Hi everyone, I've been on this forum before and lost about 20 pounds counting calories between January and April 2010. Then I stopped counting calories and just "ate healthy" until now. I realize my usual day is around 1600-2000 calories which is a lot more than what I was eating when I was losing weight steadily. I haven't gained any, but I'm yoyoing in between 177-174 since the end of April. Now I tried maybe once every other week since then to "get back on track". Fail. Every single time. I just can't seem to do it.
I'm crying writing this, because I know I can do it, I've done it in the past, and again recently with that 20 pounds loss that hasn't come back. I want to be healthy, and I want to get slimmer, and I want to be able to run without running out of breath and I want to look good next summer because I've spent too many summers inside being ashamed of my body.
How can I make sure I can get back on track and STICK TO MY PLAN? My only sister and I live on different continents, and my partner is less than supportive and constantly keeps junk food in the house and buys me food that I shouldn't be eating. My gym membership will become active in September, but until then I cannot afford to go to the gym to work out. I have a really hard time eating before noon, even though I get up at 7 am. I'm also always tired, and despite feeling better since I lost some weight, I realize I still have a long way to go before I'm at a healthy weight. I'm quite short, and all the women in my family are tiny little things (my mother is 5'1 and about 110 pounds) and I just know that I'm not meant to be this fat. I want out of this body but I somehow can't seem to be motivated enough to start sticking to a calorie/exercise plan again.
How have some of you gotten back on a diet/eating plan and regular exercise after a long(ish) hiatus? I feel so powerless, and I see all of you succeeding and working hard at slimming down and getting there and being happy maintainers, and goshdarn it I just want to be a happy maintainer too!
When I first started counting calories in January, I told myself that this would be my last "fat year" (one of 13) and I know it would be hard to reach my goal weight by the new year, but if at least I could be out of the "overweight" category according to my BMI, it would be enough for me. For now I feel like I failed myself, and I hate what I see in the mirror, and I need to change it. I just don't know how or where to start.