Has anyone had to deal with hurtful words from someone close to them? A friend or a BF or a DH?
Last night I mentioned to my BF that I intended to have a bangin' body by the summer. I don't have much left to lose, and it is my main focus right now.
Instead, he laughs at me. I respond with 'I already lost over 42lbs'. He counter responds with 'where?' with an eye rolling and scoffing tone.
That upset me more than you can imagine.
His excuse is that him saying this will motivate me more.
Excuse me?
I could see if I have lost nothing and have not been working as hard as I have for the past year. But I have been BUSTING my butt. I have done a total lifestyle change for my health and (admitedly) my vanity.
I looked like this before we met. It was not that I gained all this weight in the 5 years we have been together.
I don't really know what to do or say. I told him it upset me and he brushed it off. If I try to talk to him about this or anything important, he will usually get angry and that will be the end of it.
I am trying to brush this off myself and ignore it. What do I do?
Um, if my husband said anything like that to me, he would be out the second-story window. I think he is nervous that you will attract a lot more attention with your new "bangin' bod" (and probably already have with your current weight loss). It is incredibly outrageous that he said that to you.
If he's your boyfriend, that's just really rude. And hurtful. If he thinks that being cruel to you is motivating, I'd seriously reconsider that relationship. Especially if he gets angry when you try to talk about things that are important to you.
Lose a few hundred pounds now. Break up with him and let someone else enjoy your new bod this summer. He isn't worthy.
I'm not going to offer any advice here, simply because my advice would be mean spirited, and I don't think that would be helpful.
However, I am going to say that you've done wonderfully! You deserve to be treated as though you're accomplished something major, because you have.
Chin up, don't let the likes of him get you down. He's bordering on mental abuse. A REAL man would tell you that you looked beautiful without having lost a pound.
I am so sorry he hurt your feelings. Sometimes I think people (especially men! Sorry, but it seems true sometimes) say things without thinking. It is too bad you can not talk to him about it. It will be hard to brush off yourself of course, but my advice is when it gets you down, just keep thinking about what you have accomplished so far, what you have lost. Stay positive and focused. Perhaps he is jealous because you are getting more attention? Keep aiming for that banging body, you are close! Please so not let his unkind and hurtful words hinder your weight loss. Sounds like you have worked so hard for someones harsh comments to blow it for you! Good luck and congratulations on your success so far! STAY POSITIVE!!!
You should probably evaluate if you really want to be with this person.
I can't even imagine how I would take that, but I know not positively. Who would?
Like others have said in this thread, I might consider the fact that he doesn't want to lose you and this is his jealousy showing. I am all for being understanding, but if this is true he needs to not take his insecurities out on you!
As for myself I have had people close to me make fun of my weight and say hurtful things before also. I wish I had the strength to tell them that it doesn't motivate me to change things, it just makes me feel bad about myself and fall deeper into bad habits. I know its important to love yourself and not care what others think, but its really difficult.
So sorry this person made you feel this way, schubunny. Be proud of what you have accomplished and try not to let people get you down!
Last edited by Renaissance; 01-12-2011 at 12:37 PM.
My first reaction was What the eff??? and agreeing with the person who mentioned something about him getting chucked out a second story window.
But then I remember how my boyfriend sometimes teases me in the same way when I mention my weight loss and it makes me stop and wonder. Then again, my boyfriend is constantly telling me how great I look and how attracted to me he is and how I've come a long way, yadda yadda, so I'm not sure. If he didn't say those good things to balance out the sometimes mean spirited teasings, I don't think I could stand it.
I guess it depends on how he says it, if that's what he ALWAYS says, etc.
I wouldn't take it, personally. You definitely deserve better than that for all your hard work, dedication, and love for yourself! Maybe he's just intimidated, like someone else said. Either way.... don't put up with that!
Last edited by starfishkitty; 01-12-2011 at 12:35 PM.
I third throwing him out the window! What he said is just plain unacceptable! If he's ALWAYS like this (or at least most of the time) then I agree that you should reevaluate things. Sometimes people change, and they're no longer compatible with their partners no matter how long they've been together.
If he's your boyfriend, that's just really rude. And hurtful. If he thinks that being cruel to you is motivating, I'd seriously reconsider that relationship. Especially if he gets angry when you try to talk about things that are important to you.
Lose a few hundred pounds now. Break up with him and let someone else enjoy your new bod this summer. He isn't worthy.
I agree 100% with this- what a jerk. Your post just screams red flag when you say "If I try to talk to him about this or anything important, he will usually get angry and that will be the end of it."
If your sister came to you telling you her bf was like this- what would your advice be? I'm sure you'd tell her if you can't speak to a guy about anything important than he's not the right guy for her.
Dump him- you could get down to 160 lbs and be even more gorgeous than you are now and he'll still bring you down. I know it's easier said than done but you'll be glad you did. If he can't learn to admit what he said was wrong (and omg 40 lbs is a HUGE difference) then it'll just get worse with time, not better.
Is he overweight? I could see someone who felt guilty about his own weight saying something like that. My own husband has made many mean comments but he's always quick to encourage and complement me on weight loss. I mean, the man gets excited over 2lbs. But he himself has never been overweight so he isn't carry around that kind of guilty "she's doing better than I am" baggage.
Here! Here! Beerab ... You hit the nail on the head!- Shubunny I know that dumping him seems rash, and until a couple of years ago, I would have been more sypathetic... Then I found my wonderful partner who WOULD NEVER treat me like that!!! He is constantly reassuring me. I never thought people like that existed...... but they DO!
It would be different if it was your sister, or brother.... you are stuck with them, and should blow them off. But your BF is your partner, he is supposed to be on your team no matter what.
I agree with the other posters - I would seriously look at this relationship and reconsider participating in it. You deserve someone who you can talk to and who will support you - they are out there, find someone who is worthy of you.
My response would have been, "speaking of getting rid of the dead weight in my life, it's time to have a talk."
It is possible, however, that he does think it's the best way to help. It may be time for a frank discussion about the type of support you need and how he can provide it.
try not to let this bother you , easier said than done but uve lost 42lbs........thats amazing. youve sheaded a good few stone so obviously ur figure would have changed along side your self estam and confidance. So well done i have 51 more pounds to lose so yur an insperation to me.
Reason i say not to let it bother you as it seems that hes the one with the problem not you. He knows uve lost and he knows you look good. And i reckon hes just feeling a little bit threatened by it all, after all thats what you were like when yas got togather right? so you woulda been like that when you were single? yous have fallin in to the trap (which we all do) of a content and comfortable relationship. I put 2 stone on. But its all good but it cant last forever and sooner or later you have to step up and make a cahnge.
Im lucky my BF supports me and we r doing out lifesyle change together. Maybe get your BF to join in so he can start feeling better about himself?
I really dont think he meant it personal to make you feel bad , its probably more to do with the way hes feeling , maybe a little insecureGood luck on loosing the last few pounds and WELL DONE
Hurtful words from someone close...
