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people that didn't like you fat...

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Old 06-24-2010, 01:08 AM   #1
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Default people that didn't like you fat...

I was wondering how do the girls here feel about guys that never gave them the time of day (dating wise) because they had weight on, but then when you lost the weight they became interested in you? Like a guy that would come right out and say he wasn't interested in dating because he isn't attracted to overweight women.

I know people say we are attracted to what we are attracted to, and I agree in a way, but at the same time it rubs me the wrong way since I was/am the overweight girl. Even when I am thin, I still feel like the fat girl and will always have to eat like I am on a diet.

Do these type of people deserve our time, or people are people and it's human nature for men to be more attracted to thin women?
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Old 06-24-2010, 01:12 AM   #2
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It's funny b/c I just brought this up in the "weight loss confessions" thread in the 30-something area. Part of me wants to find the guys that wouldn't give me the time of day, look them deep in their eyes and work them up, then tell them that since they didn't like me fat I don't like them NOW...and then watch them drop their jaws. LOL

HOWEVER...there was 1 guy, a good friend of mine, that I always had the hots for and he gave me the time of day even fat. Him...him I will track down and impress w/ my new body.
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Old 06-24-2010, 01:14 AM   #3
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Well... unless there are other strikes against the person that are deal breakers to me (rude, lies, cheats, drinks, drugs, etc) I wouldn't hold this preference against them. Could just as well be "Attracted to people in glasses" or "attracted to red heads."

As you say, people are attracted to whatever it is that attracts them. The things that attract them can also change as they age. I don't dig skateboarding teens like I used to when I was 14!

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Old 06-24-2010, 01:14 AM   #4
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I think the type of men who are rude pigs to overweight women, or treat them in an inferior manner, should be avoided once you're at goal. But the ones who were polite and friendly but just not attracted to an obese woman, I don;t think they should be condemned for it.

I think its natural to find someone fitter, healthier more attractive . Look at Mike from this season of TBL. I certainly didn't find him attractive at 520+ lbs. But at 250, he was far more attractive. I don't think that makes me a wicked person, so I can't set a diffeent standard for men.
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Old 06-24-2010, 01:16 AM   #5
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Have you seen the Showtime series, "Drop Dead Diva?" There's a heavy lead actress who's very sexy and has several men after her.
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Old 06-24-2010, 08:55 AM   #6
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I canít say Iíve had this exact thing happen. I donít have any men in my life who werenít interested and now are. I meet a lot more men now and I have a sneaking suspicion that some of them wouldnít have been interested in me 50 pounds ago, but I canít know that for sure.

Iím with the other ladiesÖyou really canít hold it against a guy if he just isnít into a certain body type. There are men who donít like skinny women and we all seem super supportive of that preference, so we canít really hate on them if itís the opposite. Iím not attracted to obese men, itís just the way it is. And a man is certainly entitled to not be attracted to obese women.

But I know what youíre sayingÖit could definitely be kind of offensive if a guy was in your life when you were overweight and didnít show any sort of interest and then once you lost weight, was all over you.
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Old 06-24-2010, 09:08 AM   #7
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Sigh. I wish my losing weight could have that much of an effect on the larger world. But it hasn't. It's just affected me.

All the immature jerks who were walking around not seeing me or making comments about my weight under their breath to their buddies have not become any more mature or any less of a jerk just because I've made some changes to my body.

On the other hand, men who always got along well with me look at me now like they're really **seeing** me.

And I have a slightly different kind of power in the workplace with male colleagues.

For those who knew me when I was fat, I would say it is not entirely a sexual kind of power. I would say they look at me the way they look at someone who handled a difficult account very well or who turned in an outstanding project right on deadline. Yes, that's exactly it: They see my weight loss effort as my having excelled on a big project that required lots of overtime.

And that's about right. As I've said before, I wish I could put it on my resume: "Project Manager for 100-Pound Weight Loss Effort."
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Old 06-24-2010, 09:14 AM   #8
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I don't think I'd date a guy who liked me now that I'm thin. If they put that much emphasis on looks, how are they going to feel when I get grey hair and wrinkles.

In reality, guys don't start liking me because I've dropped 45 pounds. Once I'm in the "friend zone," I stay there and am like one of the guys.

I think we overemphasize thinness as the sole reason guys like us. I dated a guy who wasn't interested in me and I blamed it on my weight. He has a new girlfriend now, who is quite beautiful, but much more overweight than me.

The truth was, he just wasn't that into me.
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Old 06-24-2010, 09:17 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalia View Post
I think the type of men who are rude pigs to overweight women, or treat them in an inferior manner, should be avoided once you're at goal. But the ones who were polite and friendly but just not attracted to an obese woman, I don;t think they should be condemned for it.

I think its natural to find someone fitter, healthier more attractive . Look at Mike from this season of TBL. I certainly didn't find him attractive at 520+ lbs. But at 250, he was far more attractive. I don't think that makes me a wicked person, so I can't set a diffeent standard for men.
I agree with this 100%. Because there is a difference between sexual attractiveness, and how much they like you as a person.

