Is anyone else battling an unsupportive family? My whole family is heavily invested in weight and/or food on both sides. Probably why I developed such a problem with it! My mum is a yo-yo dieter, and if she is "on a diet" then she thinks and talks about food all day long, the minute you clear a meal she wants to know what you are having for the next one. She obsessively feeds us food that she would like to have, and gets upset if we don't eat it, even if she didn't ask us about getting it. She associates "treat" with food always. You are coming to visit thus I must buy ice-cream and you must eat it all because I refuse to put it back in my freezer (for secret fear she will eat it all even though she is diabetic). My FIL hated my husband's previous girlfriend "because she picked at her food" (sure there were other reasons, but this is the one that has stuck in his mind), and one of his favourite things about me was a healthy appetite, as he calls it, so it's a lot of pressure to please when we visit by eating. He scoffs at diets so there's no point telling him I am on a diet. If I tell my mum I am dieting she just reassures me that all the food is fine then shuts me out of the kitchen to add oil because she's "not cooking it all farty" in her own house. My husband is really really tall, so he can eat so much more than me without putting on weight.
Christmas is looming with its compulsory family visits and strong association with high food consumption. I don't even like Christmas food, but it's a social requirement to be seen to eat it, drives me barmy. I want to see my family, of course, but talking to them about it has been a roaring failure so far. They are all in denial that they need to lose weight, or are 70+ and reckon they are going to die soon anyway, thin or fat, so it doesn't matter.
Any tips for families like this? And for the financial disappointment of having to go out for a meal and spend money on a giant dish of stuff you know you are never going to be able to eat all of it? They like to go to "all you can eat" and consider it a bit insulting if they spend their money and you eat only a small amount. Other than a battering ram anything to offer? Thanks.
I think the best thing to do is put your foot down-- at least in your case. Bring your own food over their house or just flat out refuse to talk about or eat her food if it's not doing you any good. Do it for your own health, not their "Respect" (comfortableness with you not being *too* different). This is all something I have to remind myself of too, and my WL journey is just beginning!
My parents were always supportive (and even nagging) by word, but their actions said differently. My mom is a compulsive feeder. I had to point out to her that she would chastise me for having a "fatty" hotdog for lunch before I came, right after she'd fed me a whopping dinner of cheese grits, mini burgers, fries, and cupcakes for dessert. And she'd whine if I didn't have seconds because "I made it just for you!"
Honestly, the fact that you can recognize that these behaviors aren't natural and aren't healthy is a huge credit to you
At the end of the day, you've got to put your foot down and do what's best for yourself. Your family doesn't have to like it (and they probably won't), but what you decide to eat is no one's business but your own.
If you're comfortable eating smaller portions of their "special" foods, that's fine; if not, bringing a healthier dish for yourself can work too.
I agree with the others. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down. Instead of telling them you're on a diet, tell them you are changing the way you eat to become healthier, NOT a diet. A diet is something you'll eventually stop, a healthy lifestyle is something that goes on and on.
My family is BIIIIIG on the buffets. When I was younger, they'd get offended and make comments like, "Well damn, we could've saved the money and just let you piece off of our plate!" Then I'd go up and eat more and, no joke, they'd sit there and make oinking noises at me. Yeeahhh... Finally I just started hitting up the salad bar. I'd eat a big salad without all the cheese and croutons, heavy dressing etc..., then go back up for a bowl of soup or an "entree" then go get another plate of fresh fruit. That way it looks like you're eating a lot, but you're making all healthy choices. If they want to stuff multiple plates of fried, gravy-covered food in their gobs, let them. It's YOUR body, YOUR choice.
How old are you? Maybe you could start offering to cook dinner. My all-time favorite cook book is the Biggest Loser Family Cookbook. They have ALL KINDS of delicious, HEALTHY recipes that are based off of classic family yummies like meatball subs, chicken Parmesan and even ice creams. In fact, tonight I'm making their Swedish meatball recipe for my family. If she won't let you, use portion control and eat more of the veggies. My rule is healthy veggies should account for at least half of my plate, starch 1/4, entree/meat 1/4.
