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My weight is putting my life on hold!

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Old 11-13-2010, 06:49 AM   #1
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Default My weight is putting my life on hold!

Quick backstory--I've always had a bit of social anxiety. I was that nice, quiet girl who sat in class and the teacher loved to ask questions because I knew all of the answers without trying. I didn't have many (if any) friends, either . Now that I've graduated high school, I'm straight up lazy. I don't want to do anything. I'm turning 19 SOON! Typing it freaks me out, I haven't accomplished anything except graduating high school (and to be honest I barely even did that--I hated school so much I spent half of my school years at home).

A lot of it I've pinned on my weight. In fact, I had so much more confidence when I was thinner...that was when I was like 13, but we'll ignore that. I've lost about 30 pounds in 2 1/2 months but I'm still overweight. I need to apply for a job. I NEED TO GET A JOB. My closest friend has been bothering me about getting a job for months, and I'll do some halfhearted internet searching but not actually plan anything. So here I am, at 3:38AM on a Saturday, and it hit me. I have to get a job. I have to move out of my parents house.

And I have no idea how to do it.

I took a career planning class, where they taught us how to apply for a job and write a resume. I didn't think it was that big of a deal and didn't really absorb much of the information. The day we had to do mock interviews in front of the other students, I purposefully stayed home because I was so nervous about having to talk in front of people. If I couldn't even talk in front of 10 classmates and one of my favorite teachers, how am I going to convince someone to hire me?

Every time I talk to someone new, I worry about how I look. I worry if I'm saying the wrong things, I worry about them judging me on being fat. I'm afraid that even if I do manage to get an interview, I would be a wreck the whole time worrying and bomb the whole thing.

The icing on the cake is, I would probably have to walk to work or at least walk to the bus stop (which is far!) because I need a job to save up for a car. You need a car to get a job but a job to get a car, right? Endless cycle. Since I'm so overweight and out of shape I'm afraid that the long walk might make me extremely exhausted for work since the height of my daily physical activity is washing dishes.

I want to work. I want to be independent. I want to stop worrying about how other people view me, move out of my parent's house, and be my own person...but how?
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Old 11-13-2010, 07:31 AM   #2
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This book was transformative for my anxiety:
http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Ac...9651425&sr=8-1
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Old 11-13-2010, 08:00 AM   #3
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It sounds like you have other issues beyond the weight and it's not all because of the weight, in my opinion. I would suggest seeing a psychologist to discuss the social anxiety and watch this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA

You don't have to put your life on hold due to your weight. Life's short!

I would work on exercises that increased your stamina and range of motion before even worrying too much about exercising to lose weight.

But, in my opinion, even more important then your weight is your future! What do you want to do for a living? Do you have any likes or dislikes that might help? Does your future include going to college? You do not need a car to get a job, you need to master public transit, and if that walking is too much, I think I would make taking walks and building stamina a priority so you aren't a prisoner in your house.

These are just my thought about what I think will help. I've weighed more than 255 and it was rough, but when I started at the gym it was to build stamina and range of motion so I could function before I even started on the weight loss.
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Old 11-13-2010, 08:39 AM   #4
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O_____O

Linsy you're like my shorter twin! You've pretty much just described my life story (except you've done a better job at loosing weight than I have !)

I recommend finding some kind of therapist at a youth centre or similar, someone who specialises in anxiety/other youth related issues. It helped me....until I stopped going >_> In fact you've inspired me to call them up again (except, y'know, not at 1am on a saturday night xD)
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Old 11-13-2010, 09:01 AM   #5
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Hey, unfortunately I don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I'm 21, and in the SAME BOAT AS YOU. No job, anxiety, no car, living with parents, all I've accomplished is graduating HS.

Do your best to get things under way now, don't wait until you're my age It just gets worse as time goes on trying to explain why you don't have a car/job/etc, and nobody really takes "anxiety" as an answer anymore these days, or even as part of an answer.
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Old 11-13-2010, 09:01 AM   #6
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Unless your living with your parents is really crappy for some reason you don't have to move out.

