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Old 06-22-2010, 02:18 PM   #16  
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I agree that the change is due to my change in attitude and new found confidence. I much more outgoing now as well. I do however feel like I'm getting a little attitude from heavier people that I don't recall getting in the past. Sort of just a defense mechanism I think, but I may projecting that, I don't know. In general though my interactions with people are much much different, but again I attribute it to my attitude.
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Old 06-22-2010, 02:40 PM   #17  
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I think I embodied the "jolly fat person" type of thing. It's hard to be mean to people when they're smiling at you. I don't notice a difference except at restaurants. I get asked more if that's "really all I want?" and I say yes.

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Old 06-22-2010, 02:45 PM   #18  
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Definitely! I’ve noticed this a lot recently. People speak to ME first now. Like on my walks every afternoon, I pass a lot of runners and bikers and walkers, men and women, and I definitely hear more hi’s than I did before!
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Old 06-22-2010, 02:59 PM   #19  
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I think people basically react to what we put out there. I know when I'm at my heaviest, I feel unhappy, self-conscious and not really in the mood to deal with other people (because my confidence is in the dumps). People pick up on those things, and most tend to stay away. Once I begin losing weight, I feel more confident, there's a little sway to my hips (lol) and I begin to be friendlier, which results in others being more friendly to me. Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think it's about the weight. I think it's the vibe people get from you.
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Old 06-22-2010, 03:18 PM   #20  
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People respond more positively to confidence. Lots of research on this. One study I read of was rather funny. When people spoke confidently, even when their statements were known to be inaccurate, other people still saw and followed the confident person as a leader. You don't have to know what you're talking about, you just have act as if you do, and people will follow you, even if they know you're leading them the wrong way.

People also respond more positively to more attractive people (there's a lot of research to back this up too). Even just looking at photos, people will sort them according to attractiveness when asked to sort them based on how competent, intelligent, friendly...

When asked to sort the photos on bad qualities (selfishness, rudeness, aggression, law-breaking, stupidity...), it works in reverse. We see it in the movies, the "bad guys" are almost always less attractive than the "good guys".


My thin sister (well, she's only now starting to put on a bit of weight at 30), has always been shy. She's very cute, and I can't believe she hasn't had more friends and dates, but she's painfully shy (although she's a riot once she's comfortable). It makes it hard for her to meet people, because she doesn't make eye contact, and all of her body language says "keep away from me."

I've always been friendly, confident, and outgoing to a greater than average degree. I've never had problems making friends, but I was usually the person to make the first move (and keep making them if I had to). It did bite me in the butt, a little in that I was so outgoing with platonic friends, that men who were interested in becoming more than friends assumed that if I'd been interested, I would have said something. On a couple occasions, I learned after the fact that a guy I'd been interested in, had also been interested in me. Still I had more "luck" with interpersonal relationships than a lot of my thinner and prettier friends, so confidence has worked pretty well for me. I didn't have tons of male attention, but I did date some very nice guys (when I got brave enough to ask them out or brave enough to notice when they were asking me out).


And yet, it's not the whole picture. I've met people who have responded so hostiley to me, that I suspected or knew that it stemmed from my weight. For all I know, those who didn't tell me outright that it was my weight, may have hated all women, or all cheerful people, or blue eyes....

People respond to the package. There are a lot of ways to grab people's attentions and leave a positive impression. The physical package is one of the most universal. A smile can open a lot of doors, and so can attractiveness.


On a side note,

I found it really weird that even men who weren't attracted to me, responded well to cleavage (what's that about?) I didn't really notice it (because I wasn't one to expose much cleavage) until I wore a ren fairesque, "wench" costume at a Halloween party. Even though I weighed 350 lbs, I got more friendly male attention that night than I experienced ever in my life. It would be indecent to expose that much boobage on a regular basis, but it was a learning experience (and boosted my body-image).

Last edited by kaplods; 06-22-2010 at 03:20 PM.
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Old 06-22-2010, 03:27 PM   #21  
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I seriously was thinking yesterday, how funny it is, that all of the sudden am not invisible anymore!!! I have not had anyone address me in public that I did not know, in a long time.. I have only lost 15 lbs, but I have noticed that people are talking to me in just random situations... Weird, I would think the bigger you are you stand out, but clearly it is the oppisite!!
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Old 06-22-2010, 05:07 PM   #22  
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I dunno, I really do think people are nicer when you get thinner. Definitely, the confidence plays a huge role. People who like themselves and believe in themselves are much more attractive in general. But weight plays a big part.

Someone mentioned that Danielle was experiencing this increase of attention at a weight that was the OPs highest. But the more you weigh, the more invisible you are. So who knows what kind of attention (or lack thereof) Danielle received at her high weight. So what OP finds to be no attention from people, Danielle might find to be a big improvement from where she was.

I experienced this myself. If I'm having a good day, where I'm not feeling shy and I'm feeling confident, then I get an obscene amount of attention. People are nice to me everywhere I go, it's weird. But even when I'm having a bad day where I feel shy, I'm not dressed cute, my eyebrows need to be done, and I have no makeup, people are still nicer to me than when I was 260.

