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Old 02-11-2011, 12:05 PM   #1
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Angry Wish I had more support

I am starting to get REALLY annoyed! In general i feel really good about myself....except for the weight. So, unlike before, ive decided to do something about it. However, it is so hard to get support because everyone around me keeps telling me that im beautiful and dont need to lose the weight. To me thats BS! Why does it seem like everyone else is more afraid of change than me? If you know that my weight is the only thing thats holding me back, then why not support me? Whenever I tell people that I want to lose 100 pounds they look at me like im crazy. Im tired of hearing "oh, you dont need to lose THAT much...that's crazy" or "Well after you lose that weight then you will find something else about you that you hate." I am SOOOOOO over it! What's the problem?!?!? Just thought people would be happier to know that I'm tryin to get healthier. Geez, after losing 100 pounds i will still be 193! Ugh!!!!
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Old 02-11-2011, 12:14 PM   #2
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It's probably there way of saying "losing it or not, we find you beautiful in and out". I guess they're trying to support you with bolstering your current confidence, but that's not what you need. Of course, you wouldn't want to hear, "Girl, only 100 pounds? You need to lose at least 150!" right?

Just try to take it as a compliment. They'll hopefully come on board and realize that you are being successful and mean it!
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Old 02-11-2011, 12:17 PM   #3
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This is why I never talked about losing weight at the beginning - well meaning people who say annoying things. Now that my weight loss is evident, I can't hide it so now I'm getting all kinds of annoying comments about how I don't need to lose anymore weight, and how I eat nothing and blah blah blah. Anyways I've found my support comes from myself, my DH, and here - and everyone else can just talk to me about other things, thank you very much! haha
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Old 02-11-2011, 12:32 PM   #4
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I agree with Liz, I find it is better to not tell people that I am dieting. Once you do , the diet police will show up and monitor every bite you take and make unwanted comments. If they ask why I am only having a salad for lunch, I just say , that's all I am hungry for today. If I refuse the pizza , I just say , it looks good but I am just not hungry. The same people will eventually see you have kost weight and be the first to congratulate you. Try to ignore the comments, they actually think they are being helpful and of course the opposite is true. Good luck !
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Old 02-11-2011, 12:37 PM   #5
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Thanks guys! I was just telling a friend about what im trying to do and he just didnt offer as much support as i was looking for. Yes losing the weight will make me feel better about myself, but thats not the entire reason. The last couple times I had my blood pressure checked (before my weight loss journey) my pressure was high or borderline. I had NEVER had blood pressure issues. Also, diabetes runs in my family badly. A cousin of mine (who is slightly smaller) was just diagnosed. I dont like the idea of giving myself shots everyday or taking medication. My grandfather lost his sight due to diabetes. It scared me to death! So im trying to drop weight to get healthier. But all my friend had to offer was "just because you smaller doesnt mean you still cant get it!" Thats just not something I need to hear right now.
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Old 02-11-2011, 12:47 PM   #6
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People will say those things to 'be nice' but a more appropriate response would be "I'm glad to see you are really making your health a priority!" ~ which is exactly what you are doing! People are born with diabetes, just because people can get diabetes at any age or size does not mean a person should not use all their power to reduce their risk (because realistically, you know at your starting weight of 293lbs and a strong family history means it was only a matter of time before you get it too).

You're doing fantastic! If you are ever down by anyone's response, come here. We'll always be there to support you with honesty!
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Old 02-11-2011, 12:48 PM   #7
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Good for you!! Making this change to be a healthier you is great. Ignore all those unsupportive people. I would only tell people on a "need to know" basis. Unless they live with you, or have a hand in what you eat (someone else buys groceries) I wouldn't tell anyone. I think people are jealous and insecure at times, not that they mean to be, it is just what they are feeling. They might be afraid that you will change or leave them behind.

And tell your friend that you may still get it by it running in the family, but it dramatically reduces your chances of getting diabetes.

