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This is Not a Rant, It's a Sob...Terribly Discouraged

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Old 08-04-2010, 07:23 PM   #1
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Default This is Not a Rant, It's a Sob...Terribly Discouraged

I came to the conclusion today that I hate my body. I actually hate this thing that I've worked my you-know-what off for. I feel so down and discouraged and helpless (and yes, perhaps dramatic).

I tried on lingerie. Again.

How many attempts will it take for me to learn and understand that no amount of black lace, ribbons, bows or satin will make all this sagging, floppy, empty skin sexy? The best I could hope for is to find something to lessen my repulsiveness. Sure, in jeans and a t-shirt I look okay....but put me in a baby doll and it's nothing but arm pit fat and stretch marks and the most pathetic boobs you've ever seen.

How is it possible that I was sexier fat? I posted on someone elses thread today and encouraged her to have confidence, be bold, flaunt it! And here I am, whimpering and feeling downright sorry for myself over my own naked (or scantily clad) self. What a freakin' hypocrite.

I'm sorry guys. I'm the most annoying 3FC member ever. I'm up, I'm down. I'm ok...then I'm definitely not. I guess I just had my hopes up so high for weight loss and what my body would be like afterwards...it was inevitable that I would be crushed.

I had my heart set on surprising my boyfriend this weekend with some sexy lingerie...light some candles...do other random sexy vixen-ish things. I was so excited and nervous. Now I just feel deflated. Who am I kidding?
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Old 08-04-2010, 08:07 PM   #2
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Unhappy Way too harsh! Poor thing!

Let me ask you something:

If another gril on this forum were saying such negative things about herself you'd probably be able to say 10 positive things about her and tell her a bunch of reasons why her negative thinking isn't true-right?

Well-do that for yourself. You're being way too hard on yourself.

It sounds like you feel completely overwhelmed and sad. Maybe you had an expectation in your mind of how you thought things would be after losing weight and it just isn't measuring up to how you dreampt it would be.

Take heart! You're a person. You're way more then the skin and bones and body that you feel trapped in.

The bigger question is what is really hurting you? I think you'll find some unrealistic woman starring back at you. Drop her. Accept yourself. You did a wonderful job losing the weight and maybe you have some saggy skin because of it. Maybe you can find a way to help your body to tone up or even find out about skin removal, but don't try to make yourself into that unrealistic "perfect" you.

Believe me I've met my dream me and she's just too much unreal. I was putting so much pressure on myself to fit into what I dreamed I'd look like after I lost my weight. It was my husband who brought me a picture one day of myself a few years back and said how great I looked and how I didn't need to be that person I talk about I just need to be the healthy happy me that he loves. Wow what an eye opener. Forget the idea of perfection. I know I learned it the hard way, but thank goodness I came to the realization: I'll take the real me over the dream me anyday!

And for what its worth I think you are wonderful. I am proud of you and after all this hard work I'd hate to see you beat yourself up. Take heart.

Poor girl. You're just being too hard on yourself.
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Old 08-04-2010, 08:12 PM   #3
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This is the price we pay for being overweight. However, it can take up to a year for the skin to shrink completely so give it time. You have to love yourself the way you are if you want to be confident and successful at maintaining.
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Old 08-04-2010, 08:12 PM   #4
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Your not the worst 3FCer, a lot of us are on a rollercoaster here. I totally am, weight loss or not.... I think its a human thing, we are just like that.

I'm sorry your feeling so down right now.
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Old 08-04-2010, 08:33 PM   #5
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I'm at that age 60, where everything has headed south! Talk about droop and sag! But I remember when I was in my 20's and 30's the least inperfection was THE END OF THE EARTH for me. I never liked seeing myself in a bikini but do you know what? I found some old photos last Christmas of when I was on a trip around Canada in 1971 and even if I say so myself, I was a little cracker in my bikini and no one else noticed the lose skin here and there
We all feel bad about lose skin but it takes many months for it to shrink. For all the negative things you feel about yourself there are 10 possitive ones. Imagine you met someone on the bus who was so very unhappy about themselves, you would take every bad point they mentioned and say something good.
Make a list of all the things you think are bad about yourself and then take each one in turn and write something good about it.
At the end of the day, outer appearances are just the envelope, the letter iside is much more interesting.
And what right do you have to step into the 'most annoying person on 3FC'? I've booked that place for myself
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Old 08-04-2010, 08:34 PM   #6
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Some other people here have really good emotional advice. Can I give some practical advice? Don't try on lingerie in a department store under horrible lighting. Take it home, turn off the lights, light the candles, and THEN look in the mirror. There's a reason candlelight is sexy. It forgives everything.

Also, men see the good stuff. They don't multi-task well. Once they find something they like looking at, they stop there.
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Old 08-04-2010, 08:39 PM   #7
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sexy is all about attitude. and some days, we just don't have it. you are beautiful, intelligent, self aware and so supportive of others. you're having a bad day, and that sucks but it's ok. give yourself a break, be proud of your accomplishments, and do whatever feels good today. if it's jeans and a t-shirt that make you feel comfortable, ok. tomorrow you may feel more up to it. and don't feel bad about using this forum to share your feelings- that's what it (we) are here for, and we have ALL felt this way (not to speak for everyone, but we are all here because we want to make changes and that doesn't come without expectations and disappointments, along with the pride.)

there's no perfect. i hope tomorrow you feel better and sexier in your smokin' lingerie! i wish i had someone to wear lingerie for, because i just broke up with someone who wasn't supportive. i'm trying not to assume that he would have been more supportive if i had been more perfect. that's his problem.

actually, thank you for posting this, though i am so sorry that you are feeling this way today. it was brave, and i think a lot of us can relate. we are our own worst critics. but we know you are beautiful AND sexxxy!!
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Old 08-04-2010, 08:44 PM   #8
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All of the other posters did such an amazing job saying what I would have said, that I just have one more thing to add. I have tons of loose skin and stretch marks. I don't know if we can post links, but go to the Fredericks of Hollywood website and look for the Parisian Lace Corset. I feel AMAZING in it. There's tons of sexy corsets and lingerie on there that will cover your uncomfortable parts and flaunt the ones you love.