I've had this sort of thing with my in-laws for years. I can't explain anything to them without it becoming a fight (because my MIL, bless her heart, is an expert in all things food). I have the following strategies:
Make sure there's something you can eat on your plan, even if you have to bring it yourself. If there's a possibility that there won't be something, eat a bit before you come so you won't be tempted.
Fill your plate with mostly the on-plan stuff, and only a smidgen of off-plan stuff to be polite.
Avoid eating the off-plan stuff, but move it around as if you've eaten some (learned from my six-year-old... if the conversation is going strong, nobody will notice!)
Compliment the cook on the food, especially the on-plan stuff. This satisfies them that you enjoyed their offering, and encourages them to provide more on-plan food next time.
When offered more, smile and say "no thank you, I couldn't eat another thing!" Or "I'm too full right now... maybe later?". Patting your tummy while you smile is optional. Make sure "later" never comes
Avoid ALL talk of diet, food choices, etc. Change the subject. Focus on small-talk. Make your choices and eating look as natural as possible. Don't draw attention to your choices (or your lack of eating something). Avoid "I can't eat that" sort of talk.
How about a wheat allergy - that would get you out of desserts, bread, pasta, etc. And maybe you blood sugar was up the last time the doctor checked.... Sometimes a while lie is necessary.
Here one I haven't seen mentioned yet though -- combine occassions. I don't know if this applies to you.
If there is any way to do a combo visit (xmas + dec bday on same day) rather than two separate (xmas and bday) things, you've rid yourself of one half the party food pressure.
Our fam has a LOT of bdays so we started doing them by the month in one go. "All the Nov bdays" or "all the Dec bdays" rather than several weekends in a row.
Maybe you don't have to lie. How overweight are you? Has your doctor told you that you should lose weight? If you don't have diabetes and are obese, you're putting yourself at risk for it. If someone offers you something, say your doctor is making you watch what you eat, or you could get diabetes. Look like you reeeeally want some. Take a tiny, tiny slice/piece and tell them how good it is. Nobody is going to say "No, I want you to get diabetes, eat this!" and if anything they'll feel guilty. As for the buffet--yeah! Load up on the low-calorie greens. Get the smaller plates and get two at a time with the stuff spread out onto the plates. Get a variety of foods and have them in their own neat little piles, not touching. It'll seem like you're eating, but you don't have to.
If you can't or don't want to do that, claiming food poisoning is always safe. Or nausea, or a 24-hour stomach virus. If they somehow force you to eat, excuse yourself to the bathroom and make incredibly loud vomiting noises. Trust me, they won't ask you to eat any more! :P
. If someone offers you something, say your doctor is making you watch what you eat, or you could get diabetes. Look like you reeeeally want some. Take a tiny, tiny slice/piece and tell them how good it is. Nobody is going to say "No, I want you to get diabetes, eat this!"
Not quite, but my mum could do a serious lecture on how diabetes is not a real thing and hers was going to happen anyway and it's nothing to do with her weight and they shouldn't have diagnosed her anyway because her readings were not high enough for the old threshold they had before this current one (not sure what that is to do with anything!) and then be angry that she can't control her eating when she is diabetic.
The trickiest one is when people are not allowing you to know what has gone into the food. If you have someone disappear into the kitchen and make you "potatoes" you have no idea if it's potatoes alone or potatoes in cream and butter, so deciding a portion size is tricky. Even vegetables can come out swimming in fats, and my mum's biggest thing is to allow herself fats because if it's oil it is "healhty fat". If I say I am cutting down on anything I get sunflower oil instead! The thing she doens't ever seem to appreciate is that I actively dislike visible fat in all forms, so changing something from swimming in animal grease to swimming in olive oil grease does not decrease how much I don't want any, even before you bring in the health angle.
Is there anything to be done but bring your own food (tricky since we go for 2 weeks!) if someone is not only going to hide in the kitchen and lard up your food but be in denial/lie about what they put in there if you ask them? She can kid herself there's about 2oz in a teaspoon when she wants to, and tell you it's "the tiniest bit" of oil. If I can see it with my own eyes then it's not a tiny bit!
Unsupportive families
anything to offer? Thanks.
