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Why Do I Feel This Way????

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Old 07-27-2010, 07:15 PM   #1
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Lately i been doing really good and feeling great but there has been something bothering me for a few days now. I have a big family and for the most part they all support me. The other day i walked in the kitchen and my mom made this face at me like kind of like what are u doing to urself look. then she proceded to say that i need to stop with my diet because i supposedly didint look well. I was like wtf? ok? im 221 pounds in no way do i look to thin so that confused the **** outta me. then the other day my brother in law tells me that he liked it better when i was fat because i was nicer. I also felt confused because i feel like i was meaner then because i wasent happy. Then the guy i been dating for a long time keeps throwing comments at me like for example; ur all skin and bones ur gonna have to gain 20 lbs. or i like big girls or ur losing ur sex appeal....ect My feelings are hurt. i feel like maybe theres a chance im just being to sensituve but the person inside me is still the same just more confident and strong. like i said these people are for the most part my supporters but sometimes they can be mean. i shouldint feel so crappy i shoud be happy but part of me just wants to snap. I work hard and im not trying to be the victim here im not a baby and i could handle the comments most times but i cant help wondering WOULD EVERYONE BE ALOT MORE COMFORTABLE IF I WOULD JUST BE FAT?
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Old 07-27-2010, 07:32 PM   #2
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I'm sorry you haven't had other responses yet-- you have every right to be upset with these people! These folks ARE NOT your supporters if they are saying things like this to you.

People don't like change--especially such a BIG change as you losing so much weight. It challenges them: challenges not only their beliefs about you--but about themselves, too. It can make people uncomfortable--because right there in front of them is proof that with a decision, committment, and action you can change your life! It is no small thing you are doing and it can make people VERY uncomfortable.

So, rather than face themselves (and whatever it is about YOUR change that makes them unhappy) they lash out at you.

Don't listen. YOU are wonderful! YOU are unique.

(and puh-leese--when you're ready--dump this guy. You can't do much about your family, but you don't need this person who cannot embrace the new you.)

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Old 07-27-2010, 07:34 PM   #3
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I find getting on here helps me whenever I hear "those" comments.
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Old 07-27-2010, 07:41 PM   #4
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I agree, these peope are obviously not supportive enough! You are doing an amazing thing for yourself, and that is all that matters. My b/f has also told me that he thinks I should not loose the weight, but he also said that if losing the weight would make me happy to go for it. Some people are just intimated by strong women, and thats what you are, a strong woman! Becasue no wimp could lose what you already have, or what you plan to!

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Old 07-27-2010, 07:51 PM   #5
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People can be idiots (and I'm not claiming I'm exempt). I've said my share of stupid, insensitive things. Sometimes I don't even know I'm sticking my foot in my mouth. Only later may I realize that what I said could have been hurtful (and I'm sure there were times when I never realized that I said something that had hurt someone).

There are all sorts of reasons people say hurtful things. Ignorance, fear, insecurity, and sometimes even just chance (I recently had a HUGE fight with a friend over a comment she had no way of knowing would hurt me. Even I'm not sure why it hurt me so much).

It really helps to remember that most of the time, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

And yes, they may be more comfortable wiht you fat - because they don't know the thin you, yet. They may be afraid that you're a different person now (and the truth is, you are. You said as much really. You said your more confident and strong). Change is threatening to everyone. They may not know how to act around more confident, strong jay12. They're not sure whether you're going to be judging them or changing the relationship in other ways that make them uncomfortable. They may not even know why they're uncomfortable (and it may just be because it's new and different).

I've found it helpful to pretend I'm listening and just sing blah,blah,bla in my head. Or sometimes I try to be overly patient (like I'm speaking to a slow child), "I understand that you're not comfortable with the new me, but I am," (even if I'm not, it helps shut down the conversation, or sometimes open it up - and the person will share their "real" fears).

The guy you're dating may only be attracted to bigger girls, and with your losing weight, he'll face the same challenges that a guy who is attracted to small girls when his gf gains weight. He'll either adapt to the changes, or have to decide whether your weight loss is a "deal breaker."

He also may be insecure and afraid that as you get thinner, you'll get a lot more attention from other guys. Maybe guys that have more to offer than he does. He may feel he can't compete.

There are tons of reasons, some of the you may sympathise with, some you may consider hostile or destructive. Doesn't matter, because their reasons don't have to become yours.

There are thousands of ways to say, "I love you, but I disagree with you." And it's not just important for you to say that to them for their sake, but for your own as well. Because when you say it, you realize that it's true. You don't have to agree with people to love them. Know what you want for your reasons, and it won't hurt as badly when people you love want different things for you.
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Old 07-27-2010, 08:05 PM   #6
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thank u guys so much i am literally teary eyed right now i dunno whats wrong with me I am not the type of person to say people are just jealous of me. i feel gulity to even think that.
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Old 07-27-2010, 08:20 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jay12 View Post
thank u guys so much i am literally teary eyed right now i dunno whats wrong with me I am not the type of person to say people are just jealous of me. i feel gulity to even think that.
You know it might be true, but it also might not be. I think you'll feel less guilt if you remind yourself that it really doesn't matter "why" people disagree with you - it's their problem not yours.

And I don't mean that in a cruel or hostile way. As much as you love someone, you can't solve their personal issues, they're on their own (just as we all are).

I think attributing hostile motives tends to make me feel worse. So it's easier on me to feel sorry for the misguided souls who disagree with my enlightened, obviously correct opinion (ok, I'm being facetious, but really it's a whole lot more fun to think I'm right, and feel sorry for anyone who isn't me).

I'm not saying I never entertain the possibility that I might be wrong, and I don't feel bad about considering the possibility (if I choose to), but I also don't feel bad if I refuse to consider the possibility. It's ok to feel that you're making the right choices for yourself, and it's ok not to listen to opinions to the contrary. You're life, you get to choose.
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Old 07-27-2010, 08:55 PM   #8
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I am only posting this because no one else has yet...please do not take offense as I know nothing about your diet, your weight loss or anything. But...are you doing this he healthy way? I only ask because one of the comments was about how you looked sick and one about being mean. Both of those could actually be true if you aren't losing in a healthy manner. I know that I am mean as can be when I am hungry.
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Old 07-27-2010, 09:43 PM   #9
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Personally, I think I would have to sit down and have an open talk with with my loved ones. Tell them what they said hurt your feelings and maybe expalin to them why you are losing the weight and why it is important to you. I think that honesty is always best. Maybe they didnt realize how much they hurt you or maybe it came out wrong, maybe it didnt but either way you will know their true feelings and can express yours. Best of luck and congrats on all your weightloss. Keep your head up and be proud of yourself. You have come a long way, dont let anyone steal your Glory.
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Old 07-27-2010, 09:50 PM   #10
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I agree with the previous poster that said people have a hard time with change. Sometimes people just need time to adjust.

It looks like you have already lost a significant amount of weight. How did you lose it? Are you being healthy about it?
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Old 07-27-2010, 11:04 PM   #11
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They're not use to seeing you so much smaller, so it'll be a while for them to catch up to the page you're on!
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Old 07-28-2010, 12:18 AM   #12
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There are lots of reasons why people say what they do, but sometimes it just comes down to the fact that some people kinda suck when there is a change in their little world. Be strong, be confident and take care of the business of losing weight in a healthy way.

I've been at goal for more than two years and yet I still have people tell me that I've gotten too thin or I don't look well. I finally came to realize that the problem was with them and not with me and now I just smile and move on. I don't try to convince anybody and I don't respond to any comments.

Living a long, healthy life in size 8 jeans is the best revenge.
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