Statistics show that relationships work better and last longer when the parties are of similar body types. It just is how it is. And from a purely biological point of view, you shouldn't be attracted to (want to mate with) heavy people because it shows they are not healthy. We have too much of our survival instincts intact.

Yes, ideally, we fall in love purely over personality. But I'm not there yet. There is definitely a certain point where I would not be attracted to an over-weight man, so how can I begrudge them the same considerations?

All I can say is that I'm glad I met my husband when I was heavy. I don't have to worry about him leaving me if I gain weight in the future (heaven forbid). That would be my only concern with meeting someone who has a low tolerance for weight.
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Old 06-24-2010, 10:10 AM   #10
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I think we overemphasize thinness as the sole reason guys like us. I dated a guy who wasn't interested in me and I blamed it on my weight. He has a new girlfriend now, who is quite beautiful, but much more overweight than me.
I agree that we sometimes overemphasize weight. Because my weight is such a huge issue in my life I just sort of assume that my weight is an issue to other people as well. For some of them that's probably true, but for the rest of them I'm sure they don't put nearly the amount of emphasis on it that I do.

When my ex broke up with me I *knew* that my weight played a part in it because he was always commenting on women athletes and how amazing their bodies are (his favorite was Layla Ali) but his new girlfriend is bigger than me. Go figure. Guess it was just in my head!

I don't specifically know anyone that wasn't into me when I was a size 20 but is all over me now that I'm a size 14 but I'm sure it's affected some guys because I have to admit it has affected me the other way around. I have a friend that I wasn't attracted when he was really large (although we were great friends, I just wasn't sexually attracted to him) but then he lost a lot of weight and built up some muscles and now I think to myself "hey, he's pretty fine!" I feel a little guilty about it but I can't change what I'm attracted to, that's just they way it is
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Old 06-24-2010, 10:21 AM   #11
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Hmmmm...... all I know is that my husband married 126 pound me, and 17 years later, he's married to 175 lb me.

On the other hand, I married 175 lb husband, and 17 years later I am married to 233 lb husband.

Fat yes - both of us! - BUT... we still find each other very attractive. Would we both feel/look better without the extra weight? sure! - but it's not a deal breaker for either of us. (obviously, LOL!)
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Old 06-24-2010, 11:00 AM   #12
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I don't know if I could date someone who I knew felt this way. I would at least be very cautious. The possibility of regaining weight is always there, and what about gaining weight with pregnancy or age/menopause?

People's standards of attractiveness do change with age and with their attachment to their partner, however. So maybe if everything else about the guy was what you wanted, you should give it a shot.
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Old 06-24-2010, 11:39 AM   #13
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Ladies, we are overlooking one essential thing in this thread. Men, (in general) are visually stimulated into sexual arrousal. While women are emotionally stimulated.

In the beginnings of a relationship - men are looking for sexual arrousal first and are looking for that sexual attraction.

Its after they've fallen in love that the weight doesn't matter (as much). That is why husbands and wives can gain weight after marriage and still be attracted becuase the attraction has moved beyond the physical and onto the emotional.

But, if a guy is a jerk, he'll always be a jerk. And if he's rude or mean to someone who is heavy he isn't worth giving the time of day to when thin.
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Old 06-24-2010, 12:09 PM   #14
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I've never been overweight, but still understand this. I have friends(guys) who may have not been disgusted with me at my heaviest weights, but also didn't ever consider me a possible date. Like just cause I had a few extra pounds means you can't take me to the movies! Ugh. But sometimes guys will be guys. They like what they like & we're just as bad. We're more likely to date a guy we're physically attracted to as well.

I also think that a healthy body represents a healthy mind & a positive attitude. Those who love themselves enough to take care of themselves are often found more attractive & perceived to be better care-takers of others.

The funny thing I've noticed is when girls who hated you fat are jealous of you thin. They sometimes even try to be your friend. Sabotage, much? Haha, maybe they're just impressed & trying to pick up on your habits.
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Old 06-24-2010, 12:23 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chnkymonkey View Post
Ladies, we are overlooking one essential thing in this thread. Men, (in general) are visually stimulated into sexual arrousal. While women are emotionally stimulated.

In the beginnings of a relationship - men are looking for sexual arrousal first and are looking for that sexual attraction.

Its after they've fallen in love that the weight doesn't matter (as much). That is why husbands and wives can gain weight after marriage and still be attracted becuase the attraction has moved beyond the physical and onto the emotional.

But, if a guy is a jerk, he'll always be a jerk. And if he's rude or mean to someone who is heavy he isn't worth giving the time of day to when thin.
While I do agree with you, I have to say that as a woman (I'm an EXPERT woman... I've been one all my life, LOL!!) I too am visually stimulated - I've surprised myself by some of the men I've been attracted to, but the attraction part has never failed me. I could never be, nor have ever been, interested in anyone who wasn't attractive to me. No matter how sweet the guy was or how cool or funny or intelligent or rich or whatever... if I wasn't attracted to him physically, it simply wasn't gonna happen.

Some people say that's shallow. Whatever! - I just know what I like! - in the same way that I'll never become a fan of Honeydew melons. I just don't like'm!
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