The vibe I got from people at my biggest that had to interact with me was like "I better not be too nice to her, I don't want her to think I like her..."

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Old 06-22-2010, 05:10 PM   #23  
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I'm noticing a lot of male attention! When I was younger, I was 126 pounds or so, but had big boobs and was curvy. I got a lot of attention at the time but didn't understand or care for it. Went all the way up to 194 pounds and met my fiance who loved me for me, and loves that I'm curvy.

Now I'm at 168, and just last week I was waiting to cross the street and some young college age guys were calling me beautiful and talking to me from their car! Granted I'm 23 so we were probably the same age, but I'm not used to that kind of attention from younger guys. If I do get hit on it's usually creepy old men who will think I'll go for them just cus I'm heavier.

And now I've got my downstairs neighbor and a guy at work giving me a lot of attention, which I'm not used to either so I take it all innocently. Boy, is Dylan jealous! He bought me a CD, surprised me with peanut butter cups, and professed his love to me and said he was worried about all these guys. I guess he's not used to others hitting on me, haha. I have never ever seen him get jealous.

But who cares about all those other guys, I'm enjoying Dylans appreciative looks as I become more toned and healthy

But it is odd getting attention that you never got before, the guy from work I met when I was new and when I was still larger, now I've seen him again for the first time since then as he's been put on my team. Kinda makes me grossed out because why is it now I'm suddenly special? I was always a good person who was kind to others.

Anyways, this turned kinda long, but you get my point.

Last edited by StephanieM; 06-22-2010 at 05:12 PM.
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Old 06-22-2010, 05:22 PM   #24  
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OodlesofNoodles wrote:
Quote:
The vibe I got from people at my biggest that had to interact with me was like "I better not be too nice to her, I don't want her to think I like her..."
Yeah, that. Or else: "If I'm too nice to her, she might start following me around & I might get stuck talking with her for a long period of time. I may not be able to extricate myself easily."

Or: "If I'm too nice to her, someone else might see it, and they might think that I like her, and the guys will give me all kinds of grief for that."

Nobody wants to be burdened by a fat girl.

(Not even the fat girl herself, really. It's why we're all working on ourselves here.)

When I get that vibe, it's an instant launch backward to high school, or even before that, & my very worst days as a fat girl.

Fortunately now I'm generally not taken for a fat girl, but I remember being stigmatized all too clearly, so I know when someone's dealing with me without any distate or even revulsion in their manner.

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Old 06-22-2010, 05:39 PM   #25  
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Just to clarify, I have always been very outgoing and confident. Office jokster, party planner, the one who everyone calls to find out what is going on that weekend.

I was mainly referring to complete strangers who don't really get to know you, are just in situations with you - for example, the front desk lady. I smiled and said hi EVERY morning for two years and she would just mumble under her breath. Now she smiles at me and says hi first!

Also, a lot more doors have been opened for me! Literally, people stop and hold the door for me all the time. That rarely happened at my high weight.

Or when I'm on the bus people will move things off their seat to let me sit by them, before they would pretend not to see me and leave their packages in the extra seat...

I also think that these degrees of "nice" get even better when weight goes down. Many of my thin friends have their bills paid anonymously at restaurants. Or clerks at stores pull strings to get them deals or help solve their problems. Those things do not happen to me at my current weight, even though I would say I'm the extrovert out of all of them.

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Old 06-22-2010, 06:44 PM   #26  
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I think its human nature and survival... if you search far enough in our subconscious... i'd imagine a person automatically avoids someone who is heavier/extremely underweight

As weird as it sounds, other animals do it too. In most cases its for Smaller/weaker/sick. But i'd imagine to a human on that level being obese would be almost the exact same. Just like being extremely under weight, people avoid a person. Because imagine in cave man days... what would the use of an obese person or a severly underweight person be? There wouldnt be one. They would slow down the "tribe" if you will.


Maybe thats just me thinking out of the box



PS i know my spelling is terrible.

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Old 06-22-2010, 09:55 PM   #27  
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I'm kind of the opposite right now ... heavier than I was ever.

From this I can honestly say, that yes, I got treated much nicer by people when I weighed 160, as opposed to this weight. Strangers were much friendlier, and one thing that sticks in my mind is going in the perfume/cosmetics in a big department store, and when I was thinner, almost every woman working wanted to give me a sample or try something on me. Now, at this weight, none even smile or say a word.

I take very good care of myself, and actually probably over-compensate to try to stay away from that "sloppy fat woman" mentality that people seem to have.

One thing I have noticed lately is the reception by people when I go for job interviews. It's like they are all impressed with my experience and qualifications, but then they see me and I'm crossed off.

It's really quite sad, and I hate to feel that there are so many judgemental and cruel people out there.

