I can totally relate. Even though I have a lot of work to do before I get close to goal, I have stretch marks, and areas of skin that I am not sure what will happen there as I reach goal. These things are always in the background in my mind.
I try to visualize a couple of things to help me when thinking about these things. One is using candlelight. Another is trying to experiment with different kinds of clothes, like different styles of lingerie or a tank set, to see what can help to cover some things and hold other things in place. Another is, I try to think about what I will feel like much later in life, when the simple act of growing older will have changed things, and using that perspective I try to look back at the now and think about what the me then will think about what I have now, and how it's probably pretty great. I also try to remember that attitude and confidence make all the difference.
Having said all of that, I also know how hard it is to take that advice, and how some days none of it matters or can erase the feeling of frustration or sadness about damage that has occurred. So again, I can relate. But remember that you look wonderful and you've accomplished something important. And try not to let the self-doubt rob you of all the amazing experiences you can have.
You just had one of those days when things didn't work. I say don't ditch that plan you had for your boyfriend, because he will seriously love every minute of it. Just choose something that you feel the most confident in and go for it.
Few of us on this forum are going to end up looking like our favorite role model. I recently read that Cindy Crawford said that even she didn't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford! That really says it all that what we see is seldom reality. Being yourself is really and truly just fine.
When I start to feel the way you do, I try to step back and look at things differently.
I try to feel grateful for my body. It serves me well. My heart works, my lungs work, my brain works, I am free of disease, I can see, I can hear, I can walk, I can dance, I can laugh. There are plenty of people who can't say that. If I don't fit into a standard size and don't meet society's idea of beautiful - oh well.
There is so much emphasis on the outside of us, what about the inside? I think the price we pay for feeling down about ourselves is way worse than not looking perfect in some lingerie.
Last edited by doingmybest; 08-05-2010 at 12:53 AM.
At home, by candle light (or even in the store with ugly bright lights) your BF isn't going to be noticing the sags and stretch marks. He's going to be thinking "OMG there's an amazing scantily clad woman in the room with me and she wants to do sexy vixenish things to me!!!" I think seeing his appreciation should help your confidence.
Thanks so much girls. Each and every response was so lovely and thoughtful and helped so much. The support here blows my mind. I was in such a bad place last night. I feel a little better today and I'm going to try again this evening...surely there is something out there that would work...
I think one of the problems was that when I tried on the corset, the lady raved about how flattering it was, how it made everyone look good, how everyone loved it, etc, etc. It reeeallly set me up for disappointment. It did NOT look good on me! I'm disappointed about that because the boyfriend has mentioned before that he thinks the stockings and corset look is hot...
So, I'm going to try some other places tonight and try desperately to keep my spirits up and not be so critical of myself...wish me luck! And thanks again!
So, this supposedly unflattering look at yourself in sexy underwear TOOK PLACE IN THE STORE????? With those stupid lights and the stuffy booth and a sales lady cooing right outside the door?????
Good grief. Even *I* wouldn't look good in a corset under those circumstances.
And trust me. I look good in a corset.
You march right back to that store, missy and buy. that. corset. And tonight (as a practice run) after the sun goes down, sneak into your bathroom and light two candles and climb into that corset.
And then you let your hair down and raise your arms above your head and let one hand caress the other. Then cock your head and one hip and smile a little *come-hither* smile and I double damn-tee guarantee you that you will look stunning.
Better than me, probably. And that's saying something.
Ever since childhood I've hated my body.
That's 6+ years that I've truly hated my
body. Now I finally love myself. Trust me,
your day will come when you say, "You
know what? Life truly IS too short to keep
hating myself." Hang in there.
We are so much more critical of ourselves than our men are. I'll bet you look great - I know you don't feel it but remember we who struggle with weight don't have realistic body images to begin with. 20 years from now if you looked at a picture of yourself in this lingerie you think looks terrible you would probably think you look hot!!! I speak from experience!
Men do not look at our bodies the way we do. You boyfriend will love that you are giving him the look he says is hot! Just go for it and go back and buy the outfit. I agree with others that candlelight and your man's love will make it all better.
