Scared to be Skinny?
 

Ok... this is just something I've been thinking about the past few weeks. Though maybe it's just one of those things where I think too much about it and wig myself out... like airplanes and eggs.

I feel almost as though I'm afraid to lose weight. I want to get past the 200 point (did go up four pounds during my week at camp, am down a pound since then, but I'm at 211.4, meaning I have a little over 10 lbs to lose to get past the 200 point).

I just started... so maybe that's why? I dunno. I'm excited, I want to lose weight... but... maybe it's because it seems so far off... so unattainable?

I've never been thin. Never. I wasn't huge as a child, but nor was I the skinny person. I don't know what it's like to NOT have my thighs be touching, to NOT have cellulite all over them, to NOT have my stomach. I find myself in the bath tub being absolutely disgusted by it... but at the same time... I can't see myself without it. And when I try... it... well... scares me.

Maybe I should just stop thinking about it. I feel as though these thoughts, while they haven't made me eat more or go off my plan (I've been doing about an hour's worth of exercise a day, eating around 1500-1700 calories daily, it's hard when all my grandma cooks are high carb high calorie foods like breads, pasta, etc, and won't go get fruit other than apples (BLECH) and bananas), just haven't exactly made me WANT to stay on plan.

Is this normal? I'm not even that far into my weight loss journey... but... this has been something I've felt for a LONG time... even when I was at the 180 lb point three years ago.

I dunno... maybe it's a fear of something else? But... it's like the whole feeling of "this is who I am... who will I be once it's gone" or... something. I don't really know. All I do know is that it scares me... and I don't like it (being scared, or not being scared... really don't know what yet).

I was afraid I wouldn't stick with it. But before I knew, I was there! And i have a completely different life. It's almost as though I picked my own ending to my story. It's great! Best of luck, and as long as you want it to happen, and you know why you want it to happen, you can achieve it!

I felt like that at your age, and for me it was all tied up in my anxieties about boys/men and sex: I felt conflicted about my own emerging sexuality (My brain sorta went: "eww sex icky only bad girls want that but I am kinda curious/ do sorta want to god that's scary couldn't stand to be seen naked what if I did it and got laughed at god I am so lonely damn it boys are dumb . . .). Now that I am an old married lady I've got most of that worked out, but it took some serious angst and hard thinking and long boring conversations with my friends and mother to get it all figured out.

As long as I was overweight the whole thing stayed philosophical and safe because no one was hitting on me.

I don't know if that is your issue--and obviously it's very private--but it might be something to think about. I didn't really see the connection myself for years.

Oh Shmead, your inner monologue cracks me up. But that's really a big part of the safety of being overweight. The world can be a scary place and being overweight is one way to keep the scary things away. But being strong and fit and confident is another way....

Look at it this way Serbrider - if you get down to your goal weight and decide you really don't like all it has to offer you know it'll be easy to get back over 200 pounds again. If you never lose the weight you'll just never know what possibilities you're missing out on....

I understand how you are feeling serbrider :hug: I had the same feelings when I began my journey and sometimes I still do :dizzy: I have always been heavy as well and being thin was such a foreign concept. It's kind of like losing a part of yourself. Even though you hate that part, it has always been there and just feels normal. I used to feel panicked about how my body would look and feel. I used to hug my stomach for comfort when I was feeling down. There is much less of a stomach there now and I have caught myself searching for something to hug..LOL.

I assure you that it does get better as you ease into your new body. Things change gradually, its not like you will wake up instantly skinny one morning...that would be nice though LOL. You will adjust and begin to enjoy life as a "thin" person. It all feels overwhelming, I was there too. Hang in there and you will start feeling better about the situation once you see those changes for yourself ;)

Thanks Vladadog...

Thanks Sweetnlow28... I guess that's kinda how I feel. Slow and steady... yeah. Like the turtle. That's what wins the race.

Schmead... I don't think THAT exactly is what is going through my head... but it could be a subconscious thing. :p I've never had a boyfriend... never been kissed... so I dunno. ;)

guamvixen... I do want it to happen. I want to be able to do things, I want to be able to not feel as though I'm 'too heavy' or 'too big' for this or that. I want to live a normal life...

but... I guess I'm scared of it to. Maybe because it's something new? Something different? Something unknown?

I was terrified when I began whenever I thought of being thin, but I was terrified I think because I didn't believe that I could really do it. Thinking about it was getting my hopes up, and if I thought I could do it I started to want it so much that it would really hurt if I couldn't. Could that be part of it? Just a thought. If it is, then it'll probably go away once you see you really can lose weight and you really do see a difference in how you look and feel.

For *ME*, (and I must clarify...only ME) I made up little...uhem...excuses like I'm scare, I'm undeserving, I'm busy, I'm lonely, I'm depressed, I'm (fill in the blank with any psycho babble) all of the time. But in all reality, I just didn't have the stick-to-it-ness to get and stay thin. Oh, I wanted to want it. I pretended to want it, but when push came to shove, I just didn't have the patience, commitment, perseverance, motivation or the ambition to get it done, and to keep it done.

I was the Lady of excuses and Queen of denial. ;) I don't know, maybe the aging process helped, or the fact I felt like I was going to die...but thankfully something finally clicked and I did it.