Quick backstory--I've always had a bit of social anxiety. I was that nice, quiet girl who sat in class and the teacher loved to ask questions because I knew all of the answers without trying. I didn't have many (if any) friends, either . Now that I've graduated high school, I'm straight up lazy. I don't want to do anything. I'm turning 19 SOON! Typing it freaks me out, I haven't accomplished anything except graduating high school (and to be honest I barely even did that--I hated school so much I spent half of my school years at home).
A lot of it I've pinned on my weight. In fact, I had so much more confidence when I was thinner...that was when I was like 13, but we'll ignore that. I've lost about 30 pounds in 2 1/2 months but I'm still overweight. I need to apply for a job. I NEED TO GET A JOB. My closest friend has been bothering me about getting a job for months, and I'll do some halfhearted internet searching but not actually plan anything. So here I am, at 3:38AM on a Saturday, and it hit me. I have to get a job. I have to move out of my parents house.
And I have no idea how to do it.
I took a career planning class, where they taught us how to apply for a job and write a resume. I didn't think it was that big of a deal and didn't really absorb much of the information. The day we had to do mock interviews in front of the other students, I purposefully stayed home because I was so nervous about having to talk in front of people. If I couldn't even talk in front of 10 classmates and one of my favorite teachers, how am I going to convince someone to hire me?
Every time I talk to someone new, I worry about how I look. I worry if I'm saying the wrong things, I worry about them judging me on being fat. I'm afraid that even if I do manage to get an interview, I would be a wreck the whole time worrying and bomb the whole thing.
The icing on the cake is, I would probably have to walk to work or at least walk to the bus stop (which is far!) because I need a job to save up for a car. You need a car to get a job but a job to get a car, right? Endless cycle. Since I'm so overweight and out of shape I'm afraid that the long walk might make me extremely exhausted for work since the height of my daily physical activity is washing dishes.
I want to work. I want to be independent. I want to stop worrying about how other people view me, move out of my parent's house, and be my own person...but how?