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I guess bad days are going all around the place.

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Old 05-26-2010, 04:37 PM   #1
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Default I guess bad days are going all around the place.

I'm in Highschool, I'm sixteen. I'm still learning, still growing (to a point). When I go to school I feel alone. I know, a lot of people do it's just "that stage" in your life but what about when you're my size? Other students, teachers even, talking about how being fat is bad. Not directed at anyone, of course not, but knowing that you're included in their opinion, that you're one of those people that find so gross and disgusting, makes me want to just die. I didn't want to be this big. Never ever. I didn't know what a calorie was, what it did until last year! I was always told "just eat less and exercise more" but where was I suppose to start? I was eating so much and eating less than I was still wouldn't have been enough to lose anything even with exercise. I hate going to school knowing what people think of me, and even if they don't say it they've said it and I know. No one notices me, what I'm trying to do so they just go on thinking the same things. I don't normally get this upset over something so small but today in class this girl was messing around with her boyfriend, joking around and stuff, and she started calling herself fat and she weighs like 120 at the most. She knows she isn't fat. I know that every women no matter what weight is going to have those days but if she sees herself that way what does she see in me? My friend, even. There's this girl that was annoying her, my friend called her fat. This girl is maybe 140, 150 max so what does my own friend see every time I go to talk to her?
I inherited my mom's low self esteem. She doesn't like herself, she tells me every day what she doesn't like "her face" "her weight" etc. When I was younger I would ask her "Mom am I fat" when kids would make fun of me and she said "You are what you are...I am, too." I know what she sees in herself, so what is she seeing in me?
I know losing weight is good but to get a little Ellen Burstyn-y up in here "I do it but why should I?".
Yeah, yeah "you've got to find a reason". But I can't. I know that there's my health to think of, feeling better, lots of things like that but...to be honest right now at this very moment they all seem so small compared to just...just wanting people to stop thinking so badly of me. I never did anything to them...I never even meant to do this to myself, so why am I so gross to them?
Is it just my size, is it possibly when I sit down my thighs go past the seat? Possibly on hotter days I do sweat a little more, or the swingy arms? That's why I feel so alone, because I'm one of the only girls in the school who has to deal with problems like that.
I know I've veered this thing in about seven different directions but I'm pretty upset.

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Old 05-26-2010, 04:45 PM   #2
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Awwww bunny!!!!!

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It's been a long time since I was a teenager, but I do remember feeling outcast many times. Just know that there ARE other girls out there who are 120, 140, 160, whatever - and YES, they feel fat too.

The only reason you (or anyone) should ever "do anything" about their weight should be because YOU WANT TO. The reasons may not click with other people, but the fact that you WANT to is reason enough. I've been fighting my weight all my life. No one ever told me that it was NORMAL to gain weight as you age, so all thru my 20's AND 30's I was still trying to get back down to my "teenage" weight, luckless I might add. It took me well into my 40's to realize that my body has CHANGED, not just in pounds, but in gravity (oh my!) and my skin, hair, nails... it's what happens to a body when it goes thru the aging process.

BUT - you are still VERY YOUNG. There's so much in the world to see; to do; to experience. Losing weight is a hard road to travel - but I, for one, believe it is worth it.

Another for you! WE'RE HERE FOR YOU.
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Old 05-26-2010, 04:47 PM   #3
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I totally understand where you're coming from.

All through high school, I was overweight. I was fat. I was unhappy about it, and while I tried fixing it a number of times... I never managed. Just didn't have the same willpower I have now. Now, I was fortunate in a way, because most of my friends are also overweight, so I wasn't completely alienated through those four years, but that didn't necesarilly make me feel any better. The majority of the girls at our school were skinny, in some way or another, and I was envious. Shopping was never all that fun for me - Just frustrating because being an overweight teenager, there aren't as many options for clothes or prom dresses. It was so, SO frustrating to have to shop in the women's department, when all I wanted was to be able to fit into the cuter Junior's section.

Our society at this point just seems to be programmed to think fat=terrible. It's sad, but true. We all know that it's not healthy, and that losing weight would benefit us, but it isn't as easy as everyone else thinks. Someone who has always been skinny will never be able to understand the struggle we face when it comes to trying to slim down and be healthier. I wish there was a way to make them understand, but there isn't. So you just have to prove to them that you are stronger than they realize.

I know how you feel... I really do. I'm only about a year and a half out of high school, and that feeling of isolation is still fresh in my mind. Just don't forget that even if they don't all understand, you always have the wonderful people here to talk to. We all know what it's like, and we know how hard it is. We also all know that you're beautiful.