Normal sized people definitely get the better side of it.
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:31 PM   #28  
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I can defintiely relate...when I was 15 I went from 240 - 170 & all of a sudden poeple everywhere were so much nicer to me & boys actually liked me too!! I was told OMG YOU ARE SO PRETTY instead of just hearing OH YOU HAVE SUCH A PRETTY FACE ..yeaaa I def felt different & was real popular throughout h.s too...speed up about 5 yrs I gained all my weight back & then some right before my 21st bday...i stopped going out with friends bc I was so embarrassed of myself & yea people weren't as nice to me anymore by NO MEANS..I didn't get hit on anymore or very rarely (not saying like that should matter but my point is obviously GUYS ARE SHALLOW! lol but I was with my b.f throughout all this so that didnt even matter..lol JUST making a point) The nice comments from people quickly stopped..I was a waitress too..so I had to interact with ALOT of people on a daily basis...& so many people started telling me how beautiful I would be if i lost some weight (like I didnt already know that & excuse me..so im not pretty bc im plus size??) I had this guy once actually staring at me the whole time I waited on him, then as I was adding up his check he comes up to me..right in my face & starts saying like in condescending way CHICKEN..FISH..FRUIT..LETTUCE...etc.. yea he started naming food to me!!! SO i said excuse me sir???? So he felt it was necessary to semi-shout (even though he was already in my face) WHAT ARE YOU DOIN?? YOU ARE WASTING THAT GORGEOUS FACE ON THAT BODY!! Yea no lie he said this to me!! I shoved his check at him & walked away. & omg all the cooks that I worked with along with so many more customers would tell me JUST LOSE WEIGHT YOUR TOO PRETTY...ughhh if i had a dollar for everytime I heard that I would be rich!! Then this one lady that would always come into the diner...one day she said to me YOU ARE SOO CUTE BUT CAN I ASK U SOMETHING (I thought ughhh here it comess!!!) WHY ARE YOU SOOOO BIG??? yupp thats what she asked me infront of about 20 customers....I just walked away..Then last year I worked at a bank & my manager was a really fit girl i mean her body was fantastic.. & she was soo nice to everyone, but when it came to me she acted really weird & distant..never smiled or said good morning..&I would always catch her staring at me & sizing me up & down everytime I got up, I mean not just normal looks either like deadly stares! & she always made it a point to talk right infront of me about how she runs 5 miles every morning & drinks nothing but water and green tea..& I could tell like everytime she looked at me I felt she HATED ME or something!! I'm not lying! Like I know there are people that exist on this world that just hate overweight people...She was def one of them...She made me so uncomfortable that I actually couldn't take it anymore & quit! So yea I've seen & heard it all!!

so YES MOST DEFINITELY people are sooo different when your thin & fit in to "society's so called standards of whats normal or pretty.... uhhhh.....yea so now Im 23 & finally losing! after almost 3 yrs of harsh brutality!! & to be honest Im not doing it for ANYONE else but me...I could care less what people think of me...Im doing it bc I want to wear cute clothes, be confident and not die of a heart attack at 30...uhhhhh people really can stink cant they!! LOL

GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE ON THERE JOURNEY!
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:57 PM   #29  
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Yeah I mean I've noticed it too and I attribute some of it to my own shift in my attitudes and clothing options, but a lot of it also to the way that "different" people are stigmatized. Being overweight is considered a flaw in large part in our society.
I think when people see the Other, they are looking for things to admire - maybe someone that leads an interesting life, has witty things to say, or seems incredibly intelligent, has an amazing body - things that they themselves want more of in themselves or identify with. Fat is identified as such a negative trait, and seeing another person whose flaw(s) are not yet to be identified and whose flaw(s) are so easy to point out with support from popular culture, it can be seen as a turnoff to getting to know that person because now that person has come to symbolize a major flaw- much like if we see a person being overly emotional or something we personally might disapprove of, we may avoid this person. This depends on all people of course, or everyone would be mean to all overweight people.. but I think its partial explanation for a general popular view on people overweight. Also, to be caught conversing with this person would admit a general acceptance of their weight and we may fear that it may send a message about ourselves to others. It's strange.'
I think its a combination of not wanting to identify with someone whose perceived flaw is fully on display and this also means a fear of how others perceive the person and also an acceptance that associating with those who are of a certain size/shape implies a certain acceptance of this flaw (not saying that this is correct or right but it's so easily on display & faster to draw conclusions from than say, associating with someone who is dim-witted but whose appearances are highly approved of by popular culture).

I definitely have noticed people being nicer to me,but I also noticed that when I was bigger and changed how I dressed it also made a difference. It can depend on a variety of things but I think in general, the stigma involved with being "fat" is a powerful thing in itself.

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Old 06-23-2010, 12:06 AM   #30  
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I was thinking more on this...

I think alot of people see it as a fixable "disease". That in turn makes them "aggressive/angry/rude" etc.. They look at someone who is bigger and think "wow.. they could do something about that, but obviously they dont".

I dont see a problem in not being attracted to bigger people, that isnt shallow. I really dont think it is.. but to be MEAN to someone because they are bigger? Thats shallow.


Most people avoid larger people too because ALOT are unhappy... who wants to be with grumpy all day?
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