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Are people nicer to you?

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Old 06-22-2010, 11:36 AM   #1
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Default Are people nicer to you?

I've lost 34 pounds, and I already feel like the general public is friendlier towards me. One of the main reasons I noticed this was that the lady who works the security desk at our building always seemed very cold to me even though I would say hi to her every morning.

Just recently she has started saying hi to me first and even smiling. Maybe this has nothing to do with me... but I've worked in this building for 5 years and this is the first time she's been nice to me. After I noticed this, I started noticing other people being more friendly or courteous too.

Has anyone else experienced this? Do you think it has to do with you being more confident, the way you carry yourself? Or do you think it has to do with the public respecting "average" weight people more?
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:47 AM   #2
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I have definitely noticed that people are friendlier towards me, and also treat me with more respect. Of course, it may have something to do with the fact that I am more confident and take better care of myself but I also think it has something to do with how people view those who are overweight. I have started to wonder if I treat average weight, attractive looking better, too... It's sad, but I think I do.
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:49 AM   #3
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I'm glad I'm not going crazy! I really have noticed a huge difference, this is among strangers, my friends treat me the same. I can't imagine how people will react towards me after another 30... It is definitely one thing about weightloss I wasn't expecting.
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:52 AM   #4
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No doubt- people respond better towards "average" size people. I've noticed the exact same thing. People, in general, have been nicer to me since I've lost weight. Though it does feel good to be noticed and have people acting more kindly towards me, it makes me sick to know that our general population divvies out less kindness solely based on someone’s weight. Sad, huh?
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:59 AM   #5
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I have noticed this, too. I have a cousin that I do not see that often...maybe one time a year. Well, when I was heavier he would talk and talk with my husband but never me. Seriously, not a word unless I asked him a question. Well, I saw him last summer and he sat by me at the family get together. My mom said you remember my daughter. He looked confused like he did not know me. He talked with me the entire visit totally ignoring my husband. It was very strange and it just made me so sad.
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:07 PM   #6
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I attribute it mostly to the change in our own attitude. Note that Danielle2842 is experiencing this now that she is "down" to the size that OP started at.
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:09 PM   #7
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I think I treat myself better as in dressing nicely and taking care of myself and have become more confident and therefore other appear kinder too!
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:12 PM   #8
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I have yet to notice this. Maybe I haven't lost enough yet, but it's probably more likely that I don't notice these things, or at least, don't relate them to weight.

I'd say it's probably both the way you are carrying yourself as well as the weight. I also think it's a perception thing, that because of your confidence, you are perceiving things in new lights. Well, though it is kind of bitter-sweet, at least it's on more reminder that you HAVE lost a lot of weight, and are looking good!
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:37 PM   #9
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There are people that are made uncomfortable by anyone morbidly obese, and there are people who are really scornful and disdainful towards people who are morbidly obese--people for whom "letting yourself go" is the worst crime in the world. In my experience, MOST people are not like this, but some are, and I've noticed a shift in a few attitudes.

Strange men talk to me more now, and are more likely to make open-ended comments that lead to more conversation. It's not hitting on me, exactly--more like not trying to avoid me. This makes me sad.
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:52 PM   #10
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In my experience after losing weight, people are nicer. I get away with so much more now that I'm smaller. Iíve lost and gained before and every time people are nicer to me when Iím not as heavy. Although, I canít say that people were mean or anything when I was heavy, just not as nice.

Itís kind of been harder because it does hurt knowing that our society places so much importance on weight. Although I do think that confidence is another reason why people are nicer, but weight still plays a role. Itís like a social status to be fit/thin.
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:52 PM   #11
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I remember a couple years ago I
went to the beach in a bikini. I didn't look bad, but
I did feel insecure. Well these tiny tiny girls looked
at me and laughed. Imagine how horrible I felt.
But then just recently I went to the beach in a
bikini and people were actually looking at me in a
GOOD way. No one laughed, no one even seemed
disgusted that I was in a bikini. I had more confidence
and I was ready to show the public that yeah, I
do still have curves and my body isn't perfect, nor
will it ever be. And I now ENVY the ladies who
are bigger than me and confident enough to wear
a swimsuit that they feel comfortable in.
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:52 PM   #12
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I've noticed this, too. For me, it raises one of those chicken-or-the-egg questions regarding what, exactly, strangers are responding to: Is it my physical confidence & self-assertiveness, my improved grooming & nicer clothing? Or is it my weight? But the weight loss resulted in the first, and shows it off, also. So for me it's an unanswerable riddle, whether people are picking up on a change in whatever, well, vibe I'm giving off or to my physically reduced size.

All I know is that I seem to have lost some kind of cloak of invisibility which I wore in public. I was overlooked, seen as part of the background or the general scene, and now I'm not.

I also think this varies, and that on some days, I move around actively shirking attention, and the weight loss doesn't seem to counter that. That would be if I try to run an errand right after leaving the gym, or on my way to the gym, with my hair still a bit sweaty, and schlumpy clothes on, and I kep my head down a little, and don't make a lot of eye contact. I always feel "fat" at such moments, and I'm not -- I didn't magically inflate back up -- so I think it's a mind game that I play with myself regarding what "feeling fat" means & what privileges in the public space I gave up voluntarily because I considered myself too fat to claim them.
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:55 PM   #13
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And oh, yeah, it's most noticeable with men who don't know me, passing strangers in public. The strangest thing about this whole self-improvement project of mine is what it's teaching me about a woman becoming visible mostly because she's seen as sexually viable, like an actual option, instead of someone who's deemed sexless for being too matronly, too old, too fat, too whatever.
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Old 06-22-2010, 01:18 PM   #14
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I definitely notice this and it makes me think people are so fake/shallow. Mostly the ones who weren't as nice to me as they are now.

I try to not think this way because I know not all people are like that.
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Old 06-22-2010, 01:35 PM   #15
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I'm nicer to myself, so people want to be nicer to me. I don't think they're treating me differently because of the weight loss - even though I've lost over 40lbs, I only lost 1 dress size - but rather how I carry myself and treat others. I'm more confident and happier and have more energy, and I think people pick up on that.
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