Don't let it get you down too much - Just use it as more motivation to keep working on what you're doing.
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Old 05-26-2010, 04:54 PM   #4
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I think we've all been there. I went to a predominantly asian high school and the stereotype of asians are small and petite. I was short and fat. I remember girls who were less than 110 lbs complaining about being fat.. I would lie about my weight and eat my frustration away.

Losing weight is not going to magically make you have self-esteem and I think you recognize that in your post. You need to learn to love yourself not just at the end of the journey but during also. Every step closer to goal should be an affirmation about how independent, important, intelligent, valuable you are. You are not just a # on a scale!

You are so young and have your WHOLE life ahead of you so stay positive. Most of the time you think people are judging you but honestly, people are more self-absorbed and focused on themselves (truth be told). Don't feel self-conscious. Even the "skinny" popular girls have their bad days and low self-esteem moments we just don't know about it.

Hope you feel better
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Old 05-26-2010, 05:00 PM   #5
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Ack! I'm out of time, but here's my first thing: People will talk about fat being bad or fat people being lazy, bla bla bla. But when you point out that YOU are a FAT person, they look shocked. Trust me, I've been there. With family, none the less. People are dumb when they talk about this stuff, but trust me, they don't necessarily see you as "fat" or "one of those types..."

And it doesn't really matter what they think anyway. It matters what YOU think. But, if it helps, lose the weight just prove them wrong! I understand, I do, but doesn't it seem odd how we can say, "People think I'm fat, so I'm just going to stay that way." ?!?!
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Old 05-26-2010, 05:06 PM   #6
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Try going to the rich kids school where there literally are only like... seven girls (including me) who are classified as overweight/obese. Out of... 2500 students. Now... more guys... but no one cares about a guy looking like that.

It's ok... the biggest thing is your confidence. I have met so many larger girls who were the LIFE OF THE PARTY... because they had confidence. I know I know... it's said over and over and over "be confident in yourself"... but... honestly... it works. If you must, pretend that you're already at the weight you want to be at... looking the way you want to. Just don't look in any mirrors. Act how you'll want to act then. Act how you think you'll act then. That's what I've done... and... it's nice. People don't look down on me anymore. I'm not hiding in my books (I'm not saying that's what you do... that's what I was doing), I'm not simply the fat girl in the corner trying to hide away all her fears... but at the same time, leaving them wide open for all to see. If you want to hide your fears... hide them with confidence... and soon your fears will begin to dissapear completely.


As for finding a reason to lose weight... that's up to you. But don't make it be about someone else.

I'm losing weight for several reasons:
1. I'm not happy with the way I look.
2. I'd like to be able to go to the store and try on things and SMILE when I try them on... not burst into tears because the biggest sizes still don't fit.
3. I'm tired of not being able to wear what I want because it accentuates all the wrong curves.
4. I want to be able to do things... like go for runs with my dog... ride horses effectively... go out dancing and tease a guy... without worrying about me being twice the size of everyone else. I want to be ME.

But as for you... just sit down and think. First... is there any immidiate health reasons why you need to lose weight? My Dad lost 80 lbs because he had meneares disease, with symptoms being EXTREME vertigo... and the doctors' best recommendation was to lose weight. Second... think about why YOU want to be thinner. Forget about other people. Don't think about other people. What is it about being thin that appeals to YOU? And third... what is it about other people that makes you want to lose weight? To make them think higher of you? To impress them? To get a guy? None of those are good enough reasons IMO. They will just make you end up worse off than when you started... because those are things that you can't acheive simply by "losing weight"... and some... nobody will ever acheive.

You sound so much like me. I'm one year older than you. I hit my breakthrough this past weekend. You'll hit yours... and it might not even be a WEIGHT LOSS breakthrough... but simply one in confidence and loving yourself. Just don't wait forty years... your life is worth so much more than that.


(a lot of this is what I told my friend today at lunch... she needs to gain weight... and is always complaining about her "low self-esteem")


Good luck. You can do what you want to do. Remember that.
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Old 05-26-2010, 05:16 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bunnythesAINT View Post
"I do it but why should I?".
Yeah, yeah "you've got to find a reason". But I can't.
  • To quote a commercial "Because you're worth it."
  • Because you don't want to be ironing your clothes one morning when you're 44 thinking "I've got to do something so 10 years from now I won't be hating myself for not doing something about my weight ten years ago." That was me just this morning - truly.
  • YOU are the only reason you need. Love yourself enough to know this. If you learn this now, I think it will help you through out your life.
  • If you need more reasons, read the following kinds of posts on this site 1)those that talk about what we're going to do once we reach goal/what we miss doing now and 2)those that talk about how much better life is now that they are at goal. Notice I didn't say easier cause life will always have some surprises for us.
One thing I try to remember that falls into the category of easier said than done is this: What other people think of me is none of my business. Their opinions are colored by their own personal experiences that have nothing to do with me.
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Become more aware and deliberate in my food choices. Thanks Sunshine73

