[milmin2043]

Hi everyone,

I guess I am just needing to vent.

I ran a 5k charity race this evening which was really fun. It started at 7:00 and was the first race I have ever run in the dark. The course was over small rolling hills lit with tiki torches. Everyone had on light-up noses and crazy Christmas costumes. Very festive. I ran the 5k in 30:31 which isn't too shabby for someone my age and with my health issues.

I should be absolutely thrilled about this, and I am, sort of. However, 2 things set me off earlier in the day that I just need to unload. I went to the park with my granddaughter and 2 of my sons this afternoon. #2 son asked me "mom, when is the last time you swung on the swings"? I told him it was probably when I was a little girl. He said "give it a try". So I did. It was really enjoyable, freeing, felt great. He took pictures of all of us swinging. Later after I got home, I was looking at the pictures on my phone and I can't get past the feeling that I still look so gross and fat. I truly feel like I look better in the mirror than this awful set of pictures. Now I feel like I weigh 235 and it's all been some kind of a cruel joke.

To top it all off, I have been training to run a half marathon in March with a full Marathon next Dec. This is a bucket list accomplishment for me and if I actually am able to run and finish, I feel like I could die happy. (Which could happen...LOL). Well, on the way to the 5k, son #1 decides that it's the appropriate time to tell me that my hubby does not think that I will be able to run a marathon, that I'm kidding myself and that the boys shouldn't encourage me.

Truly, my husband is not some unsupportive jerk. He really isn't. He has been there with me through Parkinson's, a stroke, seizures, 2 brain surgeries and numerous other issues. He goes to the gym with me and eats healthy with me. I know he is worried about my health and me getting hurt, but heck, I had the stroke and seizures right here at home with no one around, I was overweight, depressed and pretty much sitting around waiting to die. I realize this is a huge undertaking, but I refuse to accept that I won't be able to do it. I just refuse. I am putting in the training almost every single day and I have resolve of steel.

These 2 incidents today just having me feeling down and low and I needed to type this out in hopes that someone might understand and maybe even offer a little advice or something for pulling myself out of this slump and continuing on my training path. Thank you for listening.

[amk79000]

Hello milmin2043,
I can definitely relate to you about the looking-bad-in-pictures thing. Blame it on the bad angles--you WERE in mid-motion! What you see in the mirror is so much more real than what you see in a picture, especially as you mentioned that these pictures were taken on a phone.
As for what your husband said, if it seems like an uncharacteristic thing for him to say, than maybe he is feeling threatened by your accomplishments? That is not very helpful, I suppose, but maybe taking into account how your successes might make him feel may help to shed some light on his un-supportive comments...
Hope you are feeling a bit better!

[JessLess]

Hopefully your husband said something to your kids that they didn't quite understand, like not to pressure you to do it or that he was worried about your health. I hope you two can talk about it and that he will be more sensitive.

[shannonmb]

The picture thing -- BLAH! Maybe do yourself up cute and have someone take a pic of you in a flattering angle (swinging AIN'T it! hahaha), then compare that to an old photo. That's all I can suggest about THAT.

It sounds like you have a really supportive hubby, and it also sounds to me like he is worried for you. I doubt it's that he doesn't think you can do it -- I imagine he knows your iron resolve by now. Running is a very healthy pursuit, marathoning takes it to a whole different level, and I am thinking he is probably uncomfortable about the "I'll run this marathon or die trying" thing -- he doesn't want you to die trying! After the stuff he's been through with your health, your mortality is probably a pretty scary -- and real --concept for him.

I think you need to have a talk. Lay out why it's so important to you. Then he can lay out what his concerns are about it. He may feel that it's unwise medically for you to do what you're trying to do. Or he may not want you to set yourself up for failure. If it's the medical thing, you could even get a trusted doctor to give you the okay, that may make him feel better. If it's the failure thing, talk to him about not trying being the only possible failure.

Sounds like you have a man who really cares. Talk it out!

[lazylioness]

*hugs*

Pictures are not my friends either. I look in the mirror sometimes and see one thing, and then the pictures tell me something completely different. If it helps at all, my fiancee (who is a Photographer by trade) swears to me that cameras lie ALL the time. I guess this is true, because I have some pictures of me that he took, from great angles and I look like I weigh 100 lbs! obviously I don't! So do not let that get to you TOO much.

As for the hubby, kids probably misunderstood, OR hubby is very concerned about your health and what he is afraid may happen if you do the marathon. If he is like most boys, he probably cannot vocalize his fears and concerns very well. Talk to him about what your son said, and get it out in the open. Once his concerns are vocalized they can be addressed and taken care of. Maybe he can go to the doctor with you and have the doctor address his concerns as well

Good Luck, sounds like you do indeed have a resolve and strength of steel. I am sure you will do fantastic!

[thesame7lbs]

Milmin, my MIL has Parkinsons. While she has no plans to run a marathon, I can imagine how this situation might play out in our family.

My FIL might say that he's worried, that he thinks marathon training will be too much of a strain on her system, that it might make her worse. Maybe he fears that all that running could cause another stroke -- all that heart pumping and pressure in the vessels. It's one of those homegrown medical theories that sounds reasonable to a layperson. (I'm always coming up with medical theories that sound perfectly reasonable and make intuitive sense, but that make my doctor-husband laugh). Maybe he's worried that inflammation of muscles/joints caused by long-distance running could aggravate and Parkinsons-related inflammation (forgive me if I'm incorrect about Parkinsons having something to do with inflammation)

And perhaps he feels that if you aren't encouraged, maybe you will be more likely to not go through with it.

But my FIL would never say anything to my MIL, because, as he says, "I have to live with her." So maybe one of the kids would say something to her. And now it feels like he is talking behind your back and undermining you, when really it comes from a place of concern.

