I woke up this morning and weighed myself (check-in day) and was proud of myself for having lost another kilogram (2.2lbs) this week. I have been stressing that my weight loss was starting to slow down but I was wrong. On average, it has been about 1 kilogram per week which I am very happy about.
I have decided to invest in some proper running shoes and went on a mission to find a pair today. I was feeling pretty good about myself regarding the total amount of weight I have lost overall and the fact that others are starting to comment positively on the results also. When I went to the first shop (which was a well known sports shoe shop) I was appalled at how the staff were behaving. I went straight to the running shoe section and was standing there for a while before anyone said anything to me. There were no other customers in the shop. Finally a very young female staff member came over, said hello and walked away immediately. She went back to standing around with the rest of the staff making fun of customers as they walked past outside the shop. I again stood there for another 5 mins or so looking over the shoes and no one came to ask if I needed any help. I decided to leave and when I did I heard them all laughing as I walked out.
I am not sure what they were laughing at, whether it was me or someone else. Sadly, it made me feel more self-conscious about my weight and I felt like they were wondering what a big person like me was doing in a shop like that. I know that I am not the picture of fitness, however, at least I am doing something about it.
I ended up going to another smaller shop where a male staff member came and helped me pick out some shoes. Initially he also looked at me a bit funny when I mentioned I wanted them for running, but I said I was just starting out and he was a lot more helpful after that. I did buy those ones.
I find it sad, that no matter how hard I have worked to get where I am, simple comments, sniggers etc can bring me back to reality and make me feel like none of it was worth it.
Does anyone else feel like this? I wish I wasn't this way but I am. My husband tells me not to worry about what happened and he thinks I look great. However, I have very low self confidence and when things like this happen it just makes it worse.
On a happier note, I did go clothes shopping and was really ecstatic about being able to buy clothes in the 'normal' size range instead of the plus sizes!!!!!
Last edited by irishaussie; 09-25-2010 at 05:10 AM.
Reason: spelling mistake
My bloosoming self confidence can be shattered easily these days. You know what you are doing and you feel so good about it but people an be so snarky and it doesn't take much to crush my spirits. I am sorry this happened to you but I am telling you as I have to tell myself. " you are doing this for you! Not someone else and if they are snarky, their problem not yours!
Well done for persisting until you found a civilized salesman!
At the minute I'm working really hard on confidence in shops.
I'm researching a new mobile phone at the minute and the difference in attitudes in the various providers' shops is amazing! A bit like you and your shoes, when I start talking, I can just about see "middle aged old F.rt" in a thought bubble above these young men's heads. By the time I've asked all the questions I have and demonstrated my knowledge of handsets, tariffs and future developments, they begin to treat me better. Well, except for one store, ironically my current provider, who are as rude in person as they are on the phone.
I'm also actively going into shops where the clothes are only just big enough for me. I start in the jewellery/handbag/scarf sections and then work up to handling the clothes. I'm tackling the confidence issue kind of like I have been doing the weightloss - practising and plodding!
You need to stop assuming that the first store was about you. Write that one off as the stereotypical lazy group of retail associates and go on with your life. Chances are, it was giggles about something that one of them did last night.
Are you sure the guy at the 2nd place *really* looked at you funny, or was he thinking of which shoe was a better choice for you? You were already a little uncomfortable based upon your first experience, and it's easy to be defensive under those circumstance. (Goodness knows I'm the queen of being needlessly defensive...I didn't buy the t-shirt, I took the time to design and make it.)
I agree with AZ. The first shop was probably just being typical young adults and gossiping about their night, men, etc. However, if you are positive they were talking about you and being rude, I would call the store and ask to speak with a manager because that is wildly inappropriate and rude, no less, for workers to be making fun of customers.
I think with the second store you were probably feeling a little bit down about yourself and were maybe making more out of his look than what was really there.
After all of that being said, I know I would probably feel the same as you. There are always going to be people who will judge you, no matter what the weight. When you're overweight it's easy for people to pick that to be rude about. Men will be rude, women will be rude, people are just rude! When you lose weight, men probably won't be as rude but women will still be rude. I've noticed as I've gotten smaller that male attention has gone from negative to positive, and female attention has gone from neutral to VERY negative. I think that people (generalized other) want to make themselves feel better by looking at someone else and saying, "well, at least I'm not like THAT!" If it's not because you're overweight, it's because of something else.
Anyways, my point is that people will be rude no matter what. I'm sure you're beautiful inside and out (and I bet your husband agrees! ) focus on making changes to better your life and family and try not to focus on the opinion of others. We put so much of our self worth in the hands of strangers but every night when you go home, you're the one who's looking into the mirror. Your husband is the one who is laying in bed next to you. Your best friend is the one you call when you want to share good news. Your family and friends are there for you through thick and thin. If anything they are the ones we should want to impress! That's what makes family and true friends so amazing, though - they love you no matter what, and all they want is for you to be happy. Focus on making YOU happy because you deserve it.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr Seuss
Thanks for all of your replies. I do agree that maybe I was already on edge by the time I arrived at the second shop. In the end I got my shoes and that's all that matters.
