Just my mental venting I guess....but I had the thought tonight.
I've been overweight ALL of my life. I've also struggled with constant guilt. CONSTANT. If I eat healthy, I'm obsessing about the next meal. If it's baked fish with veggies, there's a part of me that's upset for not eating vegetarian. If I eat something processed, I think I should eat all whole foods. and on and on. It's an EVERY day thing and has been since Mom put me on a diet at age 10. Yes I have tried every single diet. Raw, Atkins, South Beach, HCG, WW, everything.
Now the last 6 months I've tried harder than ever. I do great and lose 10 pounds....then get tired one day and blow it and in the next two weeks gain it all back. And do it again.
2 weeks ago I did a full one week of Atkins and lost 8 pounds while feeling GREAT and it was nearly effortless for me. One day I woke up and couldn't face eggs for breakfast and wham - it was over. A normal day for me begins with me waking up and thinking about what I should eat for breakfast. If I choose to eat healthy then I obsess until lunch about what I'm eating. Then....if I blow it I then think the rest of the day "tomorrow is IT."
I'm still 50 pounds overweight. STILL. *sigh*
I don't have any friends really - my sister in law is really the only close friend I have. today alone I talked to one person other than my two boys - my husband.
The way I obsess over what I eat is also the way I focus on other parts of my life such as my finances (feel guilt over everything from groceries to clothes), the way I dress, how I raise my kids, the organization and cleanliness of my home and yes even my faith.
Guess that was a really looooong post just to ask - does this sound like depression? If so, can depression make it much harder to lose weight?
I just want to be DONE with all this guilt and fear. I feel like I can't live my life under this strain - I don't necessarily FEEL stressed all the time but reading this it sounds like I'm a mess. I've been told all my life depression is just somebody not being close enough to Jesus. (sorry if that offends but it's honestly what I've been told!)