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Old 06-29-2010, 12:36 AM   #1
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Default Boyfriendless....

I feel like my weight has everything to do with the fact that I don't have a boyfriend. I look at girls and I think wow I am cuter than her and she is the one with the boyfriend and not me. I know that is bad of my to think but then I go well she doesn't weight 331lbs. I know that I have lost 60lbs and I should be proud of that but it's like I want someone to share it with. I want someone to work out with and push each other. Is that to much to ask for?
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Old 06-29-2010, 12:41 AM   #2
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you lost 60 pounds??!! congrats! the rest shouldnt be too hard now!

honestly girl, what you are feeling is completely normal. but the problem is, you are concentrating on other people before yourself. and in this case, make yourSELF happy first. After you continue losing weight and doing whatever it takes to make you feel beautiful (new clothes, hair style, lifting weights) THEN i think you should start looking for a boy toy! Some of the hottest girls in the WORLD that I know are single! Just please don't become someone's eff buddy! Have respect for yourself!

I'll give you a perfect example here. I wanted to go clubbing a lot this summer and have a crazy social life. BUT i have been sitting at home every day. i CHOOSE to do that, because I don't want to start having that kind of life until i feel 100% comfortable with my body. So I'm gonna lose weight first this summer, and THEN worry about meeting people and stuff. Idk, that's just how I am.

Good luck!
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Old 06-29-2010, 12:46 AM   #3
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You are right about having respect for myself because sometime I don't and I always put people before me.

That is a good idea about the whole clubbing thing. I go with my friend sometimes but it's like I hate going because I always think that I am to fat to go and all of that and I'm not the girl getting the guy to dance with her. OR I get the really nasty creppy guys well becauase that is just always my luck! The last time I went clubbing I sweat my butt off and I think I losted 5lbs that night lol.
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Old 06-29-2010, 01:22 AM   #4
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I felt just like you 2 years ago. I met an amazing man who changed it all You have to get into a positive place! If you aren't open, confident (at least in some ways) and emotionally available- it won't happen. I hated all those cliches people spouted to me about the right guy and "you'll find him when you stop looking" but you know what? It WAS true. There is someone right for you, you just haven't met him YET! Cheer up!
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Old 06-29-2010, 02:06 AM   #5
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hey i don't have a bf and never did, but isn't that a good thing? no one to tie us down? haha just work on yourself and continue to do so and one day that mr.right will come along just don't think about it and it will happen

Just doing it as of 1/18/13!
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Old 06-29-2010, 03:32 AM   #6
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Hi, I'd like to give your some support!

I can relate to what you're saying. It's hard looking at other women and thinking that they have a boyfriend when you're single. I try to use that as inspiration to lose the weight and realize that beauty isn't skin deep.

Take care and feel free to private message me.
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Old 06-29-2010, 04:49 AM   #7
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Sometimes men can be the root of a woman's weight problems though. I have to say that I am much happier being single because it was the relationship I was in that triggered overeating, more specifically the breakup.

Having a boyfriend is not the be all and end all of life. It'll come - there's someone out there for everyone. So just be yourself and who knows, Mr Right may well drop in your lap. Don't be downheartened about it!
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Old 06-29-2010, 10:14 AM   #8
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Remember, you have to love yourself before anybody else will! And I agree with the above post, some relationships can even trigger overeating. Just keep on keepin' on being you, and the right person will come along. It might be tomorrow, it might be a year from now...

Best of luck to you, and congrats on your pounds lost so far!
I attempt an arduous task; but there is no worth in that which is not a difficult achievement.

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Old 06-29-2010, 10:19 AM   #9
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I have lost 163 lbs and still cannot find a BF.....sometimes it IS weight related, other times, not so much. There are a lot of weirdos out there.

Lap RNY 2/12/07- weightloss: 163 lbs; 306 SW; 143 CW
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Old 06-29-2010, 10:27 AM   #10
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Oh yea, I agree a lot with what some other chickies have said. I have also read here and other places, about how many guys really despise/sabotage when their girls lose weight. Especially the ones who met and started dating them when they were overweight. (It doesn't always happen, but honestly it happens more than I ever imagined since reading here at 3FC).

Just yesterday a girl was posting about how her boyfriend criticizes her weight loss efforts and makes her feel terrible, says she doesn't sweat enough in her work outs, another poster wrote about how her husband goes on hamburger and ice cream runs... YIKES! Even a maintainer was floored when her husband offered food for comfort after many years at being at goal. Do you really need the aggravation right now? I say skip the man until you are near your goal and buy a toy There will always be men, but the motivation and commitment you have right now to lose weight might fade especially if you have a not so supportive mate.

