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Who cares what she weighs....I do??

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Old 02-10-2011, 03:14 AM   #1
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Unhappy Who cares what she weighs....I do??

Ok, I have read tons of threads here on this issue, BUT, here's another one.

I am comparing myself to others lately, and I have tried to stop, but it always sneaks back into my thoughts. On paper, I can see that I have lost 80 lbs., but in reality, when I look in the mirror, I truly can't see it. There are truly times when I feel like I still weigh 235. Sizing doesn't help (as we all know), because I am all over the place with sizes. I wear mostly size 8 pants now, but I also still have 10s that fit, and even a size 6 pair of jeans that are obviously vanity sized.

I think that losing the weight very quickly has not given my brain time to catch up with my body. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that this has not had to be a long, drawn-out process for me, but it is very strange to say the least. Almost every day there is something new that is monumental for me and it's as if I have been cast into a world that I can't really grasp.

Tonight I was at the gym on the treadmill. A girl came in who was built totally different from me. She had the type of figure that I can only envy. Total hourglass, big bust and butt, small waist. She was a few inches shorter than me. She got on the stationary bike right in front of me. So, bored as I was, running along, I was watching her go thru her routine of putting her numbers into the bike panel. She entered 133 for her weight and I was floored. I would have guessed probably about 170. I was not judging her at all, just observing. However, my mind immediately went to "if she weighs 133......you still weigh 155.....and your goal is 135....and if you still look like you weigh that much when you get to 135....yada, yada, yada.

It's amazing how I was envying her very pretty figure when she came in and then my stupid brain went right to comparing numbers on a scale.

Why, why, why? Why is it that I went years without giving a darn about what I ate or how I looked and now I'm overly obsessed with all of this stupid stuff. I am venting here because I don't want these thoughts to run my weight loss efforts into the ditch. I want this to be permanent but I am tired of thinking that I have to be perfect.

That feels better. Sorry about the rant.
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Old 02-10-2011, 05:42 AM   #2
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I know how you think....yeas of training and thoughts like these will not go away immediately. But you have now questioned this train of though and maybe, just maybe you will consider it next time that you question your progress. I was yacking about my figure to my friend the other day and she said to me...I would like to look at your mirror and see what you see because I don't think you are fat at all. I have about 15-20 lbs to loose, the last 20. Not a huge amount but it made me think that our vision of ourselves is DISTORTED and that is not easy to fix. Celebrate your progress. Take pictures and enjoy your progress, compare where you have been and where you are now. Distorted body imaging is a disease. We are not going to overcome overnight.
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Old 02-10-2011, 06:03 AM   #3
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I understand exactly where you are coming from. I look in the mirror and see the chubby girl who once weighed as much as 215 instead of the thinner girl who weighs closer to 120! I wear mostly size 2 jeans now....yet when I look in the mirror I still see the same fat thighs. I am so envious of other women and their prettier figures as well, lol Why do our minds have to be like this? Why can't we see what others see?
I do the if I weighed as much as she weighed, would I look like that game to. Its hard not too. The sad reality is now I weigh less than most of the people I compared myself to. My figure still doesn't look like theirs, lol I am still me only a smaller sized version. I just have to work on accepting that I am me!!!
Please don't let those thoughts ruin the progress you have made! You are doing a great job
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Old 02-10-2011, 06:04 AM   #4
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Well, I say look at the "what do you weigh and what size do you wear" thread, because you'll see there that it is all over the map! It's actually spooky weird that some gals around the same height and weight are several sizes different. I guess the bottom line is, we gotta get where we're going before we will know.

But, yes, the problem most definitely is that a lot of us have no conception of where we really are. I have the opposite distorted body image. I think I am skinny! oh, hahahahahaha! Having lost the weight I have, I look at my arm, and in comparison, it looks WAY small -- almost normal small to me! Then I see a picture, or watch someone weigh on the Biggest Loser who weighs the same as I do now, and I realize, you have a loonnnnggg way to go, baby! I know that, I know I still have well over 100 lbs to lose.

Body image is WEIRD. That's all there is to it!
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Old 02-10-2011, 06:38 AM   #5
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Plus it's really hard to guess someone's weight when they're not the same height as you. You always match them up to your size. Example, my aunt said she gained weight and we're always very transparent about it in our family so I was like, what are you, 150? Well she's 5'3" so to her that was offensive. She was actually 125 but to me the weight she was at looked like what I would guess is 150 but I can't translate between 5'8" and 5'3". 150 on me and 150 on her are very different sizes. Just look in the mirror as objectively as possible and see what's really there. And no matter what you're beautiful.
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Old 02-10-2011, 07:00 AM   #6
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Funny, my reaction would have been, "she's fudging her weight." Sure, it's ridiculous to do it on an exercise machine, but it's also ridiculous to do it on a driver's license form, and we all know how often that happens.

That being said, I'm a terrible estimator of weight, too, even of women who are my height. And if someone says, "you're so thin," my first instinct is to look around and see who they're talking about. (I don't think of myself as thin. Lean, on good mental space days, but not thin.)

