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Old 07-02-2010, 01:59 AM   #1
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My boyfriend cheated on me. I'm absolutely devastated. He was my first love, my first everything. I think he was planning to break it off from me, but I found out before he had a chance to tell me himself. I hadn't been able to get ahold of him in two days. I was worried, and kept telling myself I was being irrational. But my fears came true -- It's over. And worst of all I had to hear it from the other girl, who's a real b!tch, so you can imagine how utterly stupid I felt. What he put me through was just cruel. However, I do have some compassion for him. She's the mother of his child. It's probably best that they're together. Still, he could have handled this so much better. But he didn't, and he's with a woman who cheats on him and causes drama everywhere she goes. I know it's not going to work. They've been trying to make it work for years. I know the girl fairly well, and I obviously know the boy even more, I don't know who they're trying to kid. The only reason they lasted as long as they did was for the child. Anyway, I just binged on diet approved food. So glad I didn't go for the ice cream. The only thing stopping me was the thought of looking hot 5 months from now, when their relationship inevitably derails, so he'll come back to me. I know... I'm pathetic. I never had the courage to tell him this, and even know it's uncomfortable for me, but I really do love him. I spent the majority of my day crying, but tomorrow morning I'm going to get up and give it all I got until I know I'm worthy.
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Old 07-02-2010, 02:16 AM   #2
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Oh, gosh. I am so, so sorry. I am not even going to try to offer you advice. I know these things are complicated and whatever you do and think about this is your decision to make, but I find it really impressive that you can stay on track despite this. I know how much it sucks to lose someone. Many, many hugs.
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Old 07-02-2010, 03:28 AM   #3
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I've been cheated on before too, and it is just a horrible, awful experience. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know this may not really reach you as you are in that fog of pain, but hang in there, it really will be better. This guy is absolutely no prize, just like mine wasn't. It doesn't matter that he cheated with her just because she gave birth to a child. That fact doesn't justify him causing you so much pain. By no means should you ever entertain the idea of trying to get him back. Not only did he cheat on you, he chose her as the one he wanted the relationship with (exactly what happened to me too). I had to pick myself up and move on--now five years later, I am doing very well and have my life on track. I wouldn't give my ex the time of day if I saw him on the street and I won't accept a man who throws up those same red warning flags for me. It took time and a lot of tears, but I got over it and so will you. Good for you for not having that ice cream! The only one that would hurt is yourself, and you need to take care of you right now. Take a hot bath, read a book if you can, listen to music, exercise, but don't do any of those things with the intention of changing to get his attention. I know you want to get a hold of him, but leave him alone. My mom once gave me the best piece of advice when I was going through this. She said I could call him once I felt like it wouldn't matter what he had to say, that I needed to be totally detached emotionally before I could speak to him without my emotions getting in the way. By the time that happened, I had moved past that loser and so will you! Good luck!
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Old 07-02-2010, 04:46 AM   #4
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I am so sorry to hear that!! Why is it that all we ever hear anymore is people cheating on each other, whether its in Hollywood or real life? It just sucks! I hope you can get past this and hes a jerk for hurting you! Good job on staying in control though with your diet approved food!!
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Old 07-02-2010, 05:11 AM   #5
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It's one of the most awful things in the world to be cheated on. So sorry.
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Old 07-02-2010, 05:18 AM   #6
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i am very sorry to hear what happened, and i feel for you. i also agree with the above poster: do NOT want him back. even if he comes crawling back tomorrow. even if he says how sorry he is and how he won't do it again. he's done it, he has to live with it. and so will you. in the long run, he's the one who's going to be unhappy cos he's absolutely hopeless in creating a true relationship, whereas you, your morals and your ability to love will lead you to happiness.
just not with him. seriously!!!

xx grrrkgrrrl
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Old 07-02-2010, 08:37 AM   #7
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What a tool bag. Sorry, that's all I have to say. It doesn't make it better that she's the mother of his child...the back and forth and drama is just stupid.

You are better off. Clearly. I'm sorry you feel bad and your heart is broken...but there ARE better things to come, I promise.
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Old 07-02-2010, 08:50 AM   #8
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"until I know I'm worthy" [/color]

Just wanted to say so sorry this is happening to you! Hang in there BUT forget the above quoted part of your post! YOU ARE ALREADY WORTHY! Worthy of so many things! Don't let him or the situation make you feel otherwise!
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Old 07-02-2010, 09:36 AM   #9
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He doesn't deserve you, Rhythm. I've survived this sort of tragedy, too, and it really sucks. I'm also a cancer survivor, and, I swear, there were days when surviving that betrayal was harder! But, hang in there, it gets better! And one of the ways it gets better is to throw yourself into taking care of yourself. Weight loss, among other advantages, is wonderfully distracting. So, if it feels right to you, stick with us on 3FC and we'll help you through it. I agree with the others, you don't need to lose weight to be worthy -- you are worthy and losing weight is one way that you might choose to express your worth right now.
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Old 07-02-2010, 10:00 AM   #10
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I'm so sorry and sending "peace in your heart" thoughts your way.

Please remember what someone once said, "When someone shows you who they really are, believe them." I know it's not what you want to hear right now, but it's true.

(((Hugs)))
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Old 07-02-2010, 11:20 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhythm View Post
The only thing stopping me was the thought of looking hot 5 months from now, when their relationship inevitably derails, so he'll come back to me.
Girl, if he comes running back to you, don't take him back. Once a douchebag always a douchebag. I learnt that the hard way. Move on. Tell him he had his chance and he blew it. There are good men out there. You'll find one but don't waste your breath or tears on this loser. And do NOT blame yourself. It's his fault.

Dust yourself off, get yourself some low-cal chocolate and a chick flick and forget about him.
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Old 07-02-2010, 12:45 PM   #12
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Thanks girls.

This morning when I woke up, I forgot everything that happened for just a moment -- Then it all came back to me. Then I asked myself "Did all that really happen?". I'm still in shock I guess. But today I'm going to work out like crazy and be the best me I can be.

I don't think I'll ever quite see him the way your girls do, unfortunately. And I'll probably always want him back. I keep justifying what he's done, because I've always seen him as a mature, kind person. He's not, though... He's really f----ing not.

Grr.

I'm really worried that she's going to get pregnant again. He uses the pull out method, and for some crazy reason I was okay with that when we were together. If he impregnates this girl again there's no hope. He had trouble enough leaving her with one kid (he pays full support and visits regularly), if she has 2 kids he'll never leave.

Last edited by Rhythm : 07-02-2010 at 12:49 PM.
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