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Old 05-26-2010, 05:29 PM   #8
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Oh my goodness Serbrider your post knocked me off my feet. EXCELLENT. But this part right here----->

Quote:
Originally Posted by Serbrider View Post
If you want to hide your fears... hide them with confidence... and soon your fears will begin to dissapear completely.
that bowled me the rest of the way over. It's definitely going into my quote collection.
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"Nothing more beautiful than knowing your worth" - Fantasia (I'm Doin Me)

Become more aware and deliberate in my food choices. Thanks Sunshine73

My mirror, scale, and lab results are the food journal my body keeps.

SW: 306 (9-9-04)
HW: 334 (3-1-06)
CW: 314 (6-23-09) back up from 298 working towards . . . . . . .
GW: healthy or 170



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Old 05-26-2010, 05:29 PM   #9
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I don't have a lotta really great inspiring words for you...
But I wanted to say "hi" 'cos I see we're both in Maine

I was pretty big in school and yep, school sucked. But I think I coulda been skinny and it woulda sucked just as much--It just isn't a great time! But we all have to go thru it, and the majority of us weren't lucky enough to be "the perfect ones" that don't seem to have a hard time... Oh well, we'll build more character than they probably will!
I made the mistake of getting kicked outta public school, sent to "Bad Kids School", and then just quitting altogether.... Don't go down that road!
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Old 05-26-2010, 05:32 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MoveMoveMove View Post
Oh my goodness Serbrider your post knocked me off my feet. EXCELLENT. But this part right here----->



that bowled me the rest of the way over. It's definitely going into my quote collection.
haha... there was one in another thread too. Today must be my day... that... and I'm just feeling GOOD. School is almost over... and I had my "breakthrough" moment on Saturday after my run. Like... I started to see everything I was doing... clearly. It feels good. I feel good. I've been exercising for at least 30 minutes (more like 45 min to an hour) every day since Monday... and maybe that's it... all those "happy hormones" being released.

I need to go back through my last couple posts and start saving them for a quote book...

Haha... sorry... I feel giddy. And hungry... off to go grab something...
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Old 05-26-2010, 05:43 PM   #11
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no, being thin will not FIX your self esteem, but for me, it did help.. a LOT. ive always had low self esteem. im always focusing on the bad things about myself. even now when i see pictures of myself my eyes immediately go to the problem spots. my arms look fat! ewww i have bags under my eyes!!

i didnt get fat til i was in my 20s but i can tell you that my self esteem hit an all time low. i hated myself, i really did. not only did i hate the way i looked, but i hated myself for letting it get to that point. i felt weak and powerless and completely jealous of all my friends who were 24 and looking better than ever.

now, i might never be "skinny" again, but i feel good. i feel like i look better than i have in years, cute clothes and make up have become a part of my life again. do i still have my moments where i feel fat and ugly? absolutely, BUT, its about 10 times less often. i cant give you the will to lose weight, but i can tell you that its soooooooo worth it.

and by the way, that was quite well written for a 16 year old girl!!
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Old 05-26-2010, 06:35 PM   #12
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Hi bunny! Sorry you're feeling bad today -- keep in mind your title that it may be just one of those days and you'll feel better tomorrow. Sometimes, it helps to not take the bad days too seriously because they pass, especially if you haven't made them worse by overeating or some other discouraging behavior.

Everyone else said the things I wanted to say, except this one. I am so impressed that you have lost 40 pounds. Apparently, you know how to do this. On good days, I'll bet you even know why you're doing this. So, go you!
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Old 05-27-2010, 02:57 PM   #13
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Thank you everybody. I was just very down yesterday and I couldn't take it. I read everything and it made me feel a lot better =]. I know that this doesn't sound like a sincere thank-you but trust me I cannot thank you guys enough for all of everything that you wrote.
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Old 05-27-2010, 02:58 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by m3rma1d View Post
I don't have a lotta really great inspiring words for you...
But I wanted to say "hi" 'cos I see we're both in Maine
Maine-ahs lol.
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Old 05-27-2010, 10:51 PM   #15
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i'm sorry you had a bad day .. i'm pressed for time so i just wanted to say you're a gorgeous girl! we've all felt the way you described in your post, & highschool sucks - but push through it! things will get better.
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