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Old 08-04-2010, 08:48 PM   #9
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I agree. The lighting is HORRIBLE in those places. But in soft candlelight it will soften all those imperfections. PLUS, do you really believe that your bf is going to be staring at all those things, or is he going to think you are the most beautiful woman on earth? And you can make him believe it if you make yourself believe it.
And honestly, lingerie isn't the only thing that can make you feel sexy. Sometimes (sorry if this is an overshare) I just wear a cute little tanktop with some little underwear or shorts. Then you are covered, but its still sexy.
I'm sure when I lose the weight I will go through this myself. But, I also love who I am. And I think EVERY woman has to learn to do that, even the ones with the perfect bodies, or else they would be the same way only seeing the imperfections.
Start out with finding one thing about yourself that you LOVE and flaunt it.
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Old 08-04-2010, 08:58 PM   #10
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I want to echo what PinkHoodie says. I tried to go the whole "sexy lingerie" route, but honestly, my man (at the time) found it kind of intimidating.....all that lace and see-through stuff was a big thing for him to live up to. He honestly was happier when I went with a slim-fitting tank and some little shorts or undies. If the tank is made of silk, that's cool, too.

You're not a bad 3FC member--you're just riding the roller coaster of emotions right now, trying to figure out who you are and how to work this new, slim body. Give yourself a break. My guess is that the only thing your man will be seeing is that you're wearing something skimpy and he's going to get to take it off you and see a nekkid girl. And candles--yeah. Do the candles.
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Old 08-04-2010, 09:01 PM   #11
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Would you say these things about someone else ? I don't think you would. Try being as kind to yurself as you would to someone else.
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Old 08-04-2010, 09:10 PM   #12
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You should be proud of your hard work. Plus your boyfriend is not worrying about what you are worrying about. I just had a similar issue with thong underwear and my boyfriend wants me to wear it and I was like why do you want to see this fat butt in a thong. He said it's because it's sexy. Obviously we are not looking at the same but thats the point. Your boyfriend loves you no matter what!

Everyone has down days myself included, just don't let them take over.
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Old 08-04-2010, 09:27 PM   #13
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Your body isn't the one you've been used to. It may appear "better" than your old one to everyone but you, but it's like getting a new car and having to get used to all the knobs and buttons being in different places than you're used to. It's awkward, it's even intimidating.

I was so confident at my highest weight (when I was dating my husband and into the early years of our marriage), that I wasn't prepared for aging and dieting to throw off that confidence. I thought if I could be confident naked at 394 lbs, then 309 should be easier (not) and 150 will be perfect (I bet not, either).


My hair is thinning at the crown (only I notice it, so far - but I'm far more self-conscious than I would have expected). I had to have a tumor (luckily benign scar tissue) removed from one breast - which now looks like a volcano when I lie on my back. I've got batwings and my skin is starting to get "crepey" on my hands. The rosacea on my face has started to create some scarring. I don't entirely lack body confidence, but it's definitely disconcerting to find myself in a body I don't always recognize. As soon as I get comfortable, it seems something else changes.

If you were confident at your higher weight, I think you'll regain that confidence as you get aquainted with your new body. Until it's familiar, I think it's going to take a little work. Fake it 'til you make it.

Nothing builds confidence like successfully faking it. When you act confident, and are rewarded for it, or even just "get away with it," it boosts the real confidence, even if only a little. Eventually the "faking" becomes unnecessary.

That's my theory and I'm stickin' to it (it's worked pretty well so far).
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Old 08-04-2010, 10:02 PM   #14
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Really? The most annoying 3FC member ever? Have you been reading my posts lately? Seriously though, I feel your pain. Doing all this work and not having all your troubles and insecurities disappear really sucks. Not feel that you have the best body you can, feeling like that extra weight ruined your body by stretching it out. I totally get it, look back at some of my posts lately and you'll see the same disappointment.

On the other hand, I've been doing ALOT of soul searching lately and realizing that even if I'd never gained the weight there'd always be something I'd want to change or *fix* about my body, it would never be perfect because no one has a perfect body. This is the new body I have now and I have to wear what flatters it. So if that means no low rise jeans or sexy undies for me, well the so be it. If we can't accept it we can always go back to being fat right? I know for me personally this saggy stretched marked body is better than that one any day. And I have to say everyday it looks a little better and whether that's a mental thing or just time actually tightening things up a little I don't know, but does it really matter? Anyone you meet who is worth knowing is going to accept you for you and not the package you came in. Hugs, I hope you can work through it, I know how tough it is.
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Old 08-04-2010, 10:10 PM   #15
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I can relate, as I am sure a lot of us here can. You have done such an amazing job and you are so pretty. I know how easy it is to tell others to not be down on themselves and all but not so easy to follow your own advice but I will encourage you all the same to do just that
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