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venting..."no, I did not have surgery..."

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Old 07-18-2010, 09:00 AM   #1
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Unhappy venting..."no, I did not have surgery..."

First off, I want to put it out there that I have nothing against anyone who has had or is having surgery in order to lose weight!

However, I am finding it kind of an insult when people are now asking me if I had surgery in order to loose all the weight I have lost so far. Maybe it is the way they are asking it: most of the time it comes off like they mean "wow that is a lot of weight to loose you must have had surgery". It makes me feel like they doubt that I could have lost all the weight with consistency and time. I know it is still hard work to lose weight after surgery, but people tend to view weight loss surgery as the easy way out(not that it has to be or is) and I am getting really offended when people doubt the work I have put into this journey(and the work I am still putting in).

Anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences??
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Old 07-18-2010, 09:19 AM   #2
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I once had a DOCTOR ask me what pills I had taken to lose weight. And a friend/co-worker of mine started the rumor that I'd had "the surgery" to lose weight, so I understand where you're coming from.

I know people who have had WLS, so I know it's in NO way the easy way out. I just don't understand why other people on the outside of the weight loss journey think that surgery is the ONLY way to lose weight?
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Old 07-18-2010, 09:27 AM   #3
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My dr asked me repeatedly, at my last appointment, whether I had had any sort of weight loss surgery... There are rumors circulating that I have had surgery, an eating disorder, cancer, etc. It's hurtful, but people close to me know the truth. I just use my anger about it to fuel my maintenance.
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Old 07-18-2010, 09:38 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by losermom View Post
My dr asked me repeatedly, at my last appointment, whether I had had any sort of weight loss surgery... There are rumors circulating that I have had surgery, an eating disorder, cancer, etc. It's hurtful, but people close to me know the truth. I just use my anger about it to fuel my maintenance.

Me too!

I talked openly about the possibility of having WLS many years ago, the lab-band specifically, when it first came out. Maybe that is why people think I have had it....I don't know. I guess people maybe never forgot??

But like losermom, I used this to my advantage. One of the greatest thrills of a life time is to walk into a room full of the gossips all dolled up and watch them squirm because I'm still at goal. (Such a naughty thing to say before church today!)
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Old 07-18-2010, 09:50 AM   #5
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I think they are trying to make you feel badly because they are envious of your accomplishments, except for the doctor who should really know better...
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Old 07-18-2010, 09:59 AM   #6
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Oh please, I get this all the time. People don't ask IF I've had the surgery, that just launch right into that and assume that I DID have WLS.

A good friend of mine finally convinced a mutual friend of ours (she's much better friends with him than I am), that I didn't have weight loss surgery, but then he immediately went on to say that I must have had liposuction. Oy.

And just recently, two good friends of mine bumped into a mutual acquaintance of ours. My name came up and this woman actually told them AS FACT, that Robin had WLS. As fact. Could you imagine? She was telling them that I had surgery. This woman who barely knows me. But of course these two women are my good friends, so they KNOW that I didn't.

Funny enough, wouldn't you know it. The very next day after they told me this, I bumped into this woman in the grocery store.I was ready to bring up what she said, but I was in a particularly horrible mood and I am certain I would have not been so nice. So I chose to say nothing. Of course looking back I wish I would have. What a missed opportunity! Oh well.

Last edited by rockinrobin : 07-18-2010 at 10:42 AM. Reason: typo
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Old 07-18-2010, 10:01 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JessLess View Post
I think they are trying to make you feel badly because they are envious of your accomplishments, except for the doctor who should really know better...
This is the sad part - you would *think* doctors would know better - but they don't. My very own doctor told me that it would be impossible to lose all the weight that I needed to without surgery.

It is so sad that so few people know that losing weight and lots of it is a doable thing. That we ALL have the ability to do so. We are all capable of it.
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Old 07-18-2010, 10:12 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by rockinrobin View Post
This is the sad part - you would *think* doctors would know better - but they don't. My very own doctor told me that it would be impossible to lose all the weight that I needed to without surgery.

It is so sad that so few people know that losing weight and lots of it is a doable thing. That we ALL have the ability to do so. We are all capable of it.
Yup. Mine too.

And yes, I also get the gossip about how I've lost so much weight, and I've seen people scrutinizing what I eat. It sucks.

The only thing I can say is that I've lost MORE than most of the WLSers at my workplace.... so there!

