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Old 06-07-2010, 06:09 AM   #1
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hey all -- are any of u having people giving you a hard time about ur weight loss. a lot of people lately have been saying to me that i'm only losing weight for 'vanity' reasons and image or to impress men rather than for health reasons. they tell me i didn't look fat in the first place and that i should stop trying to lose weight now. it's really frustrating honestly to have people think I would work out just to impress people when all I've been doing is working hard to become healthy and taking care of myself. I've been seeing some of my friendships become awkward and it really doesn't make any sense to me why people have to act this way. ...just ranting
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Old 06-07-2010, 06:12 AM   #2
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those people are probably jealous of the fact that you're empowered at the moment and in charge of this aspect of your life.

it's sad, but friendships get defined and re-defined all the time, and people many times surprise you both positively and negatively.

you know the truth, you know the facts, just shrug it off girl..
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Old 06-07-2010, 06:41 AM   #3
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There's also nothing wrong with trying to lose weight to change how people see you: the fact is, "fat" carries a lot of negative connotations in society--not just romantically, but professionally and socially. There's nothing wrong with being aware of that fact.
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Old 06-07-2010, 07:00 AM   #4
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While I do have a lot of supporters in my family, I have one cousin who is so , I don't know if it is even jealousy, but after I had lost 50 pounds she had decided to start passing around that I had weight loss surgery. Now there is nothing wrong with the surgery, I have nothing against it. But I did NOT have surgery. I just started watching what I ate and became more active. Something I have lost count on the time I have told her that, and only because she ASKED for help in losing weight. I even offered to take her to my gym, gave her the phone number and got her a membership deal cause she is family.

The point I am trying to make in that long winded story is, keep doing this for you! You will always have people that instead of complimenting you an pushing you forward, they want to throw a brick wall in your path. The thing I did was step back and think about the person who was trying to bring me down. Are they over weight? Have they always been over weight? In your time of knowing them, have they ever tried to lose weight? Or just a big talker about doing it (like my cousin) . Then look at those answers. If these people have always never been supportive, then in my opinion it is time to cut them loose, stop talking to them. This is your life style change, to make a better YOU, you don't need people like that in your life!
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Old 06-07-2010, 07:17 AM   #5
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I have a "friend" at work who always congratulated me on my weight loss and tells me how good I look every week she sees me, then all of a sudden she started telling me that I shouldn't be vain? I have never been a vain person and never will, I have no idea where that came from.
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Old 06-07-2010, 07:46 AM   #6
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Jelousy FACT

Take no notice , stay with 3fc for support . Keep up ya weightloss , will sicken them.

Good for u girl u must be looking FAB
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Old 06-07-2010, 08:49 AM   #7
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I think it sometimes has to do with our weight-loss showing people what they could do, if they would just buckle down and commit. But obviously they haven't, and it makes them feel bad, so they take it out on us. It's a shame, but that's human nature, I guess.
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Old 06-07-2010, 09:32 AM   #8
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First, I want to agree that it's most definitely coming from a darker place (jealousy, etc) BUT they probably aren't aware that that is what they are feeling. Most people aren't THAT mean at heart, so keep that in mind.

You know why you are losing weight. If they are too stupid or insecure to see the health reasons, then who cares? You are doing this for YOU and your reasons are what counts.

And I agree with Shmead- even if you were losing to look better, what is the harm in that? Really, they want to fault you for wanting to look better? Oh, I'm sure they've never done anything in life purely to look better or be healthier. Seriously, unless your weight loss puts you in to "unhealthy under weight," who are they to judge for whatever the reasons are? Gah, people!

Maybe what they meant was something more like, "Good job, but you know I never saw you as 'fat' right? You don't need to lose to prove anything to anyone." Well. You can hope.
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Old 06-07-2010, 10:05 AM   #9
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I've been vain all my life. Crazy vain. Hair always had to be "just so"... nails always perfectly manicured... full make-up just to run to the store for milk. WHAT A PITA!!!!

Thank the goddesses I'm older & wiser now!!! I often wrap my hair into a braid straight from the shower to keep it out of my way! A little make up is fine, no make up is totally OK. If my nails aren't perfectly manicured, then yippee - it gives me something to do with my hands besides put food in them to transfer to my mouth, LOL!!

My weight loss efforts ARE for my health. Not that I don't care how I look anymore, cause I do. But I'm more concerned about my health than my vanity at this point.

Some people JUST DON'T GET IT I reckon!
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Old 06-07-2010, 10:11 AM   #10
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If you are doing this in a healthy way, I don't find your goal for your height unreasonable or there being a problem with it. I have similar goals and I'm the same height!