The reality is without a college education it's going to be tough to find a job that pays enough to support yourself without roommates or a second job.

I would consider getting your FAFSA filled out, and maybe apply for some student loans, so you can take some college classes 2nd semester and find a part time job.

You could take a couple of classes online if the classroom seems scary, but college classes are way different than high school. Colleges also offer part time work study jobs, would be a good way to dip you toe in that pool. You could also consider moving into the dorm, if you really want out of the house. Living on campus in the dorm, puts you close to class and the possible work study job, so a car wouldn't be as big an issue for awhile.

Not all careers require 4 years of college, cosmetology is usually only about 2. Our local community college is offering a nail tech program that only takes 9 months.

Good luck!
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Old 11-13-2010, 09:16 AM   #7
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oh honey your story is so heartbreaking but you have realised you need help and your doing something about it, just going on a diet is a good start.
Once the weight comes of you will start to feel better in yourself and that will lead to you moving on and starting to do more things like getting a job.
Some theropy is a good idea and go and speak with your doctor maybe he/she can advise on things and maybe you might need some antidepressents or some thing to get you out of this depression (only a maybe i am not a doc)
Good luck honey I hope things get better for you soon
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Old 11-13-2010, 09:50 AM   #8
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my first thought on reading your post is that your 18 (I'm 46), most 18 year olds have not done much more than graduated high school.

you have a big list of To Do's there, if you piggy back them, it's bound to feel super overwhelming. I'd suggest break your goals down and prioritize.

moving out is the longer term goal, because you'll need a job (income), and some amount of savings.

do you have any goals for further education? seriously think about that, it can have a huge impact on your future (and just because you may not have had a stellar record in high school does not mean you can't excel in a program that you're more motivated and interested in)

this could be a good time for you to hunker down at your parents house and build up your physical (and mental) stamina and work on your health. this will improve you self confidence and help you tackle the social issues.

I get really nervous talking in front of groups. and job interviews make most people nervous, believe me. those are things you can work on and practice, and read books and websites to get tips (and ask people you know), talk to counselors about. it's a formulaic process in many ways.

if you need to make your goals small to start off with, that might help. get out every day and walk to the bus stop and back. major congrats on the 30lbs, that's not an easy thing to do, and you did it! I'd love to lose that in such a time.

good luck!!
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Old 11-13-2010, 10:48 AM   #9
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Linsy, you really are not alone. Believe that.

Others here have given good advice so I'll just offer one insight:

Job interviews are usually one on one. In my experience (and I am a lot like you, though 57 years old!), a one on one interaction is much easier than a mock situation where you are being evaluated by a whole group of people, where you are "on display" and in a "performance" situation. In job interviews, the interviewer is often very busy with his or her own day to day stuff. Distracted. Or, focused on what his or her immediate needs are: to get the job filled and get the work done. It's a much more natural setting, and that kind of puts you at ease a little bit. Also, the more one on one, actual interviews you go on, the easier it gets.

I had to change jobs at a time when I was extremely embarrassed about my weight gain, didn't have work clothes that fit, felt terrible, etc. I had no choce, though. And I've survived it. My boss is my age & is as fit and firm as I am not. And very judgmental about weight. Yet I am sure that any problems we have had have not been about my girth.

I know it's hard to imagine, but it won't be the negative experience you are anticipating it will be.

