Control, Control, Control...
 

I feel like I used to have self-control. Surely, at some point, I was 'in charge' of my life.

My last month of community college was not really stressful, but the future beyond it was. I started eating and relaxing on my exercising. I blamed the all-you-can-eat cafeteria. And while that blame probably stands, it's not exactly helping me now that I'm living in my rental house three hours from home with a real kitchen and my own food budget.

This is my first time totally on my own financially and domestically. I'm struggling to secure sixty hours of work/week so that I manage my rent and utilities and food costs. As it is, I'll barely break even. And I haven't been able to actually START working yet. The prospect frightens me in itself (my first real job(s).)

So, yes. Stress is a part of this lovely five-pound gain I've experienced over the past month or so. Honestly, however, I've been toying around 145-148 since Spring Break. And ever since then...whoops, there went my self-control.

I had a really gratifying time, working my behind off (rather literally.) I'm starting to wonder, though, if I can ever really get back on the wagon. Already I've thrown away a carton of ice cream my mom bought when she helped me move in last week. I am throwing away half a package of Twix my brother-in-law bought when he came to visit last weekend. I feel wasteful, but I need to get it OUT of the house. My peanut butter and jelly sandwich fetish is difficult enough to deal with. My family is just trying to help, but that isn't helping. Now that they have all scattered and I am alone in a too-big and too-quiet house...well. You understand. I'm scared and upset and bored and lonely and yet there is always the solace of cooking/baking...and eating...food.

I don't really expect any sympathy for the weight gain on this post. I may not have self-control, but I know when I need to just fess up. I've been a lazy hog and that's what happens when you abandon reason. However, I could really use a hug and assurances that being an adult isn't really as all around terrifying as I think it is

I really wish my anxiety issues weren't nudging in my eating issues. One issue at a time, please. I've never been a strong multi-tasker.

Thanks, chickies. I hope you won't mind seeing more of me in the weeks to come.

It sounds like you do need a hug :hug:.

It is scary going out on your own but you would not want to stay with your parents forever, would you? :) You will get used to it and it will get better. Hang in there!

I look at things from the mom's point of view. Your family were just trying to help by bringing you comfort food. If you think they might do that again, gently ask them to not, as you don't want to gain weight. You can also say, fruit and veggies are always welcome! My daughter said that to me and I understood. She actually said fruit, veggies and paper products are always welcome. A little humor can help with these types of discussions. I often show up with paper towels or toilet paper. :dizzy: Now that she has a baby, I bring diapers.

Anyway, I think that a little anxiety is to be expected with your circumstances. It was great that you tossed the junk. Keep the house stocked with good foods and it will be easier.

I have been doing A LOT of thinking lately... and I was feeling like you do. Feeling like if I could only have control over myself - control what I was eating, when I was exercising, etc. - then I could surely reach my goal. But the more I think and the more I read what other people say on 3fatchicks and the more I read self help/weight loss books... The more I am beginning to think that controlling what and how much I eat isn't the issue. I think the issue is focusing on WHY I eat and what other ways I can deal with stress, boredom, lack of time to prepare meals, etc. other than just eating or grabbing garbage to eat.

For me, I think this is going to be a very personal, internal journey. And I hear you saying a lot of things to yourself that I say to myself. I have told myself that I have no self-control. That I am weak. That I am lazy. But WE ARE NOT lazy, we are NOT weak and we DO have self-control.

Try to talk positive to yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back for pitching the ice cream and twix!! That is awesome! You ARE strong!

What can you do when you are bored or alone other than eat? I have rediscovered our town library. (I enjoy reading) What about coffee with a friend? Going for a walk? Arts and crafts?


:grouphug:


You are doing awesome!

You need to look at the huge positive right now - you have no one to please but you. Surely you've read posts here where people have difficulties preparing healthy meals because of the likes/dislikes/needs of their families. You can do whatever you want! If you want a big plate of roasted brussel sprouts for dinner - you can do it.

You are on the right track, clean out everything you don't want to eat. Then, make a menu plan (every meal and snack!) for one week. Go buy all the ingredients, then live the plan.

Good luck with your new job!

I think throwing out free food exhibits tons of self control. Go you!

Since you have time to be bored now, but anticipate having very little time later, what would you think about taking some time now to fix healthy meals for your freezer that you can use later when your job starts?

Hugs!

I think you're not the only woman for whom control of her eating serves as a metaphor for the larger issue of control of her life.

Same with me. I may not be able to control how my performance at work is perceived, but I can control what I put in my mouth today & whether I exercise.

The hardest thing is accepting that life is pretty disorderly & despite our best efforts, sort of happens exactly as it feels like happening. I think you can handle this.

Think of all the inept people, far less thoughtful than you, who have somehow managed to achieve a semblance of an adult life. You can do that, too.

Also be proud of what you've done. It isn't easy. It does mean something, but maybe you've forgotten, since you're in the middle of it. I don't have to go back that many generations in my family before I find women who never graduated from anything, not even high school, & who never had apartments of their own or made it on their own for any period of time at all -- they married straight out of their parents' houses & moved into their husbands' parents' homes. They didn't have to acquire a lot of the skills that you're learning. Yes, it is hard. But you're gonna be very good at it in a couple years.

I think we onbly have a certain amount of control to divide amongst our life problkems. The probs we have, the more thinly 'tis spread. Especially with school during finals, it's all I can do do to keep a lid on my eating and expenses.

Needing to work 60 hours a week sounds terrifying, but you'll be proud of yourself once you start succeeding in it. I don't work that much, but I do work and attend school at the same time so that I can manage my finances. It's tiring, it's tough, but it reminds me I'm amazing ;)

You're amazing too :)

Wow! You do sound stressed!! Consider yourself HUGGED! :hug:

Here's a wee bit of advice...

1st... Don't stress! - while being an adult IS as terrifying as you think it is, that's part of the coolness of BEING an adult. YOU get to make the decisions, YOU get to say when enough is enough, YOU get to do what YOU want to do. It's mainly just prioritizing!

2nd... Don't worry about throwing food out!- better to go to WASTE than to go to WAIST!

And 3rd...May I make a suggestion? Because you really do sound very stressed out... give YOGA a try.
:yoga:
Seriously. All that stretching & deep breathing - you might be surprised how well it helps with the stress! And when the de-stressing is done, your mind will be clearer and your self-control will be stronger.

And as my favorite crooner Jimmy Buffett sings.... "Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On" :D