a lot of people lately have been saying to me that i'm only losing weight for 'vanity' reasons and image or to impress men rather than for health reasons.
I'm sorry - I had to chuckle... I can't speak for others here... but I am certainly not trying to lose weight to look worse! Of course we want to look better! Health can be a huge motivator, but so can looks and I don't think there is anything wrong with that - especially if the end result is better health and high self-confidence.
losing weight definitely changes the dynamics in a relationship - some people are threatened by a friend or coworker becoming more attractive, particularly if part of their identity is that they consider themselves the more attractive one. And some of it is that they may want to have someone for company to eat unhealthy food with. Or it could be jealousy and resentment that you are accomplishing something they wish they could do themselves but they aren't willing to make that choice and put in the effort.
The reality is that you'll probably never fully know anyone's motivation for making negative comments. All you can do is figure out a way to handle the comments so that it doesn't detract you from what you need to do. Personally, I sometimes find it helps to put people off by just agreeing with them. So for instance, if someone says you are only losing weight to look good and attract guys, just grin and say that's right, I'm going to be beating them off with a stick by the time I get done!! You just agreed with what they were saying, so how are they supposed to argue with you now? lol! You don't have to really believe it, it's just a way to get them to back down.
My ex is the only one who "gives me crap" about my losing weight, but I'm not surprised about that one. When I was dating him I weighed a healthy 140-150lbs and he constantly told me I was TOO skinny and I needed to gain weight. I gained well over 100lbs. I'm only 50lbs shy of being 140lb again and he's been making smart-a** comments about it, but I don't care what he says...hes a jerk. My current boyfriend is very supportive and I'm happy which is all that matters
I get criticism too, mostly people saying "I'm just concerned that you're going to hurt yourself if you go to the gym"... Really? Because I'm not hurting myself by not going to the gym and just getting bigger??
One thing that I genuinely believe is true - women frequently make friends with people that they got along with but that are not "threats" to them. They become comfortable feeling confident that they are not the fat friend, they are the one who gets asked for their number when you go out or whatever. You are fun to be with, a good wing woman, and absolutely no threat to whatever they feel they want. When you start to lose weight, look better, feel better, have more confidence - you become a threat and they WILL try to make you feel bad or convince you that its not good for you to keep THEMSELVES in a better position in the friendship. Goodness, I've had "friends" who, after hearing that I'm upset about my weight or starting to lose weight - will go out of their way to call to tell me about how much attention they are getting from men, or how good they look in their new bikinis, etc... or will try to come over to take me out for ice cream...
Just brush it off and work out that much harder. Some friends will come and go as you change yourself for the better and if your friends can't handle you wanting to do things for yourself, then they arent very good friends!
I get criticism too, mostly people saying "I'm just concerned that you're going to hurt yourself if you go to the gym"... Really? Because I'm not hurting myself by not going to the gym and just getting bigger??
One thing that I genuinely believe is true - women frequently make friends with people that they got along with but that are not "threats" to them. They become comfortable feeling confident that they are not the fat friend, they are the one who gets asked for their number when you go out or whatever. You are fun to be with, a good wing woman, and absolutely no threat to whatever they feel they want. When you start to lose weight, look better, feel better, have more confidence - you become a threat and they WILL try to make you feel bad or convince you that its not good for you to keep THEMSELVES in a better position in the friendship. Goodness, I've had "friends" who, after hearing that I'm upset about my weight or starting to lose weight - will go out of their way to call to tell me about how much attention they are getting from men, or how good they look in their new bikinis, etc... or will try to come over to take me out for ice cream...
Just brush it off and work out that much harder. Some friends will come and go as you change yourself for the better and if your friends can't handle you wanting to do things for yourself, then they arent very good friends!
You got it completely right. I have always been the 'jolly' and 'dependable' non-threatening fat friend with zero confidence who didn't mind listening to my friends talk about how amazing their lives were. Now that I'm getting my life together I'm seeing many of those same friends not being happy for me or having our friendship break down. But I"m glad to have found 3FC where weight loss isn't taboo and everyone is just so amazing.
I get it all the time especially from other over weight people!!! Most people are supportive and even if they werent I would not care. Im doing this for ME!
Ugh! I know where everyone's coming from. A few weeks ago I saw an old acquaintance at a soccer game and she noticed I'd lost weight. Instead of congratulating me or saying something nice, she asked me very accusingly "What'd you do, stop eating?" like I had just become an anorexic or something. I told her I lost it by counting calories and exercising and she kind of rolled her eyes at me.
I think that these kinds of comments can be made for two reasons, some people just don't know how to react and say the first thing that pops into their head, with no bad intentions or anything; and the other reason being that they really are jealous and want to make you feel bad about something really great that you're doing for yourself.
Keep up the great work! You why you're losing and no one else should be able to tell you otherwise.
I've occasionally had women tell me that I needed to stop losing, or that I've lost enough. Seriously, I weigh 174 at 5'6"...it is perfectly obvious that I have extra weight still to lose. I like to take their comments as meaning "you've done a great job!", but why can't they just say that?
Men rarely ever comment on my weight, and when they do it is always a compliment....I'd probably deck one if they said something obnoxious. Maybe that's why guys think I'm intimidating......
Last edited by MonteCristo; 06-11-2010 at 08:51 AM.
When I started losing weight, I had maybe lost 15 pounds when a co-worker said (in a very serious tone), "You really don't need to lose any more weight." I was still in the "obese" BMI range and didn't understand why she said that. Later I found out she had undergone weight loss surgery a few years ago, and from looking at her, I can tell it didn't work the way she had hoped it would. I don't know why she is still heavy, I didn't ask. But I felt a little offended at her comment. Then I just let it go...didn't say anything.
I know why I am losing weight and improving my life. I don't worry about what others think.
