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Today's trip to the gym triggered bullying memories

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Old 11-26-2010, 03:59 PM   #1
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Unhappy Today's trip to the gym triggered bullying memories

I went to the gym today determined to lose the 40 pounds I've gained these past 2 years due to emotional eating. I've started to see a nutrionist and she has helped me work on a meal plan and exercise routine. IF I stick with it, then I should be at my goal weight by this time next year.

Anyway, I did 45 minutes of cardio on the eliptical machine today. I was feeling really good about it. As I started to walk to the locker room, 2 women (looked to me around my age...late 20s/early 30s), looked specifically at my body's "problem areas" for longer than a casual glance. Based off their faces, I could tell they were disgusted (they were/are in shape...slender). One of the women looked up and down and then looked up at my face...she turned to her friend and said something...then they both started laughing.

Their action made me feel like I was being teased back in middle school and high school by my bullies. I quickly packed up my things in the locker room and headed to my car before I started to cry.

Now I don't want to go to the gym. I was feeling proud about sticking it out on the cardio machine for 45 minutes and all it took was 20 seconds for these 2 women to knock the "fat girl" down.

I guess I could start wearing darker T-shirts to hide my protuding stomach a lot more (btw, the way my body collects fat makes it look as if I am pregnant...unfortunatley, my mother collects fat the same way...it's genetics). I'm very top little and drastically bottom heavy (similar to the shape of a light bulb).

I've cancelled my plans this evening with a friend because this inccident at the gym as really put me in a tail spin in the sense that I'm remembing all the people in my past that have teased me and told me how fat and ugly I look.

How do you become your own best friend in situations like this one? Since today is Black Friday, I've been trying to find some gym clothes for sale that can help me better hide my problem areas. I am no longer going to wear the grey T-shirt and navy blue pants that I wore to the gym today because I have seen more than a few women look down at my heavy thighs, wide hips, and big stomach....it makes me feel more uneasy than I already do.

Anyway, any tips on dressing better for the gym is greatly appreciated. I don't always want to be wearing black tshirts and black pants. I do plan on going back to the gym tomorrow, but perhaps I will go at night time when no one is really there. I feel like I'm a young girl again...hiding from her bullies....it makes me angry at myself for being SO weak-minded.

Last edited by FreeBird3 : 11-26-2010 at 04:14 PM.
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Old 11-26-2010, 04:08 PM   #2
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Un-cancel your plans with your friends. Go out with them. You are not in high school and those girls don't matter.

go to the gym and hold your head up high. wear what you want and if people want to act offended by what they see, screw them. It's a freaking gym. People are there to get in shape.

You are not a young girl. You are a woman. Now man up and go out there and have fun with your friends and then go to the gym tomorrow. If those girls are there and look at you funny give them the finger.
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Old 11-26-2010, 04:19 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seagirl View Post
If those girls are there and look at you funny give them the finger.
That made me laugh out loud.

But I agree. Be proud of who you are. Every nook. Every craney. Every roll. Every crevice. Every bulge. Every bump. EVERY PIECE OF YOU. You are taking the steps needed to make a better you on the outside, but you also need to steps to make a better you on the inside, dear.

Those people don't matter.
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Old 11-26-2010, 04:25 PM   #4
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I am really sorry this happened to you. Are you certain your perceptions are correct? I just can't imagine anyone being that mean at the gym. Every gym I've ever been to has been very, very kind to absolutely everyone. It's a very inspirational place. You have to imagine that every person you run into who is fit and thin was once where you are now. And by the way, judging from your stats, there's nothing to make fun of. We all have trouble areas, but I don't think yours can be more than a little toning could take care of. YOU belong at that gym just as much as any other person. I wonder if your former bullying experiences aren't making you all the more sensitive. I really hate that you have had this experience in your life.

Most of the time at the gym, everyone is so caught up in themselves there isn't any room in their minds for someone else! Everyone is extremely self-absorbed. If this isn't the case at your gym, I suggest finding a new one.
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Last edited by Eliana : 11-26-2010 at 06:07 PM.
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Old 11-26-2010, 04:56 PM   #5
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Absolutely un-cancel your plans.

Don't let your perception ruin your day. You don't know what they were thinking, and most importantly, it doesn't matter. You're not going to the gym to be in a fashion show, and those girls don't matter to you.

I know it's easier said than done, but don't let this get you down. It's probably not what you think it was. Get your a$$ back to the gym and screw anybody who you think is looking at you!
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Old 11-26-2010, 05:02 PM   #6
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Gosh, time to get tough!

At 175 you have nothing to be ashamed of. Screw those women. Maybe what you need is a gym that's a "Judgment Free Zone."

In the meantime, think of snappy comebacks, like, "Did you lose your contact lens or are you just rude?" or "Did you come to work out or just laugh at people?" or "Would you repeat what you just said to your friend so that I can hear it, or are you only a coward?" or "Gosh, your body is so slim, but your character really sucks!"