What does your doctor think about your plan? Would it reassure your husband if he really understood that your doc is on board? Or if you promised to back off training if your health is suffering?

I, for one, am inspired by your plans. But I can sympathize with your loved ones who may be worried about how your plans may affect your health in both the near and long terms.

ETA: LOL, posted at the same time as Shannon AND Lioness. :-)

[EZMONEY]

Us guys do worry about our women!

I worry my daughter runs too many marathons.....

I worry my wife is getting "too old" to do the mud runs (only because of back issues)....

Prayers for health and support!

[bargoo]

On the other hand , you can have a wonderful secret. Don't say anything to them about what your son said. Just keep training and in your heart you will be telling yourself , I can do this, I will do this. Good luck.

[4xcharm]

Your husband may just wish you had some wiggle room. Not feeling you just Have to run the marathon. He may want you to have the feeling, "if I feel like it, I'll run it"
Also, whose grown-up rear end looks charming in a six-year old's seat?
I'm already pretty slim and I love to ride the swings, but I can still feel "dunloping over" the narrow band!

[WebRover]

On the picture thing, you can compare that picture, unflattering as it is, to your beginning pictures and still see progress. I wouldn't worry about one picture. Besides, you're a work in progress and it's the healthy improvements that matter. Remember back to the election campaigns where candidates always picked the least flattering pictures of their opponents, with their mouths open, their eyes half closed as they're blinking, etc. That was an action photo and the action was more important than the photo. It shows 1) that you're doing something physical not sitting around and 2) you're creating special memories with a grandchild. They'll remember you swung with them - not the stupid picture.

On the half marathon - kudos for you. You can use the comment to know you have a graceful out if you ever choose to use it. You can also use it for inspiration - "He doesn't think I can do it, I know I can. I'll show him!"

[happy2bme]

If you really think about it, sitting in a swing is a very awkward position - you're all smooshed in a bendy seat flying through the air in wierd angles. It gets more out of proportion the taller you get which is why 2 year olds look better swinging than 30 year olds do Think about someone at your feet or low to the ground taking a picture at an upwards angle to your face - it's just a pose that is not the most flattering. So don't worry about that - instead remember the sheer joy that comes from swinging and laughing. Kudos to you for doing it as well as completing your 5k!

As for your hubby - as EZ says they do worry it's just that often they don't know the right words to express themselves in ways that WE understand what they mean. Like the others said, I'm sure he's concerned and doesn't want to see you get injured but sometimes we just have to let our loved ones try and reach their goals.

Best wishes to you in pursuit of your bucket list - make each day meaningful in your life!

[milmin2043]

Thank you everyone. I appreciate not only that you all took the time to read my long post but to take the time to respond with such great answers.

Isn't it amazing that we can have such resolve to lose a ton of weight and get healthy, etc for months and months, years and years, and then some silly picture or off-hand remark can throw us into a tail spin?

I have a regular appointment with my neurologist on Dec 13th. She knows I've been running, but I haven't spoken with her about the marathon. I also am making an appt on Monday to speak with my neurosurgeon. I trust him more than anyone (since he has literally had his hands inside my head twice), and I am going to ask his opinion.

I spoke with my hubby today and explained how much his remark hurt me. He was flabbergasted and upset and still is. He said that he told my son that he didn't think I could do it with only a year of training, not that I couldn't do it at all. He is just beside himself to think that he said something that would be taken out of context (he should know....lol...there are OUR children, afterall), and that he hurt me so with the remark. He had to work today and has called me twice to see if I'm ok. He's no saint, but like I said, he's always been there for me, so I guess I should have been a bit less upset by what my son said, and gone right to the source before wigging out.

I also promised him that if either of my brain docs told me I absolutely shouldn't do it, that I won't. So, now I'm nervous that they are going to tell me no. My mother talked to me today and said "Rhonda, neither of them has said that you can't run, you will still be able to do that, but maybe not a marathon." She is worried that I have talked myself into thinking that my PD is cured because I am doing so well currently. It's strange how people will always find something to worry about. When I couldn't walk or talk, everyone was worried about me ALL the time about everything. Now that I can do so much more, they are worried about me kidding myself into thinking I'm cured. It just proves, it's always something.

I have a friend who is 61 and has had PD for over 20 years and has run 14 marathons. He is my inspiration to try this.

Again, thank you to everyone who responded. Your words of wisdom moved me.

I will let you all know what my doctors say. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I really want this.

[fatmad]

everyone else has commented about the problems, but I want to comment about your son. I love this young man who puts his mum on the swings and gets her going and having fun. I'm sorry the photos didn't turn out so well, but the fun was worth it. What a nice memory for the grandkids too, going to the park and having such fun with you.
Hope you can let the rest go, with your resolve, I have no doubt that you can do whatever you set out to do, after all you have done already with your health issues. That is really inspiring to me.

[milmin2043]

Thank you fatmad for those kinds words. (((hugs)))) You are absolutely right. I needed a few days to gain some perspective. That's why I love this forum so much. People here will let you get it all out and not tell you you're silly or too sensitive because we are all fighting a similar battle.

Have a great Sunday.

[justaloozer]

Originally Posted by fatmad

everyone else has commented about the problems, but I want to comment about your son. I love this young man who puts his mum on the swings and gets her going and having fun. I'm sorry the photos didn't turn out so well, but the fun was worth it. What a nice memory for the grandkids too, going to the park and having such fun with you.
Hope you can let the rest go, with your resolve, I have no doubt that you can do whatever you set out to do, after all you have done already with your health issues. That is really inspiring to me.

This except I am more than willing to bet that the photos turned out much better than you think