Good luck to you!!! Believe in yourself.
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Old 11-13-2010, 11:15 AM   #10
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Hi Linsy
Yes , you are in a cycle BUT you can change that.
Several posters have given you some great advice!
Fill out your FASFA, talk it over with your parents about staying there until you get out of school. For now, how about going to a trade school? Learn a skill that will let you earn a decent paycheck. You are still young and can always go to a junior college or university down the road. Right now though you need an immediate plan.
Just a side note, I am employed, but went on an interview for a different company a few days ago. My interview was with not one, not two, but three individuals of the company. I hadn't been on an interview in over 12 years...soooooo you can imagine how many butterflies I had in my stomach But, and here's why I mentioned this, I praticed the interview. I gave some real thought on some basic questions so I was ready Did I know what they would be asking? NO. But I went online and just looked at some standard questions that are asked. And even if you don't get the first job, keep trying. Each interview is just a practice session for the next

Another thing, about you thinking they are judging you for being overweight, they might be, but you just have to have some self confidence in yourself dear. You don't have to be cocky, just assured that if they hire you, they WILL be making the right decision!

I hope you get a plan in place Linsy. You sound like a sweet girl that needs a starting point. Best wishes to you

Judy
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Old 11-13-2010, 07:41 PM   #11
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If your parents can afford to support you awhile longer, the suggestions about going for more education are great. How about getting some experience in the real world by volunteering. There will be little to no pressure of an interview because you're offering your time for free. Your local library has probably had its budget cut and is running short staffed and would love to have you volunteer to reshelve books - or whatever they need for a couple hours a day or week. Or the hospital. Or the local food bank. Wash dishes for a soup kitchen. Volunteer at the local elementary school (probably within walking distance). Find something you're interested in and try it out by volunteering. You'll find out if you really like it or not. You'll meet contacts you can use for references for a job. You'll get real life experience you can put on a resume. You'll build up the confidence you get by knowing you can do something and have done something. You can start with a couple of hours and slowly work your way up to full time - something you wouldn't be able to do with a for pay job. Work your way up to being able to walk to the bus stop and back. Then when you're confident enough to apply for a job, you'll have experience, possibly education and be able to physically accommodate it.
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Old 11-13-2010, 07:56 PM   #12
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Losing weight won't necessarily help you to be more confident, so I'd definitely listen to everyone else's suggestions! And a lot of young people are in the same boat as you, just so you know you're not alone in that. It's tough to find a job, even if you are doing everything right, but don't give up hope! I'm 20 and still living with my parents, which I actually think is a good idea when staying in school or just starting to work, because it's easier to save up money that way for when you do eventually move out.

Best of luck to you!
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Old 11-13-2010, 08:16 PM   #13
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Thanks everyone for the great advice.

A few things...I can keep living with my parents, but my mom recently lost her job and we're not in the best boat right now. My plan is to take a year off of school to work and save up for a car and be able to support myself a little bit to take some of the pressure off of her. I would go to school eventually. I have a 5 year old brother that she also needs to support and I feel like since I'm 18 I'm a burden. She doesn't mind, but I do.

I'm glad to hear that interviews aren't as stressful as I've made them out to be. I'm going to visit a friend in Pennsylvania in the beginning of December but I'm thinking that I'll apply for some jobs as soon as I get back...I still don't know how to do that though, LOL. I guess I'll research it.
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Old 11-13-2010, 09:08 PM   #14
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Linsy If you're feeling like a burden to your mom (which I'm sure you're not!), maybe you could try doing some more things around the house to make yourself feel more useful? Not saying that you don't already, but I have younger siblings too and it always feels like I'm making a contribution when I help take care of them, or when I help with laundry, food preparation, cleaning the house, etc. Helping to support your household doesn't have to just be about money. *hug*
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Old 11-13-2010, 10:42 PM   #15
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So you have a little brother, means you have some ex with little kids. Check with local daycares, preschools and elementary schools and see if they need any help.

Nursing homes and hospitals almost always need housekeeping and kitchen staff. A lot of large places like Wal-mart, target, big chain groceries, have overnight staff that stock shelves, etc.

Check the local paper, check in with businesses, go to the employment office, ask friends and other family if they know of anything. Do some evening babysitting at home, scoop snow, mow lawns, clean houses, walk dogs, etc.
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