ROSINANTE: I agree about sales staff having pre-conceived ideas about people. While I was in the sports shop there was a older man (about 60) asking another young sales person about buying a surf board and which one was the best one to get. I think the salesperson seemed to talk down to him initially, but after the customer started asking questions, the salesperson realised that the guy knew what he was talking about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeSpirit
After all of that being said, I know I would probably feel the same as you. There are always going to be people who will judge you, no matter what the weight. When you're overweight it's easy for people to pick that to be rude about. Men will be rude, women will be rude, people are just rude! When you lose weight, men probably won't be as rude but women will still be rude. I've noticed as I've gotten smaller that male attention has gone from negative to positive, and female attention has gone from neutral to VERY negative. I think that people (generalized other) want to make themselves feel better by looking at someone else and saying, "well, at least I'm not like THAT!" If it's not because you're overweight, it's because of something else.
Anyways, my point is that people will be rude no matter what. I'm sure you're beautiful inside and out (and I bet your husband agrees! ) focus on making changes to better your life and family and try not to focus on the opinion of others. We put so much of our self worth in the hands of strangers but every night when you go home, you're the one who's looking into the mirror. Your husband is the one who is laying in bed next to you. Your best friend is the one you call when you want to share good news. Your family and friends are there for you through thick and thin. If anything they are the ones we should want to impress! That's what makes family and true friends so amazing, though - they love you no matter what, and all they want is for you to be happy. Focus on making YOU happy because you deserve it.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr Seuss
Freespirit: I really liked this and completely agree with it. Now I just have to follow through with it!!!!
I do think that you may have been a wee bit oversensitive about the people at the store you initially went to- they may have been poor salespeople, but just because they are young/slimmer than you, it doesn't mean that they are paying any attention to it.
Today, me and two close friends went to try a new gym together. We did a spin class, and then spent about an hour or so doing weight training. We are all in the late teens/early twenties and about 24/25 on the bmi scale. We aren't modelesque, but we aren't incredibly overweight either. We were getting dressed in the locker room, and we were laughing about something or other. We were trying to keep quiet, so we may have seemed like we were trying to hide something. We were approached by a very angry woman between 50 and 60 who told us that "someday we will look just like her!"
The truth is that we hadn't even noticed her, and she was on the other side of a row of lockers, so we couldn't even see her to comment. We were much too involved with our own stuff to pay much attention to anyone else- we start classes tomorrow, we all have boyfriends, and we all have jobs. We have a lot to laugh about, and we are pretty oblivious to the weight thing. Believe me, as a woman who has struggled with her weight in the past, weight is the last thing I would judge anyone about, and my friends have each lost over 50lbs.
I have been seeing a lot of people lately in shops just standing around and not doing anything. I have gone shopping and not been helped. Asked for help, been ignored. One store, (with about 5 customers in the whole place) the desk clerk made an announcement asking an "associate" to assist me. No one showed up. I asked to see the manager. Took her 5 minutes to come. I explained the situation. I said, "if you or anyone else here loses your job for low sales, you now know why. I will NOT shop here again." and I haven't. It happens a lot. Retail jobs are not wonderful, and people just lose interest sometimes. I have been paying a bit more some places, but service does matter to me.
As someone who works in retail, I know how it is - I am not defending these people at all, if it is true that they were laughing at you then it's horrible. The unattentiveness however, is just poor form.
I'm glad you finally got someone who obviously knew how to do their job, even if they were seemingly a little judgemental at first - I know that days working retail are long and sometimes boring, but it's usually helping a customer out that makes it worth working there - at least for people of my age who are in the job as a choice and not just a weekend/holiday job because they want extra cash.
I think I rambled and didn't make much sense sorry! Also congrats on your loss so far! 11kg is awesome
My shopping experience
You need to stop assuming that the first store was about you. Write that one off as the stereotypical lazy group of retail associates and go on with your life. Chances are, it was giggles about something that one of them did last night.
When you lose weight, men probably won't be as rude but women will still be rude. I've noticed as I've gotten smaller that male attention has gone from negative to positive, and female attention has gone from neutral to VERY negative. I think that people (generalized other) want to make themselves feel better by looking at someone else and saying, "well, at least I'm not like THAT!" If it's not because you're overweight, it's because of something else. 
) focus on making changes to better your life and family and try not to focus on the opinion of others. We put so much of our self worth in the hands of strangers but every night when you go home, you're the one who's looking into the mirror. Your husband is the one who is laying in bed next to you. Your best friend is the one you call when you want to share good news. Your family and friends are there for you through thick and thin. If anything they are the ones we should want to impress! That's what makes family and true friends so amazing, though - they love you no matter what, and all they want is for you to be happy. Focus on making YOU happy because you deserve it.