No, really, you can't control how other people behave, but you don't have to shrivel up and slink away and let it rule your world! Stand up for yourself! You have nothing to be ashamed of.

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Old 11-26-2010, 05:14 PM   #7
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There is something wrong with people who would do that to another person. Something wrong with THEM, not you. You did something awesome for yourself, and you have every right to feel awesome. They are the ones that should feel ashamed. They aren't better than you because they are in shape. You ARE better than them because they are simply not nice people. In the end outward beauty will always fade, but a beautiful heart will remain attractive.
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Old 11-26-2010, 05:17 PM   #8
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I guess there are haters everywhere, but don't ever let them beat you with one snide look and (probably) rude comment. Just because they haven't outgrown middle school doesn't mean you need to be there.

Whenever I see people like that, I just tell myself that they'll look kinda stupid making remarks about the size of my butt and thinking that I won't last after they see me work harder and/or longer than they do. They will have to rethink their misconceptions about what you do or don't do.

BTW, congrats on 45 minutes on the elliptical! That was your first chance to show them who's better -- success!

As for what you wear to make your problem areas smaller, IDK. I just wear clothes that won't chafe anywhere.
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Old 11-26-2010, 05:23 PM   #9
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Don't be bothered with anyone's attitude. You are at the gym for you and it doesn't matter one bit what anyone thinks or foolishly says. Just keep your resolve to go to the gym. You will see the results of all your hard work. Hold your head high!
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Old 11-26-2010, 05:27 PM   #10
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Screw those women! You don't go to the gym for them, don't quit because of them. I find people like that simply have very little minds, and you can feel free to pity them because that's all they are worthy of. I don't even know you or them, but that kind of behavior just irritates the crap out of me. Go out with your friend and feel GREAT about the work you did today. You've earned it! Chin-up honey )
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Old 11-26-2010, 05:43 PM   #11
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First off, congrats on the 45 minutes of cardio.

Brush off the two women. They might also be insecure about their bodies and lash out at others because of it. They shouldn't stop you from going to a gym that you paid to go to.

Go out with your friends! It's so much better than staying in and thinking about bad stuff.

As for clothes, I wear a lot of dark colors (blacks, navy blues, and dark purples) and plain white colored workout tops because they hide the sweat better. I sweat a TON when I go to the gym. For the bottom, I think black crops are flattering for all females.

I hope you feel better soon!
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Old 11-26-2010, 05:48 PM   #12
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I'm Sorry this happened. Don't let this stop you from going to the gym. Some people are insensitive and cruel. I just rejoined the gym. Yesterday my sister-in-law took a picture of my fat stomach and showed my husband.
He said something about my stomach being so big. I lost 10 LBs this month which is the best I did all year. I feel so mad after he said that. He is underweight. So I have to deal with cruel and insensitve from my own HUSBAND! Sorry about the rant. But don't give up going to the gym.
Great Workout! Don't cancel your plans with your Friend.
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Old 11-26-2010, 08:29 PM   #13
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Ugh, I am so sorry that happened to you. I seriously HATE when insecure buttrags think that laughing at other people will make them feel better about their sorry, petty lives.

Do NOT let them have even ONE of your tears and certainly don't let them ruin your night out with friends. Once you do that, they have the power. It's not much comfort but the only reason they did that to you is because they are deeply insecure themselves. Confident, happy people do NOT put others down. Misery loves company and the miserable will always want to drag you down with them.

Go back to the gym, do what you want to do. If they look at you again, stare them straight in the eye. Don't shy away, don't back down. You have a right to be there and they do not have the right to belittle you. If it were me I'd tell them that high school was a long time ago and they should move on because acting like a 15 year old girl at 30 is pretty sad.
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Old 11-26-2010, 09:04 PM   #14
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WOW...45 minutes definitely deserves a BIG Congrats!!!

That said, that's why I love running...

it's free...

nothing beats it for cardio and fat burning...

and you don't have to worry about people starring/judging you.

But then again, I'm a bit of a recluse, and highly object to "gyms" because of the competitive nature that it seems to encourage...or maybe it's just the nature of woman..haha!

In any event, if you are serious about your commitment to YOURSELF...don't let anyone or anything stand in the way of reaching your goals. There IS more than one way to skin a cat...so if you can't learn to ignore the looks and stares...then work out at home...but DON'T GIVE UP on yourself!
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Old 11-26-2010, 09:35 PM   #15
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I also am so sorry that this happened to you.

I want you to think about something please. Whatever those women were giggling and whispering about is totally insignificant to you. Don't let anyone else hold your power, ONLY YOU. Do you think that they thought about you for one minute when they left the gym? Highly doubtful. BUT, you are thinking about what they did to you and letting them hold your power. Take it back right now. Hold your head high and don't let two insignificant brats take up one more second of your precious time. Be your own champion. Continue on with what you are doing and feel good in the fact that you will soon look the way you want to and you will still have a lovely heart, something that they may never have.
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