up... the important thing is to get right back to work and onto our programs.

You CAN do it!
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Old 02-13-2011, 08:59 PM   #10
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Of course you know that if you jump right back on plan and stick with it, those 2 bean burritos are not even going to be a small blip on the radar a year from now. You'll have to work a few days to get back to your ketosis (which I don't know much about), but you will do it.

If I'm reading right, the lack of CONTROL is what is weirding you out the most about this slip-up. Boy do I understand this! I've been going along happily on plan for MONTHS, and the other day I completely lost my sense of what I was doing. As I reached for ANOTHER serving of almonds, a cold piece of chicken, a big spoonful of peanut butter, I kept telling myself -- nothing good is going to come of this. What the heck is going on, why am I doing this? Stop it RIGHT now! Didn't really matter what I told myself, in my thread I said I was feeling possessed! I did reign it in before I did much damage, and the next day I was right back to my "new normal". Eliana gave some good comments, it's like you feel as though everything you have worked for is for NOTHING if THIS is still what you are going to do! All the old habits are going to come spiraling back and you were fooling yourself to think that you could do this. That was about a week ago for me, and again, I'm just right back to where I want to be, the very next day.

Every now and then the old demons are bound to show themselves, but as most of us have figured out, it's about getting RIGHT BACK TO IT! I hope you had a great, on plan day today. It'll be okay, really!!
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Old 02-14-2011, 01:23 PM   #11
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Paradise - It happens to the best of us. We just have to find the stradegy that will work for us to deal with the various situations. Even then it can still happen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nola Celeste View Post
What it says to me is that the "If you do X, then you're failing" ultimatum isn't one that does you much good. It doesn't stop you from doing X and it leaves you feeling miserable. What are some ways that you can banish that kind of statement from your internal vocabulary?

One of my favorite authors wrote a great passage about a boy sitting on a dock and dangling his bare feet over the water. At high tide, the boy would try to bring the soles of his feet lower and lower, playing a game to see how close he could get to the water without touching it. It occurred to him one day that the game itself was flawed because he could never "win" at it; the moment of "as close as possible" was only visible in retrospect once his feet were already wet.

You're looking back and seeing everything that happened and regretting your wet feet. The only way to win at that is not to play the "if I do X, I fail" game.

Are there steps along the way that you could've taken to get away un-burritoed? Learn from it; figure out how you're going to handle the next time you're in a similar situation (and there will be a next time because going to a friend's party is fun and we can't cloister ourselves away). Will you skip the vodka? Have the vodka and skip the Taco Bell? Have the Taco Bell, but eat one burrito or order off the "fresca" menu? Order what you want, but give half away? Eat it all, but get right back to climbing that mountain tomorrow instead of throwing yourself all the way down the cliff face tonight?

Please don't let your great time be overshadowed by this. You sound as if you had a lot of fun, so forgive yourself and keep your feet dry the next day.
This is a most excellent analogy.
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Old 02-14-2011, 01:39 PM   #12
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Thanks, ladies. I love this forum. Everyone is so supportive. I use the Medifast forum to look up recipes and ask Medifast-related questions, but the whole atmosphere over there is so different. I love 3FC!

Nola, thanks for that perspective. I know it's not good to give myself ultimatums or threats, I just don't know how else to control myself. And I apparently can't make that work, either, so I just feel a little hopeless at the moment.

shannonmb, you're exactly right. I'm totally weirded out by the lack of control. I always feel like it should be so easy just to tell myself no and have it not be a big deal, but when I have to put it into practice, it freaks me out when it's not so easy. *sigh*
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Old 02-14-2011, 01:44 PM   #13
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If I were in the same situation, where I would have started failing is by thinking/worrying about it so far in advance.

I would have been building myself up for failure to say "Okay, no alcohol", "Okay, 3 oz of vodka, but only if I give this up", "No food other that well", "Well, I guess I'll get a burrito" . . . All that thinking would just be a downward spiral to me.

If I'm going to be a situation like that I almost always drink a protein shake, or eat a protein bar on the way. I never arrive hungry.

Also, if drinking 3 oz of vodka was that important, then do it. According to calorieking, that's about 220 calories. Why freak out all day about whether or not to drink 220 calories?? Just do it and don't sit there and play these mind games.

Instead of punishing yourself, give yourself limits, be proud when you accomplish it, and go on with life.

I think with worrying so much about it, you set yourself up for the Taco Bell thing. But it's over now, you learned from it, and if you ask me, it was a pretty cheap lesson as far as these things go.

Two burritos do not a binge make.
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Old 02-14-2011, 02:03 PM   #14
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I'm on Medifast also and honestly I think skipping those last two meals was what made you go off track. You missed out on over 20 grams of protein and 8 grams of fiber. That's what caused to you "mess up." Not saying you have to be perfect but if anything learn from all of this that skipping meals always leads to disaster!

You could have still had your two meals and that small drink and been okay- and honestly you might have also eaten less at Taco Bell because of the two meals you ate previously.

Not trying to chastize you at all because I know just how strict Medifast is as well! And when I've messed up it's always been cuz I skipped a meal!

Time to get back on plan- and maybe next time just get 2 fresco hard tacos and that's 300 calories So if you had your Vodka drink and 2 fresco tacos you probably wouldn't have gone over 500 more calories and that would have just been a blip for MF.

Last weekend I went out for lunch with hubby for our Valentines day. I had 2 grilled fish tacos and rice and beans- BUT I still ate 3 meals before it and then when I got home I still ate 2 more meals because I know even though I got more calories/carbs for the day if I stopped eating after lunch I'd just binge- and the scale barely moved up the next day and I was pretty much fine the day after.

Remember Medifast is forgiving- they understand you aren't perfect (I know I'm not) but definitely if anything if you learn from this I think next time you'll be better prepared!
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Old 02-14-2011, 02:43 PM   #15
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Beerab and Katy, I think you're right about eating before. I'm starting to learn that if I try to skip meals and substitute in cheat foods, I end up going overboard. Maybe if I ate normally and just added in the few hundred extra calories for whatever I was planning once in a while, it wouldn't feel like such a big deal and cause me go to all out of whack.
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