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Old 02-10-2011, 08:27 AM   #7
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I don't know what the exact explanation for it is but I have met quite a few people who can't believe how much weight I can carry and that I weigh what I do and also people who weigh quite a bit less than me and look heavier than me.....but I suspect it has something to do with our bones, possibly. Every time this has happened, I have always noticed that they have these beautiful, delicate hands with nice, slim fingers and I have these big-boned, thick hands of a charwoman or a fishwife.

They make these jokes about "I'm just big-boned" but I tend to think there is a lot of truth to it. Not necessarily the whole "bone structure" thing....but more the heaviness of the bones....that can make someone who weighs less look fatter than someone else of the same height who weighs more.

I'm from hardy peasant stock from eastern Europe....so got the big, clunky and heavy bones (which apparently seems to make me look like I weigh less than I actually do).

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Old 02-10-2011, 08:37 AM   #8
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I'm with Kaw - it probably wasn't her real weight. The machines aren't an accurate account anyways so maybe she was putting in what she wants to weigh. You know: see the number, become the number.

By the way, I am an x-ray tech and bones are about the same size for everyone. Some are just a little longer then others. The "big boned" person is a myth. I think it has to do with muscle vs. fat. Now that makes a big difference.
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Old 02-10-2011, 08:55 AM   #9
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I admit I do the same thing - and wish I wouldn't. I'm always looking and trying to guess what that other person may weigh. I don't know WHY I do it and wish I could stop comparing myself to others and just worry about myself.
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Old 02-10-2011, 09:16 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaw View Post
Funny, my reaction would have been, "she's fudging her weight." Sure, it's ridiculous to do it on an exercise machine, but it's also ridiculous to do it on a driver's license form, and we all know how often that happens. Kim
That would have been my reaction. Actually, I read an article just yesterday that said you SHOULD input a lower weight than your actual weight on the machines because they overestimate how many calories are burned by 10 to 30%.

Chubby or thin I have always found myself comparing, "Am I that big?" It is an awful thing that too many of us women do to ourselves and each other.....sigh.
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Old 02-10-2011, 09:20 AM   #11
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i tend to have alot of muscle, so the number always seems 10 lbs off or something anyway. or, a number that sounds great to me, like 150, or 170 with lots of muscle at 5'5, sounds heavy to someone else i guess.

on the other hand, i have trouble understanding how i ever weighed as little as 100. or how grown women can weigh that little. last time i weighed close to 100, i was 12, not quite my full height, but close.

but i really just try to remind myself that each person is different. more/less muscle, curves in different places, no curves.
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Old 02-10-2011, 09:20 AM   #12
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I haven't lost as much as you (awesome work, by the way), but I feel the same way. If I look at the clothes I'm putting on, I can tell the clothes are smaller, but when I look in the mirror, I still see me at my highest weight (most of the time...occasionally, I have a day where I think I look great). For me, I'm constantly comparing myself to my roommate. She and I were similar weights (not that I ever realized it; I thought I was much heavier), she lost about 50 pounds, and now I've lost nearly 50. Sometimes, I sneak into her room and try on her clothing, and it blows my mind that we wear pretty much the same size. When I look at her, I would swear that she's at least a few sizes smaller than me, but not so much in reality.

Because I have such a hard time seeing myself clearly, I focus hugely on how other people look. Do my thighs look bigger or smaller than that girls? What about my hips? Waist? etc. Constantly comparing myself to women at work Actually wishing there was some magic way to know their measurements. I've spent a fair bit of time flipping through images at My Body Gallery trying to rewire my brain, but it's definitely still a work in progress.

Every once in awhile, whenever I'm feeling like I haven't made much progress, I start loading a backpack with however much weight I've lost and make myself walk around with it on for at least an hour. It helps me recognize how much I've actually lost, how much healthier I'm becoming, and focus on the journey, not some idealized, perfect destination -

Best of luck to you!!!
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Old 02-10-2011, 09:21 AM   #13
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oh, that's because they don't subtract what you would burn if you were just sitting, or sleeping. cathe friedrich wrote about that on her website.
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Old 02-10-2011, 09:21 AM   #14
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Well, you have started to realize things.

1) That losing so fast means your brain hasn't had time to catch up.

2) Of course you can't see what is LOST. If you want to see it or feel it again, go try picking up 80 lbs of something. THIS is what you used to carry around.

3) You sound like you are working through it -- because even though you started to obsess with the gym girl and her stats, you started to question this kind of thinking.

4) You may consider the Body Image workbook.
http://www.amazon.com/Body-Image-Wor...owViewpoints=1

GL!
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Old 02-10-2011, 09:36 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LTs girl View Post
I'm with Kaw - it probably wasn't her real weight. The machines aren't an accurate account anyways so maybe she was putting in what she wants to weigh. You know: see the number, become the number.

By the way, I am an x-ray tech and bones are about the same size for everyone. Some are just a little longer then others. The "big boned" person is a myth. I think it has to do with muscle vs. fat. Now that makes a big difference.
What about bone density? Last year I had a bone density test and the Doctor told me I had very dense bones. He gave me a number, but I can't find it right now. Anyway, he told me that I would probably not have to take osteoporosis meds in my lifetime.

My MIL has advanced osteoporosis and has very porous and weak bones. We are the same height and wear the same clothing size, but she weighs a good 20 pounds less than I do.

I'm sure muscle has a lot to do with the weight difference, but doesn't a dense bone weight more than a non-dense bone?

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