Any room for a new guy ? Need advice.

[krampus]

Originally Posted by flippychick

Krampus, you hit the nail on the head! Why is that? Even if the woman is a foot taller than the man, there is somehow this weird notion that she should weigh less.

It's because in almost every movie ever made, the man is about six feet tall and the woman is shorter than five feet six. He is big and muscular and upside down triangle shaped while she is a petite 120-pound hourglass. Despite the fact that all men are not 1950s Marlon Brando and all women are not Ingrid Bergman, we still think that is how it's "supposed" to be.

[bonnnie]

So, maybe she is discouraged with weight loss - like, it has to be this ultra-personal choice and commitment and she is just not on board right now.... it happens to all of us.

And then you are there, still committed and motivated, and she feels like you are watching over her shoulder when she eats. Maybe she wanted a greasy cheese pizza, so she ordered it, and then you vehemently refuse because you are healthy and losing weight.

As a VERY overweight pre-teen, my Mother would watch me like a hulk when I went into the kitchen and look at me disapprovingly when I grabbed something to eat. Then, I would find ways to sneak it - anything so that she wouldn't see. Even to this day, I sometimes 'sneak' food, not wanting my boyfriend to see me eat (even if it is healthy and within my calorie allotment) and I hate eating in front of other people.

My point is, you probably don't realize it, but you are getting on her nerves. You are surely judging her bad choices - even if you don't say it out loud, she can still feel the judgment... and then she exaggerates it in her head.

So, if I were you, I'd probably reinforce that she is beautiful exactly as she is and she doesn't need to lose anymore... i mean her weight is at the high end of the BMI, but perfectly healthy. And stop asking her to go to the gym.

[ANGST]

Originally Posted by bonnnie

So, maybe she is discouraged with weight loss - like, it has to be this ultra-personal choice and commitment and she is just not on board right now.... it happens to all of us.

And then you are there, still committed and motivated, and she feels like you are watching over her shoulder when she eats. Maybe she wanted a greasy cheese pizza, so she ordered it, and then you vehemently refuse because you are healthy and losing weight.

As a VERY overweight pre-teen, my Mother would watch me like a hulk when I went into the kitchen and look at me disapprovingly when I grabbed something to eat. Then, I would find ways to sneak it - anything so that she wouldn't see. Even to this day, I sometimes 'sneak' food, not wanting my boyfriend to see me eat (even if it is healthy and within my calorie allotment) and I hate eating in front of other people.

My point is, you probably don't realize it, but you are getting on her nerves. You are surely judging her bad choices - even if you don't say it out loud, she can still feel the judgment... and then she exaggerates it in her head.

So, if I were you, I'd probably reinforce that she is beautiful exactly as she is and she doesn't need to lose anymore... i mean her weight is at the high end of the BMI, but perfectly healthy. And stop asking her to go to the gym.

I assure you it is not in that context of "Hey want to go to the gym with me today" . It is more she complains she gets no time to work out , so when the kids are at the grandparents on a morning I normally work out I have asked if she wanted to go with me.

[bargoo]

Keep on taking care of yourself , when she is ready to do something about her own health she will let you know. I don't know where you live but if you are buried under snow wait until weather gets nice and find some activities that all the family can enjoy. Biking. hiking, tossing around a frisbie amything that you all can enjoy for good physical exercise.

[Tomato]

Hey Angst,

Congrats on your terrific weight loss! I had a good chuckle at your comment about you doing the aqua aerobics with the 60-something ladies. :-)

[helen73]

It could have less to do with your actual weight and more to do with the time spent exercising. For example, has she been nagging you to paint a room or fix this or that? Does she feel like your not "doing your share" at home? If so, then she sees that you'll keep your commitment to the gym and diet but not to the "couple". So maybe she's being passive agressive b/c she's mad about that. I could be wrong but it's something to consider.

[L R K]

1st off, congratulations on being 135lbs down. That is an amazing accomplishment!

I agree with the others in saying that I think she may be feeling a little insecure with her own weight issues and seeing you succeed is making her feel a little down. Speaking as a girl who often feels insecure about her own weight issues, especially with a SO of a healthy weight, she just needs you to show her that things haven't changed and that you still love her.