What I'm interested in here is why we feel like we have a right to know about how any particular person, celebrity or not, has lost the weight. There are two different issues at play here. If someone is voluntarily going around saying 'Hey, I'm awesome and I lost 50 pounds eating celery only!" when they really had surgery or did something else, that's weird and lying. But if you ask someone how they lost the weight and they lie to you, it may just be because they are uncomfortable with your intrusive question.
I am very open about things. I generally don't mind telling people I had surgery (though there have been some weird moments and I do struggle with feeling like people are judging me, it's still harder for me to lie than to deal with that stuff). However, just because my body has changed significantly doesn't mean that anyone has a right to ask me what is going on. If you noticed a coworker stopped wearing a wedding ring would you go up to them and ask why? Unlikely. I know that people are seeking inspiration, but in the age of the internet where you can find sites like this, there's no reason to be asking strangers or acquaintances about how they lost the weight. If they want you to know, they'll talk to you about it. Otherwise, if you feel compelled to comment, you can just say that they are looking good or whatever and let them decide how much they want to tell you from there.
There's a bit of a different standard, though, for trainers, instructors, nutritionists, or anyone whose job entails talking about weight and fitness. While I wouldn't approach an acquaintance and ask all about his/her major weight loss, I would approach a fitness instructor about his/her newfound fitness.
When I worked at a bookstore, people regularly asked me for help picking something out. When I worked at a jewelry store, they solicited my opinions on which item to get--even for big important things like engagement rings (talk about pressure!). When I was a hotel reservations agent, they sought my advice on everything from the best restaurants to try in New Orleans to where they could catch a good drag revue to the price of Saints tickets.
I don't judge what route another person takes to better health (assuming it's legal and healthy); there is no "easy way out" and anyone who gets healthier deserves praise for it. However, when health and fitness is a person's livelihood, then that person should be able to answer questions about his/her weight loss and give an honest answer. To do otherwise is to do dishonest work.
I would feel differently if the person in question were a bank teller or an astronaut or something. I absolutely agree that no one is owed an answer to nosy questions. But asking a fitness instructor how she got more fit isn't nosy, it's expected, in my opinion.
There's a bit of a different standard, though, for trainers, instructors, nutritionists, or anyone whose job entails talking about weight and fitness. While I wouldn't approach an acquaintance and ask all about his/her major weight loss, I would approach a fitness instructor about his/her newfound fitness.
When I worked at a bookstore, people regularly asked me for help picking something out. When I worked at a jewelry store, they solicited my opinions on which item to get--even for big important things like engagement rings (talk about pressure!). When I was a hotel reservations agent, they sought my advice on everything from the best restaurants to try in New Orleans to where they could catch a good drag revue to the price of Saints tickets.
I don't judge what route another person takes to better health (assuming it's legal and healthy); there is no "easy way out" and anyone who gets healthier deserves praise for it. However, when health and fitness is a person's livelihood, then that person should be able to answer questions about his/her weight loss and give an honest answer. To do otherwise is to do dishonest work.
I would feel differently if the person in question were a bank teller or an astronaut or something. I absolutely agree that no one is owed an answer to nosy questions. But asking a fitness instructor how she got more fit isn't nosy, it's expected, in my opinion.
This! ^^
I believe that if fewer public figures lied about how they lost weight, there wouldn't be such a stigma attached to WLS and other tools for weightloss. Same goes for reproductive technologies, but that's way off subject...
See this is a particularly tricky area. On the one hand you have the "secret" for how you did it, and on the other you have the information that we all lose at different rates depending on our size, age, metabolisom, gender, health condition, genetics, etc. We have been taught for so long that it is literally calories in/calories out and that there is nowhere else to lay the blame for lack of weight loss that we do look to people who have managed it to see how they have managed it. And the sad truth is that no it wouldn't necessarily be a magic wand for the next person. I cannot lose weight on 1500 cals a day, I just can't, it doesn't happen. Others lose on 1800. So there's no point throwing maths at it and saying that is the answer.
as time passes all those things, like metabolism, can change too. your life changes. your tastes change. the people around you change. your mindset changes. your ability and desire to do exercise changes. the "answer" one moment becomes different the next.
I think it's also that different things work for different people. Would this trainer be as proud of their achievements if they were going around telling people about their phentermine use? Maybe they themselves feel like a croc. Either way, I think if you're fully comfortable with yourself there should be no reason to lie about your weight loss strategies. Especially since there are so many people who really want and need help.
as time passes all those things, like metabolism, can change too. your life changes. your tastes change. the people around you change. your mindset changes. your ability and desire to do exercise changes. the "answer" one moment becomes different the next.
True, but this is where we need the transparency on it, instead of people reflecting on the "after" so much. Those magazine success stories of "I never, ever felt a moment's hunger and now I still go to McDonalds I just pick the salad" - well if you are the start of your journey that just comes over smug, sanctimonious and very unlikely. A more honest account that recalls that at the start of your diet you were mortified if anyone wanted to go to the fast food places because the aromas and temptation did your head in, but honestly after a number of months on the diet I did find I fundamentally changed and I really can order a salad with no regrets.
We need to hear if we return to the nurse for another weigh-in not "Well you cannot have been following the plan because you only lost 1lb" but "If you are following the plan then the weight loss will come, some people start faster and end slower, some people pick up towards the end, trust the plan". But when all your efforts are thrown back in your face because people forget there's more to it than maths you go in search of these people and ask them how they are doing exactly what you are doing and having success, because often the answer is "it's one of those things". You go looking for that person who orders a salad at the restaurant to quiz them about that because you'd rather just not go than sit there with a garden on your plate. You want to know what's different that you seem to be doing it all right and getting nowhere, none of the promised stabilisation of all sugar cravings if you give it up for a while, you are gaining weight on the recommended calorie allowance and the more you exercise the more weight you put on!