So ignore them, and come here. We will support you 100%!!!
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Old 02-11-2011, 01:03 PM   #8
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People are stupid and jealous.

You just do what you need to do, girl! Don't let anyone's opinions get in the way.
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Old 02-11-2011, 01:38 PM   #9
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Thats why I come here and a few other support forums because when people are trying to lose weight they really dont get it and they arent going to always be happy to hear about the ups and downs of losing. People ALWAYS tell me I dont need to lose blah blah blah! Who cares what they think? I dont I know that im doing this for ME and that is all that counts.

Continue to come here and post stay on your grind and you will make goal!
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Old 02-11-2011, 01:49 PM   #10
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Wow Matilda08. Im looking at your pics and we have very similar body shapes. I love my curvy body...just want it to come in a little lol.
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Old 02-11-2011, 02:01 PM   #11
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Saying "I want to lose a 100lbs" just sounds...shocking. Plus, people may not have a really good idea of what you weigh....if they assume you only weight 200lbs, for example, that means you're looking at getting down to 100lbs. So they have to reconsider what you really weight, which means they most likely OVER estimate to handle that "100lbs" number. Which means you really do look good

I think its always better to just focus on health. "I'm trying to improve my health, and losing some weight will help" takes the focus away from your looks and onto something that isn't such a touchy subject for most people.
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Old 02-11-2011, 02:19 PM   #12
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Thanks I love mine too
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2- 210 -Count down til onderland!!
3- 205/ 50lbs lost
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Old 02-11-2011, 02:30 PM   #13
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I also want to lose 100 lbs, I don't tell people this cuz they also look at me like I'm crazy. I just say "I'm trying to live a healthier lifestyle now" and most people can't argue with that

It's funny cuz I've lost over 40 lbs now, I have just under 60 to go and most people wouldn't think I've already lost so much.

People have no concept of weight so for them 100 lbs may seem like a lot- I think if you stop saying the numbers and just talk about a healthier lifestyle and say your doctor wants you to eat healthier- people will back off.

You'll still have naysayers here and there- but it'll definitely decrease in frequency.
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Old 02-11-2011, 02:46 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MzJuicyD View Post
Thanks guys! I was just telling a friend about what im trying to do and he just didnt offer as much support as i was looking for.
...
But all my friend had to offer was "just because you smaller doesnt mean you still cant get it!" Thats just not something I need to hear right now.
Did you try telling your friend this?

It's hard to remember that our friends and loved-ones can't read our minds. When I read a day's worth of posts here at 3FC, here is a sampling of what I see:

* I'm upset because my partner/friend/family member told me I look fat
* I'm upset because my partner/friend/family member told me I look thin enough
* I'm upset because my partner/friend/family member didn't say anything about my weight loss
* I'm upset because my partner/friend/family member said I look great now, and s/he must have meant that I looked terrible before
* I'm upset because my partner/friend/family member said I don't look as good as I can yet
* I'm upset because my partner/friend/family member said I don't need to lose weight to look good

... and on and on and on. Everyone responds differently to different feedback. Heck, most of respond differently on different days to the same feedback! We can't expect people to read our minds. We just have to say "Thanks, but here's the kind of support I really need right now ..."

Alternatively, you can stop being fretful that other people aren't giving you the "right kind" of support (whatever that is!) -- instead, support yourself the way you know you need it, and be grateful for their love and friendship, however imperfectly they express it.
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* Make the best choice I can make, with every choice.
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* Say "no!" to my whiny inner five-year-old.
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Old 02-11-2011, 05:03 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carter View Post
Alternatively, you can stop being fretful that other people aren't giving you the "right kind" of support (whatever that is!) -- instead, support yourself the way you know you need it, and be grateful for their love and friendship, however imperfectly they express it.
Carter has a point. We can choose the way we react to comments other people make about our weight loss. As annoying as they sound, I'm sure that the people around you love you and are just concerned about you. Just shrug the comments off and push on with your goals. In the end, the only voice you should listen to is your own.
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