Last edited by Lori Bell : 06-29-2010 at 10:32 AM.
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Old 06-29-2010, 10:56 AM   #11
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I wanted a boyfriend so bad at one point that it almost hurt. I met my now husband in my first year of college when I wasn't looking for anything serious. I tell people, and it's true, he pitied me (because I was shy) and I thought he was creepy. But what the heck, someone's showing interest, let's just have some fun. Hahaha... not very endearing, is it? Well, we quickly became the couple in the group that was obviously "meant to be." Btw, he was my first, erm, real boyfriend. (But that's a longer story...)

Meanwhile, I have a super skinny, twig of a friend who also met her first boyfriend and now husband about a month before I met mine. Clearly, weight had no bearing on who met who and when.

So I have two points. 1) I agree with the other ladies that even though I completely understand how you are feeling, there are definitely issues that come with relationships and weight loss. 2) It will happen when it's meant to happen. Just be open for it, when it comes.
Mini-Goal 1: 173 by 9/1/10 (Met!)
Goal: 125 by 9/1/11

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Old 06-29-2010, 10:56 AM   #12
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I just looked at your pics and you are very beautiful. You have made a huge accomplishment already with losing 60lbs.

I will have to agree with the others with not adding the complexity of a boyfriend to the process now. Your weight loss journey should be a very selfiish time for you. Take the time to learn all about you. You will be stronger and more mature in a relationship later when you know what you want.

You should never want to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons. And to find someone else who is a match to your current situation of trying to lose weight is so hard. If you want someone to work out with and share your weight loss journey with, find a diet partner.

Stay away from the creeps out there - you know they are only after one thing, and that will not be good for your motivation or your self healing.
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Old 06-29-2010, 11:38 AM   #13
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As RuPaul says, "You have to love yourself before you can love somebody else!"

Congrats on your weight loss--you're doing awesome!
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Old 06-29-2010, 12:04 PM   #14
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I'm part of the single ladies club, and I know it can be rough seeing other people coupled up and wishing you had the same thing. On the other hand, it's just one of those things you can't force. Being with the right guy is great, but it's not like you hit a certain weight, or look a certain way, and all of sudden are irresistible to anything with a penis.

I try to look at being single as having time to get to know myself as an adult. I figure I have the rest of my life to be someone's girlfriend, or someone's wife. Now is the time to become really secure in my relationship with my self, and not be defined by anyone else.

Don't think of those other girls as people who don't weigh 331lbs, but as people who happened to find someone that they click with. You'll find someone too, it's just a question of time and circumstance.
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Old 06-29-2010, 12:18 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Kady1202 View Post
I look at girls and I think wow I am cuter than her and she is the one with the boyfriend and not me. I know that is bad of my to think but then I go well she doesn't weight 331lbs.
A boyfriend is not a prize you win by being cute or thin or whatever. There are people that think that way--they are the ones who ALWAYS have a boyfriend, even if they don't particularly like him--but they don't find happiness that way. A romantic relationship can add a lot of joy to your life, but it needs to be about some particular person, not just filling in the boyfriend-shaped hole in your life.

The best relationships are based on wanting to be with someone, but not needing them. Need is pressure--and if you have this detailed image of what a boyfriend would be like, always pushing you into being a better person, you'd put a lot of pressure on a new guy to fill that spot. That's unlikely, in my experience, to go well. Better to be complete in yourself so that you don't have demands, but instead can enjoy everything he brings to your life as a delicious bonus--and he will hopefully see you the same way.

I know that being lonely--and, let's face it, being celibate--really, really sucks, but regretting being alone is MUCH MUCH better than regretting being with the wrong person.

Furthermore, NOTHING screws up weight loss like falling in love. There are several reasons for this:
  • Falling in love is a total lifestyle change: when and where and why you eat change and if you are not very, very careful you will pick up new bad habits to replace all the new good habits you've cultivated.
  • It's hard to be very, very careful about your lifestyle when you are having so much fun with this new person. Passing on desert sucked before: passing on sharing desert with this new awesome person seems criminal: it feels like a once-in-a-lifetime chance.
  • It's hard to be very, very careful about your lifestyle when someone is making you feel beautiful and sexy and desirable just as you are.
  • Chemical BC can make weight loss more difficult.

So I'd try to find other ways to assuage being lonely--and it does really suck--and focus on yourself. You want to be as emotionally and physically healthy as you can be for the day you run into Mr. Right.
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