I'm sorry, chickies. I feel like such a loser. I know everyone out there is doing much better and complaining much less than I.
I just seem to have lost the "how." I know what it boils down to: you must burn more than you take in. It's so mind-numbingly simple. It should be so blastedly easy. But it's just...not.
I just keep eating. And any time I spend not eating are moments spent planning what I'll be eating, or wishing I was eating, or what have you.
I had the knack of this, once. Now I feel like I don't have control of ANYTHING. It's driving me insane how completely incapable I've become in regards to weight loss.
I really am not sure where my commitment went. I have TONS of motivation...usually it comes up right after I've binged on something, right before bed. You know, that sort of spur-of-the-moment motivation that's like "Well, TOMORROW I'm going to DO THIS!" and leads to nothing but more failure. My commitment, however, the thing that actually involves me just DOING it...well, that seems to have died. And I can't even find where it was buried to resurrect it.
It's just so stupid. I'm so close to goal. If I was really doing well, I could easily be AT goal in less than a year. But I just keep screwing it up, keep having to put it off 'til tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow. And so I've gained weight, instead.
Ugh, I'm just so lost and confused and upset. I know that's nothing new for most of us. I know it's just all part of the journey. I just feel absolutely useless.
I can't even control my own body.
Anyway, thanks for reading the whiny rant.