I can't wait to see them when I'm actually at goal!
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Old 07-18-2010, 10:15 AM   #9
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I'm sure I've held forth before on just how much this angers me, but I guess I'm just SO angry about it that I can't miss an opportunity to say so. Most of it, I suppose, is that I hate being the subject of gossip, but there's a good element of...just irritation. No, I did not have weight loss surgery. No, I did not follow a crazy miracle diet. No, I didn't take pills. All I can tell you is that I ate calorie-counted portions of healthy, whole foods, and moved my butt a lot. Why don't people just believe this? Why are they so darned disappointed when you tell them, Look, I just changed the quantity and quality of what I eat. There is not one thing miraculous about this, it's EXACTLY what you're 'supposed' to do, if you want to lose weight without resorting to surgery. I QUIT EATING SO MUCH, OK? I can't tell you a single thing about WLS, since I DIDN'T HAVE IT.

It does irritate me, because this is not some deep, secret knowledge.
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Old 07-18-2010, 10:39 AM   #10
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Thanks everyone!!! I knew there had to be others out there who felt the same way!! People just can't believe that you can loose the weight by eating well and sticking to a calorie and fat limit. There is the exercise part as well, but it really is just a matter of creating healthy habits and remaining dedicated to your goal!!

Can I just say....

WE ROCK!
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Old 07-18-2010, 10:57 AM   #11
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WLS isn't that common in the UK so last time what I got was

a) You must have taken the easy option and done Atkins. (I didn't; and Atkins isn't easy)
b) Have you finished the chemotherapy?

Onwards.
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Old 07-18-2010, 11:00 AM   #12
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Couldn't it sometimes just be the case that people can't imagine how they themselves could lose so much weight without something like surgery?

I don't think most people would mean it in a vindictive way, they are just in admiration because they don't feel capable of it themselves. I would take it as a compliment.
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Old 07-18-2010, 11:01 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lori Bell View Post
But like losermom, I used this to my advantage. One of the greatest thrills of a life time is to walk into a room full of the gossips all dolled up and watch them squirm because I'm still at goal. (Such a naughty thing to say before church today!)
It's ok to be naughty if it works.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinrobin View Post
A good friend of mine finally convinced a mutual friend of ours (she's much better friends with him than I am), that I didn't have weight loss surgery, but then he immediately went on to say that I must have had liposuction. Oy.
Robin, is it even possible to "lipo" out 165 lbs?!??! And if it is, would it be healthy?

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Originally Posted by ubergirl View Post
And yes, I also get the gossip about how I've lost so much weight, and I've seen people scrutinizing what I eat. It sucks.
Ditto.

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Originally Posted by catherinef View Post
No, I did not follow a crazy miracle diet. No, I didn't take pills.
Over the July 4th holiday, while at SIL's holiday BBQ, SIL asked me (very hostilely I might add), if I was taking "pills". When I responded no, she then accused me of not eating. Which is weird, because she saw me eat a plate of food, including a sloppy joe, pasta salads, fruit and a rice krispie bar, washed down with a couple of beers (Miller 64s). I don't eat like that every day, but I do indulge occasionally.
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Old 07-18-2010, 11:08 AM   #14
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Related: I had a friend the other day asking me about my "super healthy diet" and "how long could I keep it up"? It actually took me a few minutes to realize she was saying "super healthy" sarcastically because she just assumed I was starving myself and that it couldn't possibly be healthy or sensible. I have never eaten such a healthy diet in my life, and I suspect I eat healthier than 75% of Americans! (not to mention how UNhealthy all that fat was).

When possible, I give people a long spiel about how WLS is NOT the "easy option" and how grateful I am that I didn't have to do it that route.

That said, I have a family reunion coming up and I am tempted to get a bikini--despite my sagging stomach--just so that people can see there is no scar.
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Old 07-18-2010, 11:15 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PapayaMule View Post
Couldn't it sometimes just be the case that people can't imagine how they themselves could lose so much weight without something like surgery?
Right, and since they can't imagine that they could be determined enough to do, it follows that we must have taken a "short cut" as well. It feels like minimizing the accomplishment.

It's like if you saved up a bunch of money by working lots of overtime and living without any luxuries and then went on a cruise and people at work --the ones that left at 5:00 and bought a $5 latte every day--were like "Must be nice to have money. Did you win the lottery or did your parents pay for it?".

Quote:
I don't think most people would mean it in a vindictive way, they are just in admiration because they don't feel capable of it themselves. I would take it as a compliment.
Sometimes, maybe. But often they want to minimize what you have done so that they don't feel bad about not doing it themselves.

The irony, of course, is that WLS isn't the "easy way", but people think it is.
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