If more people accepted that everyone is different (although many factors can and will change) then we would have far less pressure on us to all get the same result just because we've had the same input. If I eat another person's perfect diet that fills them up wonderfully and strips the weight off it's entirely possible I will go hungry and lose nothing. More "probably" and less "definitely" is required: it's a good bet that fruit and veg will fill you up, but if you personally don't find it filling there's no point repeating to you that "it fills you up".
We've lost the individual in the diet plan, we've gone over to such a mantra of calories in, calories out, and forgotten about water balance, muscle balance, injuries, hormone fluctuations, underlying metabolism... You couldn't create the same weight loss results by putting two people in a lockdown lab and having them eat and exercise the same under 24hr guard, but everyone implies that that is exactly what would happen.
Gosh, this is such a deep thread, reading it stirs a lot of things up.
I agree about the two standards: We none of us 'civilians' are obliged to tell anybody anything about how we're losing weight; trainers, people choosing to appear on Loser-type shows ought, 100%, to be honest, otherwise they're making life very difficult for us 'ordinary people' by perpetuating the idea that weightloss is easy, and the only reason it may not be working for us is that we're lazy or stupid or both, and not trying hard enough.
I wish that we had better access to nutritionist/dietitian advice. In the UK, where most of us only every see a General Practitioner, the problem is that they're General, they can't possibly be experts in everything. So for issues I've dealt with in the past - weightloss and depression - I've been seen by stick-thin wee lassies, where I can just about see them turning the page in the textbook in their heads while they take me through the things that definitely do work for everybody, I'm wrong to say they don't for me. (I currently have a wonderful GP who understands both these things - but she's part-time and so popular, it's only by good luck I can ever get to see her).
I feel a difficulty sometimes posting on 3fc when things are going well for me which, by and large, they are at the moment and, with the odd blip, for almost 7 months; but they are. Of course I'm working blddy hard at it but part of my learning, part of my overall self-improvement is not dwelling on the bits of any part of my life that get me down; I don't need to dwell on or report that 3 evenings this week if I'd had the bread in, I'd have made sandwiches of my 4 dogs and chomped them down...... My realism Is that it's calories in/calories out, and while I accept absolutely that for some people this is not so, I can't pretend to having struggles that I'm not.
And finally, 3fc is a godsend to me. I choose not to share my weightloss with my family; my one close friend's one 'blemish' is that the thinner I get, the more defensive she feels (she's way thinner than me), so I don't discuss it with her; my colleagues have evinced no interest whatsoever. If it weren't for posting and reading here, I don't think I'd be able to stick with it - so Thankyou to All Chickies!
Last edited by Rosinante; 12-12-2010 at 08:59 AM.
Reason: dmn, my typing's getting bad.
I loved your post, Rose. I think in my mind it hits something right on the nail's head, that I completely believe working towards a healthy body weight and fitness and good nutrition is wonderful. There's so much involved in it, mentally, physically, emotionally. Weight loss to improve looks is not a bad goal either, I don't poo poo that. It's a process that should be in balance with other aspects of my life, not an obsession that's an end goal in itself.
in the best of all possible worlds, I could exist for a bunch of months in a totally controlled environment, with doctors, nutritionists, the stress and duties of life on the other side of the fence, as well as the absence of temptations and a wad of money motivating me = Biggest Loser scenario. Even people who get that don't lose all their weight, and don't all keep it off.
but obviously people in the "real world" do lose weight, large amounts of weight, and keep it off. I've gotten off about half my weight and have managed to keep it off. that's worse than some, better than others.
the thing about weight loss is that everyone is so different that the amount of challenge can really be a spectrum. I don't say all this to discourage anyone who wants to lose weight, with the thought that it's too complicated, but rather to encourage people who encounter challenges that other people might not, and who may get to feeling like chucking in the whole endeavor because it gets difficult and they can't quite figure it out.
What I'm interested in here is why we feel like we have a right to know about how any particular person, celebrity or not, has lost the weight. There are two different issues at play here. If someone is voluntarily going around saying 'Hey, I'm awesome and I lost 50 pounds eating celery only!" when they really had surgery or did something else, that's weird and lying. But if you ask someone how they lost the weight and they lie to you, it may just be because they are uncomfortable with your intrusive question.
I am very open about things. I generally don't mind telling people I had surgery (though there have been some weird moments and I do struggle with feeling like people are judging me, it's still harder for me to lie than to deal with that stuff). However, just because my body has changed significantly doesn't mean that anyone has a right to ask me what is going on. If you noticed a coworker stopped wearing a wedding ring would you go up to them and ask why? Unlikely. I know that people are seeking inspiration, but in the age of the internet where you can find sites like this, there's no reason to be asking strangers or acquaintances about how they lost the weight. If they want you to know, they'll talk to you about it. Otherwise, if you feel compelled to comment, you can just say that they are looking good or whatever and let them decide how much they want to tell you from there.
Rachel. Read the original post. I am clearly talking about a person (a trainer) who is MARKETING themselves and their weight loss.
I am also talking about celebrities who go and VOLUNTARILY pose for fitness magazines and discuss their weight loss, or people like Star Jones, who will start talking about weight loss and then get cagey with the truth. I am also talking about shows like The Biggest Loser, which market themselves as having people lose a lot of weight really fast, but won't say how its actually done. For that you have to read some of the reports from former contestants.
Clearly its not about someone asking YOU and being intrusive about YOU. Its about people putting themselves out there and discussing their weight loss with the public.
Last edited by Harsdottir; 12-12-2010 at 12:41 PM.
