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Dealing with mix messages from mother

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Old 11-28-2010, 02:54 PM   #1
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Default Dealing with mix messages from mother

Anyone have tips on how to deal with a mother who tells you one thing, but her actions state the opposite?

Case: Due to my weight gain these past couple of years, I am now the size of my mother. My mother is 25 years older than me and uses the excuse of not needing to be "as serious" as me about losing weight since she is already married and an old lady.

Both of my parents are harping on me to lose the weight. Okay, fine. I agree that I need and want to lose the weight. But what bothers me is when I'm not hungry and my mom asks me if I want to eat anything that she has made for the rest of my family. I politely say "No, I just ate." Then she pushes a little bit and says "Are you sure? It tastes really good." ARGH!!! WTF? If I give in, then they harp on me about not having any willpower yet when I don't give in, then her feelings get hurt (fyi...she expresses her love through cooking....so if you reject her food, then she feels like you are rejected her love).

How would you handle this situation? Btw, I'm temporarily staying with my family due to giving emotional support while my father is recovering at home from major surgery. I can't wait to move back to my own place so that I don't have to deal with my mom's tempting food and all the junk food around their house.
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Old 11-28-2010, 03:16 PM   #2
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Repeat after me.

"No, thank you, and don't ask me again."

"No, thank you, and don't ask me again."

"No, thank you, and don't ask me again."

Say this to your mother as many times as necessary to get her to stop offering. No need to sound angry, just sound polite but firm. Do not accept the food, because if you do, it will just reinforce her offering it to you.

You have to be consistent if you want to change her behavior. You can't stop her from asking once, but you can discourage her from asking over and over.

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Old 11-28-2010, 09:11 PM   #3
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Have you pointed this out to her? It doesn't have to be confrontational, just, "Hey Mom, you've been on me all week about losing weight. So why do you keep offering me food when I say 'No Thank You?'"

Maybe she doesn't even realize that she's doing it.

Or maybe she's like my mom, and she feels less guilty about eating when she has someone to do it with her...
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Old 11-28-2010, 09:49 PM   #4
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I'm not sure how close you are with your mother. If it were me and mine I'd say "OK woman pick one, you can't feed me AND complain that I'm fat."
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Old 11-28-2010, 10:10 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thesame7lbs View Post
Or maybe she's like my mom, and she feels less guilty about eating when she has someone to do it with her...
My mom is the same. She KNEW I had given up sugar and didn't want desserts yet I constantly got asked the whole week. I just kept reminding her (and sometimes added if I was really annoyed that she should do the same!).

Oh, and I'm married (not really an old women but still) and I need to lose weight too!
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Old 11-28-2010, 10:20 PM   #6
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Since your mom shows her love through food, why not turn down the food but ask her for a cup of coffee, hot tea, iced tea, club soda, diet hot chocolate or something along that line.

I didn't say water, because that just wouldn't seem right under the circumstances.
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Old 11-28-2010, 10:42 PM   #7
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My mother does something similar. She always tells me that "just one is okay". What she can't seem to comprehend is that "just one" may be okay for her and her whopping total weight of 92lbs..but "just one" is never okay for me.

It's seriously like she wants me to fail..
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