Just say "Thanks, but this isn't up for discussion."

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Old 06-07-2010, 11:12 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fivestone View Post
I think it sometimes has to do with our weight-loss showing people what they could do, if they would just buckle down and commit. But obviously they haven't, and it makes them feel bad, so they take it out on us. It's a shame, but that's human nature, I guess.
haha exactly. There have been many times that my friends will talk about weight loss which they've done great and are still losing. Then there will be these women who will say (as if someone is probing them) "Well, I know I could lose too but I choose to focus on my kids rather then my looks." I do see this as jealousy.
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Old 06-07-2010, 11:34 AM   #12
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I will keep moving forward and ignore all that negativity. thanks everyone i love 3FC u all are the best
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Last edited by caliyah : 06-07-2010 at 12:17 PM.
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Old 06-07-2010, 12:37 PM   #13
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Maybe it's jealously, maybe it's not, but weight loss is also a subject that is still somewhat taboo. I wish it weren't so, because I'ld love to be able to discuss it in more places, more comfortably and rationally (Thank God and the 3FC's for this site where we break the taboos in order to support each other).

However, I've noticied (since I began wishing that dieting and fat weren't such hot button issues) that people are more sensitive to criticism and more easily offended where weightloss is concerned, than almost anything else.

I want to be clear that I'm not saying that the friends' comments weren't rude and uncalled for, and I'm not accusing you of overreacting (by social convention, you're entitled to be annoyed or even offended).

However, I've noticed that you can criticise almost any other aspect of a person's life and they'll disagree with you, but not take it personally. You can almost question a person's parenting choices, politics, religious beliefs and spending practicies more easily, with less risk of offense than their weight loss strategies and motivation.

Opinions are like... (well you know that one). Somehow when people have crazy ideas about what we should be doing in other areas of our lives, we just roll our eyes (even if it's only inside our own head, as we pretend to consider the advice), and the criticism barely fazes us (yeah, there are exceptions. There are topics which are just as taboo, and a bad day can make the silliest of criticisms sting).

I know when someone spouts off about how I should spend my money or my political views (and religion for that matter), it can inspire a discussion or a debate that can become quite passionate, but I don't feel personally attacked (even when the person seems to be trying to make it so). I'm trying to cultivate that same confidence where weight loss is concerned...

... because I think it is largely a matter of confidence. When you're confident in your choices, the criticism just doesn't sting as much, even when someone means it as an attack. It's like someone criticising you for having freckles, or criticising the color of your car. So what if they like red and you like yellow (my all-time favorite car was a bright yellow Ford Festiva - boy did I get a lot of flack for that car. It was funny at first, but even the funniest joke wears out it's welcome eventually, "I get it, my car looks like a tiny, little school bus - well more of a clown car... HAHA, very funny can you at least come up with a joke I haven't already heard 10,000 times."

Ok, starting to ramble WAY off topic (that's sort of my trademark).
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Old 06-07-2010, 12:59 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom4life View Post
haha exactly. There have been many times that my friends will talk about weight loss which they've done great and are still losing. Then there will be these women who will say (as if someone is probing them) "Well, I know I could lose too but I choose to focus on my kids rather then my looks." I do see this as jealousy.
I really don't give a rats patoot what people think about why I'm doing this, but I've actually had some one tell me I should be more concerned with my child (He's 16 months) than going to the gym and working out to 'attract a man'
That bothered me . . . a lot. But my answer seemed to put them in their place when I said "Why do you think I'm doing this now? Don't you want you're kids to be healthy growing up and develop a healthy lifestyle so they don't have to struggle when they are adults? How am I supposed to teach him to eat healthy, enjoy being active and have a good life if I'm not doing those things?"
It's a bigger picture for me, I'm teaching myself the right things to do now so he grows up with that being normal and he'll never have the issues I did growing up.
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Old 06-07-2010, 01:56 PM   #15
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Cali, being that you're 5'8..despite your weight, without a doubt you are most likely (visually) looking like you are about 175/180 which is a nice & head turning condition for 5'8. They're just envious. Not just of your figure...but of the control that you are keeping over yourself. Control can tend to be intimidating. My theory is that if you have "haters" ...you're doing something right.

Of course you're doing it for your health, in the same boat here. But vanity comes into play & who the heck doesn't want to feel confident, sexy..& attract the eye of another?! Vanity is one of my reasons. It's natural. Celebrate your feminism & tell the haters, "bite me."
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