We can be so hard on ourselves! This is not surprising given the constant images of "beauty" we are bombarded with every minute of the day I agree 100% with JoJo. I always think I look terrible and then years pass and I see a picture of my younger self and I shake my head and wonder what my problem was....I usually look so much better than I remember feeling at the time. My motto regarding my body is youth is wasted on the young....I never appreciated what I had as a young woman. Now in my 40's I vowed to appreciate whatever stage my body is currently at. It ain't easy to do everyday but I try to keep the internal messages positive. I also love lingerie but I choose carefully. It is like any clothing, you gotta try on all sorts of styles to find the fit for you. I don't examine myself in the mirror either. I do a 5 second glance and then turn away and decide if I felt sexy. In the end my hubby is only going to see it on me for a few seconds anyway.
Please be kind to yourself, you have done an amazing thing by deciding to lead a healthy life!
Corsets are hard...honestly, they just push the fat down and out or up and out. What other things does he find sexy? Maybe start with something that isn't so unforgiving. Or find what it is about the corset that looks bad. Not long enough? Too tight? Maybe find one that has a bit more stretch to it? I hope you can find something that works for you though. I am more of a believer that lingerie is meant for the woman! LOL. Because men don't care about it. I just think its more designed to help the woman get in the mood....Good luck to you!
buy it try it at home like Hiya said try it on at home with candle light and test run it and if you still don't find yourself dazzling exchange it for something else. i guarantee you your BF will NEVER see the flaws that you see. We are our own worst critic. It will be the thought and the vavavoom girlfriend that he'll appreciate.
I love lingerie so much I wear it EVERYNIGHT to bed. My pajamas are the babydolls silky lingerie. and hubby LOVES it. even at my size. It's a self confidence thing for me lol. I've worn lingerie to bed since I was 16 haha. I think it helps me sleep better and it just feels darn good! Not exactly talking about lace teddys or Corsets or anything like that but short silky gowns or long ones with spaghetti straps and such. Shoot my kids are even used to it. I'm not exactly mooning anyone in the house but I am VERY comfortable at home
Oh, man, who doesn't hate what they see in dressing rooms, with their horrible lighting and weird mirrors? It was all I could do to try on swimsuits the other day in preparation for a cruise. I so often come away from dressing rooms with a sinking feeling inside.
Dressing rooms lie. That's all there is to it. None of us is perfect, but none of us looks in reality like we do in dressing rooms, either.
You're trying on the wrong stuff.
What do you love about yourself? Do you love your legs? Are your boobs amazing? Is your waist super thin? SOMETHING on your body must make you feel good about yourself.
Find something that flatters that and minimizes the rest. Something that YOU feel sexy in will make your husband find you sexy. Seriously.
As for the corset thing, can you just fake it? I have a piece of lingerie that looks like a corset but its really just fabric: no boning and the laces don't pull it much tighter than it already is. Nothing is squished Pair it with some cute panties that have built in garters...throw on some stocking... and light a couple candles
Ok, I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings at all, but is it possible that you DO look sexy and just don't see it yet? I can't imagine your loose skin could be that bad with your starting weight. Do you think your mind is just torturing you? Maybe there's a way to work this out mentally so you can see yourself the way you really are?
Even though I have a lot of work to do before I get close to goal, I have stretch marks, and areas of skin that I am not sure what will happen there as I reach goal. These things are always in the background in my mind. 
I agree 100% with JoJo. I always think I look terrible and then years pass and I see a picture of my younger self and I shake my head and wonder what my problem was....I usually look so much better than I remember feeling at the time. My motto regarding my body is youth is wasted on the young....I never appreciated what I had as a young woman. Now in my 40's I vowed to appreciate whatever stage my body is currently at. It ain't easy to do everyday but I try to keep the internal messages positive. I also love lingerie but I choose carefully. It is like any clothing, you gotta try on all sorts of styles to find the fit for you. I don't examine myself in the mirror either. I do a 5 second glance and then turn away and decide if I felt sexy. In the end my hubby is only going to see it on me for a few seconds anyway.
