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"L****. You've gained weight."

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Old 07-12-2010, 10:14 AM   #1
Changing behaviours
 
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Default "L****. You've gained weight."

That's what my MIL said to me yesterday as I prepared lunch for her and my family. And even though I haven't gained weight - at least not since she saw me last - I HAVE gained over the last year. Exactly this time in 2009, I was 159; today, 176. As far as MIL's comment, I think it's just that she's used to seeing me dressed in dark, flattering clothing and yesterday I was definitely "dressed down" in a beige skort and slightly-too-tight pale lavender T-shirt.

MIL is famous for being forthright, and DH was very supportive, told me just to ignore her, he loves me etc etc., but it's really the firestorm of emotions the comment ignited that has me reeling. At first, disbelief... then embarrassment (Oh no! She can tell!); shame (I really AM a cow); indignation (how DARE she!!!); anger (how could I have let this happen - again); resignation (well, I HAVE gained weight, just suck it up).

Then I was embarrassed to eat lunch in front of her, only to have her described some fantastic chicken available in her part of town that she loves, only "You wouldn't be able to have it because it's drenched in butter." Sigh.

It's all kind of knocked me for a loop. Thanks for reading, chickies. I know no one can do anything about the weight but me, I just had to vent. Why oh why do people say these sorts of things??
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Old 07-12-2010, 10:20 AM   #2
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Some people need to learn to filter. Your MIL sounds like one of them. A shame too.

Just remember your goals and stay on track. Hopefully by the time you see her next she can say, Wow, you've lost weight.
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Old 07-12-2010, 10:22 AM   #3
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That was a rude comment, whether you have gained weight or not. Try to let this motivate you though so the next time she'll be saying "Wow, you've lost weight!"
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Old 07-12-2010, 10:22 AM   #4
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I didn't see that comment above mine before I posted. How funny though lol
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Old 07-12-2010, 10:22 AM   #5
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Ouch! That hurts! Just move forward and do it for yourself! MILs - really there just isn't anything like them!
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Old 07-12-2010, 11:07 AM   #6
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ACK! - I know the feeling!!! I just had a week long visit w/my dad & brother. Daddy says to me: "You eat like a horse". HUH!?????!?!?!?!?!? No I don't! - I eat healthy & good! - excuse me dad, but who was that eating ICE CREAM with chocolate syrup & whip cream TWICE nearly every day you were here???? Wasn't me! - Nope! - I was happily chowing on FRESH STRAWBERRIES!!! - and during dinner of baked chicken with broccoli & mac & cheese... was it ME having that 2nd GIGANTIC helping of mac & cheese??? Uh, no!!!! I had TWO - count them TWO tablespoons of mac & cheese!!!!

Eat like a horse... my a$$!
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Old 07-12-2010, 11:19 AM   #7
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Sounds like my mother! She had the nerve to ask me at Thanksgiving last year if I was wearing maternity pants because they were a size medium. They were stretchy workout pants and yes, I probably should have been wearing a large, but why the **** does she care what size pants I'm wearing? (At first, she didn't believe me when I said medium--'cause Lord knows my fat booty couldn't have fit into a medium--and so she asked to see the tag. When I proved they were mediums, she asked if they were maternity. Sigh.)
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Old 07-12-2010, 11:28 AM   #8
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No matter how old I get (I'm 42), women who are older than me always seem to think they can say things like that and get away with it. When I was pregnant with my first child I went somewhere with my mother-in-law and some people there had a horse who was pregnant with twins... my MIL told me I was getting as big as that horse. I said, "but the horse is pregnant with twins" - she said, "I know." Then after giving birth, my aunt came to visit, brought a friend with her who had not met me and said, "L***** used to be so pretty... I don't know what happened to her."
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Old 07-12-2010, 11:30 AM   #9
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Old 07-12-2010, 11:38 AM   #10
Bear Down..Lost 38 in '10
 
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Just makes me shake my head.
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Old 07-12-2010, 11:49 AM   #11
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Wow.

That's when you let your eyes widen and your jaw drop just a little bit. And then you say, "OMG, you just said that outloud. You must be so embarassed." And then you let a smile play around your mouth and shake your head like she's totally delusional and you are simply humoring her utter lack of social skills.

Unreal.
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Old 07-12-2010, 11:50 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by midwife View Post
Wow.

That's when you let your eyes widen and your jaw drop just a little bit. And then you say, "OMG, you just said that outloud. You must be so embarassed." And then you let a smile play around your mouth and shake your head like she's totally delusional and you are simply humoring her utter lack of social skills.

Unreal.
Very good reply..!
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Old 07-12-2010, 11:54 AM   #13
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My mom said the same thing to me yesterday! But I haven't gained weight, I've lost 4 lbs.! She said "you just keep gaining and gaining". It hurt.

As far as MILs go, I don't have one, but I've heard they're awful in general, so this just seems like a terrible thing a MIL would say. So you gained weight-that's your business, not hers! Thanks for the "stages" you listed- totally relatable! Hang in there
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Old 07-12-2010, 11:58 AM   #14
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"You're right; I put on twenty pounds during the last year. I'm working on it. You, I see, have not learned manners in the past year and clearly are not working on it. Personally, I'll take my issues over yours."

Being a MIL is not a license for rudeness. I hate that sort of thing, it does NO ONE any good and if she finds it satisfying I pity her.
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Old 07-12-2010, 12:14 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiebell View Post
Very good reply..!
I stole it from somebody--I think Mandalinn!
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